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Always The day we met was blessed; so long ago. I heard the lilt and lute, a tuneful song, then tasted sweetness only God could know. A slice of dawn observed love growing strong while beads of wine we mixed with laughter, spilled on linen, in taper’s wavering light. In nights fold our hopes became fulfilled and feathered kisses led to more delight. Then through the silence, softer than my lace, returned faint whispers we had uttered last such words we’d murmured into dreamy space, that still drift back as tokens from that past. In one embrace we found that dreams come true, when morrow’s fog held sighs; I cherished you. In time, events took your life’s breath away and when I offered mine, it came too late. Now morning comes; I seek the night and pray that days may soften wounds of our ill fate. The molten sun still fights against the dark, against the inky lies we always knew; we knew the truth; its face was scarred and stark and now, I fight the tears that well for you. When brighter skies return to lift dense mist I’ll revel once again in dreams we shared, not think of your face racked with pain, insist that I remember how we loved and cared. From positive events, through which one lives, we draw from life, the gift that ever gives. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2009-12-27 15:38:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh wow this is beautiful! Your picture words are vivid and draw me into them.
A slice of dawn observed love growing strong
while beads of wine we mixed with laughter, spilled
on linen, in taper’s wavering light.
That is awesome my friend! I can visualize those moments as if they had been real to me.
In nights fold our hopes became fulfilled (I stumbled on the poetic-ness of this line....maybe in <the> nights fold...
and feathered kisses led to more delight. ....good feelings
when morrow’s fog held sighs; I cherished you....oh this made me feel sad! I wasn't ready to leave those lovely moments behind and turn to pain. I know you are/were hurting...To be honest though, I think that the line is 'too poised' feels too 'poetic' to express the depths of your feelings.
The molten sun still fights against the dark,
against the inky lies we always knew;
(needs more definition for me, I want to know 'what lies?')
I fight the tears that well for you. ...could these tears 'swell' ?
I’ll revel once again in dreams we shared,
not think of your face racked with pain, insist
that I remember how we loved and cared..... yes! thats great
From positive events, through which one lives,
we draw from life, the gift that ever gives. ....I like the positive ending, but it seems hard put here. Its a quick retreat, but not a moment that shares your better memories with your readers. Perhaps there is room there for another verse?
Any way that I read it, I feel it. Its a good piece that I really enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing!
Ellen