This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-07-18 09:50:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Therapy Session With The Devil

Where is our refuge? Sweet place small space to call our own simplicity not weary people walking through cities Hunched heads are hung on ladders lowest rung Hands look rough they’ve given up and given in The "Dark Prince" of eternal sin stealing blessed spirits away from finding joy in any day "HE" wants your eyes not to see  wants your heart to hurt  tease and taunt  about your mind  until you feel  like running further to hide - In meek defeat Confusion will set in as his claws  snatching one by one with victory "HE erases the sun satisfied with contempt and lies piercing souls with jagged knives who know no words to speak to the life ruining putrid leech  Where is the refuge a common space to pray to "God" for divine "Holy" grace To look above and crush him in half walk amid the shining stars free path

Copyright © July 2010 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-07-20 21:49:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, the context of this piece is clear; of false guidance, of the direction one should venture, and the darkness of living (even of the Prince of such). Your ending with “contempt and lies”, “piercing souls”, “jagged knives” leaves a power that must be individualized and dealt with. What I couldn’t find was how the devil counseled the counselee. I had hoped to hear from him personally in this piece. Great lines: “Hunched heads, are hung on, ladders lowest rung” – it speaks to the impotence, of some level, of those transiting life; under the spell. A good piece. I would have so loved you take the devil out of third person and spent a little first person in this piece


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-07-18 10:10:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Such a heavy and deep contemplative write. The style fits well with your content. In starkness this poem moves the reader through your lines in succicnt procession to your conclusion. There is one part that I think you could alter to keep in line with your form="Confusion will set in as his claws [drop "as" and move "snatching" up to the above line]this will give these lines more impact] snatching one by one with victory " enjabments should have a power word at the end that impacts the thoughts... Anyway--as I said it is a suggestion to use or loose... Strong wording with clear intent, nicely done... Lora
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