This Poem was Submitted By: Joe P. OGrady On Date: 2010-05-16 10:35:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Dusk

Dusk is dawning, sunlight yawning, Stars begin to rise. Breezes swaying, shadows playing, O'er the evening skies. Moonlight glimmers, soft clouds shimmer, Drifting off in flight. Blue eyes flicker, hearts beat quicker, Passion fills the night. Love still lingers, silken fingers, Locked in sweet embrace. Magic welling, warm lips swelling, Softly touch your face. Spirits lighting, fire igniting, Pools of deep desire. Souls ascending, whispers lending, Voice to heaven's choir
Copyright © May 2010 Joe P. OGrady

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-06-05 23:01:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hello Joe, Wonderful lyrical quality to the piece - well structured and thought out. That is why the rhyme did not feel forced and kind of rolls along with the progression of the piece. I would still look at some unique imagery to make the expression of your feelings fresher in presentation. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-05-27 22:08:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Anothere fine piece in the old style. Your metaphors/similes throught the piece are exact and well said. In the beginning, it was as if the natural beauty was the goal, then mid poem, it became obvious that the entire piece is an allegory for the passion between two. Well done indeed. You Rhymes were excellent as was the staging that brought us to "pools of deep desire". I will say, as the quake began, I almost turned to leave, but each line drew me deeper. A very well crafted piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-05-21 01:14:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a well structured, rhyming poem, with "good" thoughts that play out through the poem, and a nice ending to tie it together. I like the poem for the message, the passion of these verses enhance an enchantment of honest feelings. One suggestion would be to include "new, and unusual words", to make the poem stand out. Your choices are more typical imagery, and you want to work on more thought provoking words that no one has heard before. You have them, you just need to bring them out and see how wonderful these ideas turn out. Blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-05-19 15:58:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joe, I like rhyming but sometimes hiding the rhyme [internal] is fun. Try that, it is less contrived. Your subject matter is very sensual. I'll have a cigarette later! Good job. Dellena
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