This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-04-04 22:23:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Stone Cold Heart

Stones skipping cross water and being thrown that feel the cool streams are the stones I long to believe in and hand over to you Harsh can curse stand to sandpaper my mind those that do will be left far far behind In utter clutter of shamelessness I will capture my own pride tuck it inside and leave you curiously waiting To understand why your disheartening plan went skipping across the lake of my life

Copyright © April 2011 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-05 11:02:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, your title, drew me to assess the poem differently. That is a good thing. The overall metaphor; that of a “cold heart” to the physical world- works well. It works remarkably well. In the “utter shamelessness” is found the image of both sides of the coin, that of shunned and shunner. It is brilliant. Also, we see the same duality in “capture my own pride and tuck it inside” that allows the “cold heart” and yet images to something different in the morality of the soul. To leave us “skipping across the lake” the stone from a warm hand to cold waters- is poignant. An excellent read.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-04-29 15:01:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Deni, A bit sad at your man's decision to throw away happiness like roks skimming the waters. What's meant to be seems meant to be despite our want and need. Good job, easy flow, message delivered. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2011-04-09 11:58:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni. Its been a long time since I have read here, but I will do my best :) and give an honest and straight-forward review. One thing I really like is the part about pride being tucked inside! That whole stanza is awesome. It reads well, smoothly, and I understood it completly! Some other things I didn't understand quite as well though. The thing about stones that you long to believe in....I think you need more about that. I wish I understood what those stones represented to you! I can understand the concept, but don't get the feeling that I can understand your pain. I'm sure this is as deep as the lake the stones skip 'cross' (is that a 'mean' river? no, I think you mean the same as 'across' but wanted to point it out since others may see it that way. Over all, its a good poem that I like. I look forward to reading more of your work! Hope I was helpful. Thanks!
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