This Poem was Submitted By: Monica ONeill On Date: 2010-07-04 21:41:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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LIGHTHOUSE solitary soldier
stationed
to be seen
from
distant horizons
waves constantly
in contact with
your weathered
base
many fingered fists
pound your
rocky shoreline
spray reaching
for the incandescent
eye that knows no
pause
other times
a gentle lapping
kindly reprieveS
given
your weather worn shelf
you refuse not
the fist
and welcome
Neptune’s kiss
as you patiently
await the next dawn
and inevitable sunset
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Copyright © July 2010 Monica ONeill
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-07-29 15:47:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Monica,
This could be a tree also. [I like sequoias] Like a vigilante guarding the world.
Even like people awaiting, handling their fate.
Something to ponder at reevaluation time.
The short sentenced stanzas made easy follow along reading of this unpretentious piece.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-07-13 15:24:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Monica, it is so good to see you here; for your verse and the memories.
Your piece ends with the coming of sunset, or (as a metaphor for life) the awakening, perceptiveness of the owl or cat. Standing watch, and waking to watch as others sleep.
solitary soldier – This is such a great representation, guardian, sentinel, soldier. The image impacts the entire piece.
That it is “stationed†represents duty not to be shirked. I also like that for that “dutyâ€, the performer is “seen†from far away.
waves constantly
in contact with – I like the assonance, & the closeness.
your weathered base –This line accentuates the first. He who stands in watch, the sentinel, has done so for a long time. It exudes faithfulness.
many fingered fists – how descriptive of the power of the ocean, what it carries, and the blow that it provides- “pound†relies on power. The ocean is potent.
“incandescent eye†– once again the watcher, the redeemer of the traveler. It is a fine vision.
“kindly reprievesâ€, here is the scene, from one waiting the touch of the ocean’s deep tenderness applied to the soldier in need of a break.
you refuse not the fist and welcome Neptune’s kiss – The sentinel, not complaining at his duty, nor the yield of his faithfulness. What a wonderful view of the charge, and the sea.
A very nice read; to put one in the mood for life.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-07-05 15:11:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Monica,
I feel so much sadness in your lines. But at the same time I feel a certain resolve that no matter how life batters or beats at your core you will not be defeated but will stay strong to meet another day despite what it may bring. I could be so wrong about the metaphor but this is how the poem makes me feel. You have made good word choices and the flow is even. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-07-05 09:31:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Monica, It's so wonderful to have you back. How are you? You're writing skills have not lapsed at all in the time you've been away.
Amazingly gentle reflective poem - word choices soft/bold stand out in each verse. Imagery is in line and the reader can be there in the moment of this poem - watching, feeling and appreciating the scenery.
I love how you chose to end this write - patience the one virtue we all must have in life to understand, everything that happens in life, and everyone we come in to contact with. Our time here is so valuable - we both have had losses, and I understand - more than I cared to understand about pain of loosing people, family members which took me to many dark lost days/nights in the past three years.
The capital S - on reprieve - reads as though you know well -inside how this feels.
Very nice poem, and a blessing to have the pleasure to read more of your works.
Deni
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