This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2010-10-30 08:26:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The twins

I was given the twins at birth, the writer's gift, the writer's curse, a vision, a stump of a tongue. The twins will turn some mute sod and then you will hear your soul unburied, but not unbruised you will see tomatoes on your vines, galaxies seeded from companion stars stars shattering on the horizon unleashing their epic, wrangling over the unutterable now.
Copyright © October 2010 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-11-04 15:28:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Matey, I like the 1st and the 4th mucho. Never been much into gardening (3rd stanza) . . . like the "soul unburied" in the 2nd. So, we got the daily double. But no trifecta or late double. Nix that third stanza - it destroys the run. TPL is like a high school reunion . . . I know that guy! (smile and hugs). And some ducking around corners at differences in the offing, too. MSS

This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2010-11-03 23:59:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Mark. I love it but what is it about. At first i thought it was about a Mother and her children, then about outer space. I love the way you use words but I need to know what you mean. I don't really get the meter, each verse seems different. Thanks for this Kevin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-03 11:15:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Hey Mark, a bit complex for me, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Great 1st verse; two gifts equal to twins, one appreciated and one soured at times. I like the 1st verse the best. Second verse leans towards energy of what can be taken from either "twin", as each reader interprets each poem according to their own ability with poetry. Nice 3rd verse, great imagery here and through out this poem. You've defined what I felt complicated in your 4th verse - kudos and beautiful ending. A poem about writing poetry, very nice work, blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-10-30 15:32:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark, Something about this poem makes me think your muse has been missing but is now making a return in all her glory. "A stump of a tongue" is a creative way to describe a missing muse. Mine also takes a hike now and then. Me thinks she has reappeared and will 'unleash her epic' Well done and I hope to read more from your talented pen. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-10-30 10:40:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, a splendid look at the writers dilemma and creations. The analogy of “vine” and “tomatoes” to “galaxies” and “stars” is innovated and new. I appreciate it- the metaphor of life to presumed life also stands out. To present “now” as unutterable; or by analogy; too large to place into a complete description (without writing beyond now), is also brilliant. “vision”, and “stump of the tongue” create the image of your “gift/curse” of the previous line. Very descriptive for the perceptive. A very fine piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-10-30 09:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
And welcome back to your calling. JCH
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