This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-04-11 17:40:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I'm Here, I'm Here A path along
the forest floor
its silence gathered
from the cloak of night
folds dusk into dawn
Pine trees
weep with dewy mist
and wild flowers
stand still as air
The thickets drift
with the scent of deer
while hawks soar
high on liquid stairs
Beneath the boughs
of aspen the furtive
dash of quails
hears the echoing
stealth of foxes
as they leave their lair
A slice of sun
robs the somber
clouds of their gray
as the forest wakes
from night whispers
I’m here, yes I’m here
I release my waiting breath
like a hushed sigh
Quietly I renew my soul
with this colossal wonder |
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Copyright © April 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-07 16:33:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, there is little left to the imagination in your piece. Little needed to respond, and yet too much to fill the longing.
This is a wonderful walk through the woods; maybe in a grander metaphor, through the blessings and longevity of living.
I caught my breath from halfway through the first stanza, until the end and after. It really didn’t change with multiple readings.
This is a beautiful painting; and I want to visit it again.
For all of it, and all of this, to know. We are here. I wonder if in the end, the wonder remains the same.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-04-26 22:14:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Awe, such a serene and enjoyable view you offer us Cheyenne in that incomparble way that only your accomplished strophe can. There is nothing here to find fault with, impeccable as always and a true gem--a most enjoyable read, good luck with the contest. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-04-26 14:26:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
You're there....wish I were too.
You've painted a lovely forest scene with your paintbrush of words.
You make the trees come alive/
I like " silence gathered
from the cloak of night
folds dusk into dawn"
Very unique and a bit romantic.
I like how you write.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-04-16 11:38:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
How odd we both posted poems about forests, yet yours is much more appealing to me.
It just floats with perfection and beautiful imagery which captures the readers attention and
takes them away to this place you've written about with wonder and amazement.
Breathtaking Cheyenne - a def on my list for April.
Such talent is inspiring and not only gives the reader a fantastic poem but teaches others
what unforgettable poetry is all about.
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2011-04-13 14:52:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hello Cheyenne! I am impressed with your visuals here! Your words bring pictures to my mind and help me see what you have seen. I stumbled on the hawks flight, but its no big deal. I live in an area where there are lots of hawk to watch. A silly suggestion maybe, but perhaps they could 'lift high on forward air' or something. They don't actually fly much, just ride the waves of air. I've never seen a hawk in the forrest so maybe thats different. Anyway, its just a thought. I think you could make your lines longer, combining them and adding more flow.
I love your ending. I feel a leap of joy with 'I'm here. I'm here!' like the birds of morning announcing their survival and surprised by it.
Its a great read. Thanks for sharing it.
Ellen
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