This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-08-05 19:54:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Courting

Court was assembling. Docket for today: “Rights of those in need of love”  the judge was on his way. Seats filled as he entered to hear the pleas, the people sitting were knees to knees. Case File: Angie up first with simplicity she spoke out loud  in front of the curious crowd of how her men would stray. She told the court room in solemn oath a few words from her heart. “I refuse to sing to a mountain or crawl beneath a sea for any man to find the beauty of me.” “I played his song,and strung along yet my voice was never heard.” “Eternal love was spoken  yet he never heard a word." "In trickling brooks where pebbles sheen, I sat and pondered why until a voice with much esteem spoke" as if calling down from the sky. “You've yet to find the chosen one, be patient and he will come." Angie spoke again for youth she represents,  "Fools with trust beguiled by lust have no power to change." "So off they left in rows one by one wandering to another woman’s  tender roads." With no regrets she stayed alone not knowing why she gave them so many years of being  a wife, not just once but sadly twice. The Judge gave thought and toyed with his gavel a mystery for him now to unravel. This must be solved in order of his court. He spoke in a raspy whispered voice and told her never to sell herself short. "Look above around and in to your heart," set boundaries and needs from the start." "Refuse to accept anything less then passionate love sweet that is blessed and stay away from all the rest." She smiled and put her hand to her heart. Docket Angie love disorder was in order now. As long as his wisdom was close at hand eventually Angie would find her last dance with the right man.

Copyright © August 2010 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
Be honest, even if it pinches me...thank you all.


This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-08-20 15:41:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, I think this is an outstanding poem and one I enjoyed reading. Your theme is clever with great word selection and an even flow, making it a pleasure to read. I couldn't come up with a rhyme scheme so I decided you wrote just enough rhyme to give this piece a muscial quality. I am not usually a fan of long poetry but this one intrigued me and held my interest throughout. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-08-14 21:40:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni, I like the innovation in this - the court setting, the order of the day, the docket...It reflects a solid use of the imagination. You might want to look closer at this, technically. When writing a poem that is heavily bent on rhyme, beat and meter should be smooth. Use syllable count to even out the lines and bring more uniformity..and that will help with the flow. I hope this helps. PS - I hope all is well. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-08-12 16:52:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I think the concept of the piece is brilliant. Much of the writing is poignant and distinct. I have put off reading this, though I saw it, because I have been busy and it takes a while to get through a long piece, granting the respect the piece deserves. Very little of this piece, (if any), of the content/context needs replacing or excised. Most of your rhymes are well placed and not forced. (I always have a hatred for heart/start). As I have said, I enjoyed the read and concept. All that said, your meter is so choppy that making the rhymes meet in rhythm is difficult. A couple of thorough edits (making meter less of a distraction), and I think you may be good. If you want me to do a quick through, for what I see, let me know. It is the rudiments of a very good piece.
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