This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-09 23:31:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Twisted Rules of Life Unwritten rules seem the hardest to read.
What’s impossible to learn,
Leaves vacant places
by means of traces
of thoughts seeking real certainty.
The lighthouse of life dims,
cuts the core
through the tree of life.
Trims branches of growth
undernourished with truth,
it thirts for
in order
to thrive.
Illuminating justifiable information
for wisdom
that lies in the palms of corrupted idiots.
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Copyright © September 2009 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-10-04 16:19:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The times have revealed many shortcomings of those we've places trust and authority. Even, it would
be save to say, betrayal has played a role. Change the phrase, "undernourished with truth"...it does
not satisfy your meaning, and I would have voted the poem higher. The meaning implied is reflective...
that truth is not nourishing.
I know you do not mean that.
Otherwise a successful poem.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-09-19 23:05:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
This poem is powerful in its reflection of the corruption in high places, manipulation, hypocrisy that all blend together to twist the rules of life.
A tight poem. With strong, stark imagery that is transported through the reader's mind on a very free, smooth flow. Clearly, one of your best pieces in terms of overall power and development. I liked the way you used the lighthouse and tree of life to make your point.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-09-11 20:46:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dear Deni
This is full of deft touches which paint a picture of the yearning for something better, some better dealing.
I think we all here share your longing.
Best wishes
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-09-11 17:35:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Like that tactile "palms." Your poet is asserting herself. Thumbs up.
MSS
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