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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-02-22 16:00:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Beast Be Gone

Deeply buried under mountains writing and working as a turtle would step and creep through wet cement. Jaded photographs edges poking eyes power given up to any one who dies, Spit on the earth push Satan over a cliff Piss on his haunts keeping us from bliss, or any peace, Guarded or not, he finds his way in to our lot, and I pray Surviving the evil he sends my way.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-02-28 20:39:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, I can understand your anger at things that harm you and ones you love. Of course it should be gone. Good people should have good lives. That doesn't work with yin and yang. We also pay the price for evil sins against us. Your poem cuts to the chase! Enough! I say the same.....Enough! Enough war, deaths, lies and global warming. The list goes on. Someone must speak up and step out. It might as well be you......and me. Good job. dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-02-27 01:20:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, The first stanza shows talent and a move away from the writer placing all thought around the personal. The metaphor speaks for itself and there is a refreshing selflessness to it that rises way above the rest of the poem. The following lines read too much like a diary entry, meaningful to you but not original to the reader By original I mean exclusive to your way of seeing and experiencing the world, that which gives each writer's poetry its distinctness. But that first stanza shows you've "got it". Hope your health is improving. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-02-24 03:08:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni "working/as a turtle/would step/and creep/through wet cement" What a great line! "jaded photographs/edges poking eyes" jars a bit in the overall context, to my ear. I don't think that overall the poem fulfills the promise of the first stanza. Best wishes Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-02-22 22:09:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, An angry current flows through this and I can tell that you've let off a lot of steam in transforming difficult circumstance into words. The strength of this poem, is therefore, its emotional rawness. I would change 'spit on the earth' for a fresher image though I quite like 'push satan over a cliff'. I would like this re-written : 'piss on his haunts, He keeps us from bliss'. Take care, Duane.

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