This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-06-07 23:13:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Lucidity Fluted evening shimmers
across the sand with
torn pages from life’s book
scattering in the wind
searching for hearts
of perception
It is not the words
but the essence
of the write they emote
Dust gathers on ganglia
an indiscernible disease
not viral, rather the razor
taste of man’s malignancy
She blows kisses to the wind
a deposit for torn pages
as she immerses in the
sand’s shimmer of fluted eve
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Copyright © June 2010 Lora Silvey
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-07-04 01:20:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Touching, very poetic in excellent Lora style. Your word choices continue to amaze me when I read your poetry.
Your ideas and thoughts are so thought provoking, yet every post is understood with insight to the crux of what you may have had on your mind.
We do continue to search, the pages are always torn through the years - and I understand the razor, and equate it with stupidity - which is a indiscernable fault of an individuals choice in life.
Terrific, and on my list -
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-06-20 16:19:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lora,
I am confused with the word fluted?
Fluted goblets, grooved sand?
I experience a sort of melancholy moments of remembering and evaluating one's life
and blowing a kiss to the wind; all very emotional. But I would be more comfortable
and more enjoyable if fluted fit in easier.
Hope I make sense?
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-06-13 18:12:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lora, always nice to see a piece of yours!!
The piece is striking (S3L4 “taste’sâ€). My presumption is a play on writers block, and the greater evil of Alzheimers.
I reached to grab “man’s malignancy†but could only counter with an indivicual, rather than a race. It is possible I guess, that the inadequacy of mankind in general causes a “corporate malignancyâ€, but this seems too personal.
If my first sentence is correct, bravo for me, if not; I hope I caught enough of your meaning to make it worthwhile.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-06-09 09:52:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Lora,
This is such a melancholy poem and one I have read several times. To me it speaks of a love lost perhaps by death rather than a break up of some kind. Your well chosen words tell that the loss is permanent and not one the protagonist expects to heal or be forgotten. The line..."torn pages from life's book" is extraordinary and one that speaks of grief. I am at a loss to pick a favorite line and ignore the rest as each line is important to show the sorrow that abounds throughout. Well done,
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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