This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-03-18 16:55:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Remembered Tears

I cried the tears and knew I must the well will not run dry I touched the window pane to see the rain that tumbled down The endless nightmares I have known became my sighs of fear I searched to find the darkest clime and thought my soul would break One wonders why some live their lives and never feel the pain of scalding tears like ember’s fire upon their tender cheeks I breathe all ticks of time that marks the moments of my past Once gathered from the cloak of night are memories now mute My heart once hurt now seeks to sleep with dreams I cannot dream

Copyright © March 2011 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-23 16:18:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
I feel like I could use a tissue right now. Very touching emotional write where one looks back and reflects with words, imagery and a song like hint added in this piece. They say a poet doesn't like to be told their poems would make a good song yet I feel differently. Lyrics of beautiful songs are written down then set to a melody. A good choice of words blended leaves a lasting impression in a song as does this poem in my mind. Another terrific post from you -especially the ending - very haunting and unique. blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-03-22 00:34:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
"the well will not run dry" I think is in the wrong person for the poem. I think the end is weak. I begrudgingly tell you this, this is not your best and I think you should rework it. There are faint similes and metaphors and I know how well you have worked them in the past. I would work on the window, the rain and the tears. That starts off so strong. I look forward to reading more of your work. Kind regards.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-19 13:23:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Cheyenne, a touching and powerful view of your heart. Having walked through years of your example, it relives for me the same aperture of vision, that you write of yourself. The images “well not run dry”, “window pane… rain tumbled down”, “darkest clime”, “scalding tears”, “dreams I cannot dream” is such a resonance of power to the hurting spirit- Mostly my favorite is “the tears I knew I MUST”. What a prefatory line to the rest to your piece. Although your last line is the moment, it is “seeks to sleep” is the image left with me. A well done piece.
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