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Petere Principium – Beg the Question To make myself believe that all is well, While, with a feeling skill, I paint my hell. – Sidney A&S Alone atop the mountain I did see A star that shone more bright and in brightness That far off star in light did teach to me All the ways in feeling felt to be free; Lately lost in its starry loneliness I did glimpse a flicker in its bright light Faded with intentions of selfishness It reflected more on other mountains Where now glistens as a silvered fountain. She was afire like starlight shimmering Atop the world when the earth shook and broke Sent scattering far through the air burning; Burning out in orange embers, her last spark. All of this cannot be set as once was Nor seem to be where we would like it to; So we wait and hope for signs to tell us What it is or could be if we should do All! – half at least to bring these things around To tempered dreams dreaming of how they were. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-14 09:21:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Brilliant piece! I read this a few times before feeling comfortable about commenting on it.
You have blended imagery in written words of hope of feeling free in the world - thus in your first verse which ends tenderly and captures the attention of the reader.
Nothing should be taken away or changed in the 1st verse. I did hesitate in the 2nd verse to wonder if you were now changing over to relationships being the focus of this poem.
The ending of this poem is just as the beginning with a strong force of imagery along with thought provoking lines but these answers - All, may rest as dreams in mystery because as you've pointed out
signs are confusing - through anyone's life.
Enjoyed this poem very much, on my list for March.
Blessings,
Deni