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Phases The well of the sea as a pool of liquid will rise to a burning candle lit Splitting the essence of peace mortified by burning vessels scorched by a turn of devils fire Muttering under the bridge of echoes thickest fog with bravery Randomly uncurl to new beginnings seal the opened wound heal through surrendering timeless masks put on for tasks in front of ignorance Placed in new world to accept whether liking or not Should the glory of the waves of Jesus save more save the dove from the dive to stay alive |
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-03-28 16:22:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This needs rewriting. Your illusions must lead somewhere.
Unify imagery around meaning, else the poem will lose purpose.
I know you have one, just tailor the poem better to it.
The two lines apart from the poem have poor syntax and lose
meaning making the internal rhyme of "dive" with "alive" seem
that much more contrived.
Rewrite.
JCH