This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-20 17:34:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shattered Orange

Beside this broken heart of tears the shattered orange light is sad I’ll cry and bare my soul of fears until the bore of night departs I hear the rhymes my family sang when I was but a tiny child recalling happy bells that rang and even though a saint I’m not their love was true with some to spare They’re gone and life becomes my hell while curling corners leak despair despite the mem’ries I adore like mother’s subtle jasmine scent and father’s eyes that softly smile Now curves of time will not relent in glowing days or orphaned nights As sorrow looms it feeds my grief but solace comes on wings of owls and baby coos that bring relief on cloudy days forever waits

Copyright © November 2010 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-28 21:50:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
cheyenne, Another poignant piece about the process of remembering and letting go of those who have gone before us. Your subtle rhyme pulls the reader through the verses and an uplifting note of hope to end. Grief and sorrow are, for me, such insurmountable feelings, but you have done well expressing them here and giving voice to these turbulent and longing emotions. Well done! Mandie


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-11-28 01:25:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Such a deeply sad and heartfelt poem written with such skill from your accomplished pen. Your flow is smooth and your rhymes lend a certain lilt to your count, an enjoyable meter. Your word choices definitely add a nice flavor to this even in its sadness, your closing line does show a chance for redemption--hope. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-11-24 08:30:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The passing of life, or the living remains a candid sight to us all. Your line "forever waits" and that is really the antithesis to the rest of the verse- where family and living are active or shadows; and moving on is melancholy or resourceful. Jasmine, but the way, is my favorite scent. A touching piece that brings contemplation to my morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-11-20 18:07:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, This was melancholy. The family long since gone, memories of better easier children's days. And today the gray clouds stay as the powers that be have decided to change up things and depopulate. It is not the best of times..........for anyone. You carry the theme well throughout. Good job Dellena
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