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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-10-15 20:55:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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at the circus

he slowly plods by raising one huge foot followed by another going whereverâ€¦he's bid to go trained in obedience obedience to man he was a wild animal, once free he walked miles a day interacting with family bleakly he lumbers and sways side to side soothing himself In a trance he moves doing the astounding tricks ludicrous actions for elephants he endures the applause he's drilled in bends and bows he lives the daily stress recalling the elephant hook his eyes show his nature a look down deep within could keep a human honest

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-10-25 12:11:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, This is such a sad and poignant look at the elephant, his role and what he has been denigrated too. These awesome creatures can be of such usefulness and my understanding is that if treated properly that they are more than happy to do man's bidding. Why are humans so inhumaine..? Your poem is well thought out and well presented in a disciplined manner. The descriptions and poetic language used to here bring the reader near to tears with sympathy for these majestic creatures. Well done.. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-10-20 07:48:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena "a look down deep within/could keep a human honest" is one of the best lines, if not THE best line, that I think I've seen from you. You've constructed this so well you could probably have gotten away without ever using the word "elephant": the animal in question is quite clear by line 9, and line 10 "side to side soothing himself" absolutely locks it into place ... again, to the point where you could probably do without "side to side", since the previous "sways" does the same job. Perhaps you need to give yourself, your image-making, a little more credit. Really, the closing line is a beauty, and takes this well out of the ordinary. Best wishes as always, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-10-16 09:29:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Dellena, I've never been a big fan of going to a Circus, but I have - I've taken the kids to Ringlings, and found it to be annoying, loud and hard to watch with three shows going on at one time. I've read so much about the training of the elephants, it's just sad - what they are put through in training - to perform so people can applaud, laugh and throw popcorn at them. I see you've touched on that, and my only other comment, is I'm glad I'm not a circus elephant - they need to be free like all the other wild animals - in their natural settings, good write, blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-10-16 00:35:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, Though all this takes place 'at the circus', its sometimes where the harsher truths of life are realised - yes, even through innocence - as does the elephant you speak of. I can see this having a deeper meaning - exploitation, oppressive gvernment, etc. Very good theme and imaginatively captured (if that is what you intended) While there were portions of the poem - he was a wild animal, once free, he walked miles a day; he endures the applause....which might seem telly but surely contribute to the theme, I like the overall impact of this creation and it is one of your tighter gems !! Duane.

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