This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2009-09-22 13:20:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © September 2009 Debbie Spicer
You are the rain that falls from high
To wash away sorrow unconcealed
Defend me, my love, before I die
My force, my strength, my shield.
You are the sun, which gives me light
You keep away the shadows and fear
You are by far the most beautiful sight
My dreams and wishes finally clear.
You are my fire, which guides me through
All the pain when I lose my hope
Since you have come I know it’s true
I will survive this evil ground and rope.
You are the air I breathe each day
Without you I could not live
You keep the pain within, at bay
Outside of you I can not forgive.
The contrast to Awakened, which gave me reason to live at eighteen. This was about my first love and even though he didn't know, he was where I "went into" in my subconscious, the strength the mind and will can go to for resolve during torture.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-10-03 15:13:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Very heart-warming and sincere. The poem does well in impressing upon your reader, the influence this person had on your life. Thank you for sharing this creation of appreciation with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-09-29 04:47:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
I've read the two together, as your notes suggest. They do form a contrasting pair structurally. Thematically, though, they seem closer than one might expect, since it seems clear that they are intended to be counterparts of each other.
To me, "My strength" has significantly more strength than "Awakened", and that mainly because it has a more coherent structure. I couldn't convince myself that the free verse style of "Awakened" gave it any distinction other than a structural contrast to "My strength".
The pairing is certainly ambitious, and clearly reflects a great deal of thought given to your subject.
PS I apologise for repeating this critique for the two poems, but I do s only because they are a paired offering.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-23 14:51:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Debbie, I'm glad you found courage within someone to stay strong, in mind & spirit at a low time in your life.
We all need "something, someone a safe harbor to withdraw to", and recollect our thoughts and broken spirits.
I enjoyed your poem, in simplistic style, each line phrasing feelings from an emotional stand point.
Your last line stood out, because in life we are suppose to forgive, and forget - it's easy to forgive, it's the forgetting part that I find hard with my life situations.
Very nice work,
I enjoyed your poem,
Can't think of anything here to change - it's a deep part of you expressed through words of wisdom.
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