This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-02-24 07:17:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The makers Oh Adam, what a job you had to do!
To make, through breathing teeth and lips and tongue,
for every being thing a spoken one.
You made the populated world anew
and it our sole material and tool:
that's how I know you left the job half-done.
Your heirs, we artisans with half the gene
for speech but full for weakness to the spell
of naming things, now labour doubly hard
to tame with light the bucking darknesses,
to grasp the slipping shapes and presences
of all of which you never said a word. |
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Copyright © February 2010 Mark Andrew Hislop
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-03-06 11:42:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark,
I enjoyed this poem, but did hesitate with your 2nd verse - I think it's the 2nd line in it, which could have been written differently to smoothe it out.
The message is clear, imagery is unique - especially in the 2nd line of your first verse.
Consise, reflection on what it might have been like for the Adam, the first of many -
in the years of historic biblical figures -
Nicely done,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-03-03 13:44:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark,
When I first read this poem, what I felt was delight in it. And then I was amazed that the writer could portray with such simplicity, the very basis of so much philosophical and religious questioning, that being the very problems of reconciling the ideas of truth and illusion, and how it touches upon human life. Age-old questions "how we artisans with half the gene for speech but full for weakness to the spell....now labor doubly hard to tame the light the bucking darkeness, to grasp the slipping shapes and presences". Those are the best poetic lines I've read this month, maybe among the best I've ever read. In them, is a kind of universality that doesn't rely on creed, dogma, specific culture-the lines touch at the heart and soul of human existence.
Your poems submittled this month make it very difficult to vote in the contest. I'd include all of them, if I let personal bias be the only measure.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-02-28 21:31:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark,
Very interesting piece - the reflection back on Adam, of an artisan. That thought in itself is much food for thought. You have maintained form very well in this piece though these lines - You made the populated world anew/and it our sole material and tool: I dont know..it didn't sit too well I guess for want of a better line.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-02-27 18:40:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark,
Another good poem. Taking me to places never thought.
We were given life and a brain to figure the rest of it out. In many ways failing, twisting things, manipulating others. Free thinking almost unheard of.
And it takes much maturing to figure it all out.
Good thoughts, wonderful verbiage and good rhyme. All developed into a neat poem
only you could write.
A pleasure....
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-02-24 11:16:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH,
Hey, he was a fucking guy. Some of us don't like talk, talk, talk. And we listen too much.
Your Muse said the hell with this man talk and blew the beauty of women into the poem at "bucking darknesses." This American can't help but seeing the Almighty Buck in their somewhere. Taxation without representation and all that. Sort of like damnation without representation: but such is monarchy.
The King sleeps behind this poem. But you, being a heathen (smile), are oblivious to that dimension.
I pray for thee,
MSS
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