This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-06-14 14:49:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Sailing Free She set water lilies adrift
at sea and with her
tears let them sail free
her echoes whispered softly
come back to me
come back to me
Under lonely skies
she recalls his touch
like memories that ride tenderly
on warming tides of glass
her echoes whispered softly
come back to me
come back to me
But water lilies still sail adrift
upon the sundered seas
that crying rafts lost easily
her echoes whispered softly
come back to me
come back to me
She heard his voice
between the waves
its ebb and flow
like poet’s rhyme so lovingly
and her echoes whispered softly
he came back to me
he came back to me
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Copyright © June 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-07-05 12:44:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A wonderful piece. I regret waiting so long to read it. The passion and the sea both draw me to watch a little closer.
The piece flowed well, and the feelings, both of plaintiff and objects sets this apart.
A well done piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-06-26 14:57:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Cheyenne,
I read this the other night, and thought it was so beautiful, but took time today to read it and critique it for you. (Another inpatient stay for me, pneumonia - so I'm on the mend again)
Your spirit is free, and this shows through your writing. The title is exactly right, for every word written,
with your original style of allowing the reader to immerse into a "fantasy" like state of mind, while reading.
The "come back to me's" enhance your poem. I like the way you added them in to the write.
The ending a happy one, he comes back, after being away and this pleases the reader who wants to see the
poem end on a good note.
I really enjoyed this,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-06-25 07:17:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne,
A purely romantic poem, well crafted with good meter, gentle rhyme and a lilting voice that carries the reader easily through out. I can not pick a favored line lest it be your reframe, all of your lines are so harmonious and well crafted that one does not over shadow another. Most enjoyable...no revisions neede as far as this reader can tell. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-06-20 15:18:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
cheyenne,
Sounds like Jonathan Livingston Seagull. letting the bird fly free.
Hoping he'll come back. I think everyone should fly free actually.
I'm tickled he came back to you. Most tales don't end as well.
I think your refrain come back to me, works well keeping the poem tight
yet relaxed.
I enjoyed the water aspect and think you did a fine job.
Dellena
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