This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2010-01-22 01:31:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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the Eye That Sees

when the heart feels too much sorrow the burden will not be lifted up the soul will not see the sorrow becomes the darkness. who will open the windows? who will open the door? perhaps a neighbor wandering by or an old friend you thought.. forgotten.. will come to you to light the lamp above your head and your lights' will hide the darkness. who will hold this off of me? who will fight it back? I will lay my head back down again on my feathery pillow there near my quilt where I can hide in darkness, silent and listen to my heart. cowardess ever punishing and denying  convincing and cunning and such a shame amazing it takes the lead as I reach outside of the darkness. who will join me here? who will join in this celebration? strength is knowing when there is hope then the burden will be lifted up easily even the darkness will not reach inside it is dawn on a new day. light will lift me up when my eyes have unity!

Copyright © January 2010 Ellen K Lewis

Additional Notes:
There is hope for depression. Its in you and me. We can all help. This piece is intended to give a view of just how dark it can feel, how frightening it can be, how lonely. A reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (at least for most of us). I do not mean to imply that these feelings or words fit in every case of depression. Its just a perspective, just an attitude about a word. Not a serious work, but thanks for reading and please offer anything you'd like in response.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-02-05 23:10:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen, This is very very uplifting and I'm glad I found this on my list. We've all been through this....there is much to relate to here and that rising hope is a taste of heaven...all is not lost...it never is... Duane.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-31 02:23:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95833
Hi Ellen, one thing I try to remember & reinforce in my personal life is - for every negative - there is a positive - and you've written an intense piece about the depths of depression, especially when someone does not have the ability to lift out of it - by any means, which takes time away from their lives, their families lives, and other things they could be doing that would put joy back in to their hearts. The statistics on depression are high - which go hand in hand with anxiety - It's a vicious cycle - and most doctors do trial and error assessment on their patients to evaluate them - but everyone is different. I'm glad you ended this with hope - because we need to hold on to hope - in order to thrive. I just read an article about laughter - and how children laugh at least 300 times a day (God bless them) but adults only manage about 20 - 30 laughs per day. Look at the difference - maybe we should try laughing 300 times a day - or maybe not - I'd be afraid my son would have me locked up - for unusual behavior. blessings, thanks for sharing, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-25 02:09:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, I have read this several times and still come to the same conclusion after each read. You have deftly described how depression feels to you, how you view it and how you deal with it. However, you need to seriously trim some of your words, words that are superfluous and add nothing to your poem other than to make it quite wordy. They do not enhance your poem, it is sort of like cleaning out a drawer where you have too much and it makes the drawer cluttered. I think if you go back and fine tune this, tighten it up; you will have a nice poem. Remember, poems shouldn't read like sentences of paragraphs broken apart to the format of a poetic style. This is probably clear as mud, however we need to leave something to ponder for the reader and allow them to fill in their own small words where we leave out the small words. I do understand your thoughts and sentiments and they are most viable. I do hope you will consider reworking this and resubmitting. Best to you... Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-01-22 20:23:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Ellen As a (fellow?) sufferer, I know what you're talking about. I'm yet to meet a sufferer who (until later stages at least) ever felt encouraged by their situation. Strength always seems the one thing unavailable. I always consider myself to have been best served by obstinacy. But maybe that's another word for stregth. Peace, Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-22 17:37:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Ellen, I hope you don't mind a few suggestions for your poem. I can tell it comes from your heart and I do understand how depression can be so devasting. I think you should delete some of the words that don't really matter to the poem's theme. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the Eye That Sees when the heart feels (too much) sorrow (the burden will not be lifted up)...try 'burdens will not lift' the soul will not see (the) sorrow becomes (the) darkness. who will open the windows? who will open the door? perhaps a neighbor wandering by or an old friend you thought.. forgotten.. will come (to you to)....'and' light the lamp above your head (and) your lights' will hide (the) darkness. who will hold this off (of me?) who will fight (it) back? I will lay my head (back) down (again) on (my) feathery pillow (there near my quilt)...'pillows' (where I can hide in darkness, silent)............ 'where darkness is silent' and listen to my heart. cowardess ever punishing and denying convincing and cunning (and such a shame) amazing it takes the lead as I reach outside of the darkness. who will join me here? who will join in this celebration? strength is knowing (when there is) hope (then the) burden will be lifted (up easily).....'burdens' even (the) darkness will not reach inside it is dawn on a new day. light will lift me up when my eyes have unity! Just by deleting those words will tighten up the lines without losing the meaning. Keep writing. I know the more I write and the more I listen to my critiquers the better I will be. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-22 11:51:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Ellen, although you and Rene Bennett will not listen to me, perhaps you will to one of the more comprehensive sources and authorities on defining differences between poetry and prose. In the section entititled "Theories of Poetry" of the Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics, published by Princeton University Press, the imminent poet Coleridge's opinion is given: The principal alternative, in English expressive theory, to the view that poetry is the expression of feelings or unrealized desires was Coleridge's view that "poetry" (the superlative passages which occur both in poems and other forms of discourse)is the product of "that synthetic and magical power to which we have exclusively appropriated the name of imagination" (Biographia Literaria, 1817). I take this to mean the presence of imagery. Your poem has none, yet its topic matter is significant and well worth the effort to poem, not just in prose form afixed to verse. Being so advised, you might work a little to breathe poetic life into this effort. JCH
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