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The Vessel A fragile ship in quiet water floats; it carries tears I’ve shed and can’t restrain. They fill the empty words of my refrain, while silent water sits so still it coats the poem I penned in falsetto notes. The vessel waits for stronger sails to claim a rhyme that lulls without a hint of pain while pompous seas can’t blur the words I wrote. When murky water stuns the prow and sail, I’ll write about the rhythmic waves galore that ease my sobs with calm that never fails, to heal the tears that softly drop before the muffled sound of tides as sand prevails and fragile ships of verse can sail ashore. |
Additional Notes:
This is my first attempt at writing the Italian Sonnet. I might add it will be my last, much more difficult than I dreamed it would be.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-04-14 10:23:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a fine piece (1st time? Wow). Meter and rhyme are correct throughout. For me, many rhymes allow the rewrite S2L2 and eliminate “galoreâ€. Galore is a weak link in your piece. It works, but for the power of your meaning, I think you could edit a more substantial line.
Very good piece, enjoyed the style and the lessons in life and writing. Well done analogy.