This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-04-14 16:13:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Down To Earth Walk

Dressed in peasant’s wear of  pleasure suited for searching gems or treasure. Taking time for tranquil thoughts sinking deep in peaceful walks  allowing air to flow at ease marvel at the wondrous trees. Pinched together vast and strong. Take my hand  we’ll walk along. Dark holds dark never fear the woods in eve transitioned is clear as the sun blinks goodnight we’ll walk along this path less light. Up above is no man’s land under our feet mere morsels of sand. Darkening, darker, black as can be together holding hands the beauty we’ll still see. What rumbles will be what howls we'll not see. What holds tomorrow is that you love me.

Copyright © April 2011 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2011-05-04 15:32:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This piece has an uninterupted meter and a good score of rhymes. I like the message and especially the ending. Up above is no man’s land under our feet mere morsels of sand. A neat idea would be to make the deep sky and the sand under-foot, somehow join together around you, as if you two were all one! Just a thought :) Good work! Thanks, Ellen


This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-04-25 23:47:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Demi with the alliteration! Try: Dressed in peasant’s wear of pleasure -> Dressed in peasant’s plume of pleasure suited for searching gems or treasure. -> suited for searching trash or treasure. marvel -> marveling I like how the walk and path narrows. Good imagery. I go up and down as I read. kind regards
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-04-25 13:57:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, the image of sharing “take my hand” in the beauty of this living- the forests, trees, breeze; and also in the dark the forbidding is a striking contrast. The metaphors ring out, of safety in numbers, if you will; or more over, the sharing of burdens is as illuminating as the sharing of sunshine. Love then, maybe only, reserves an institutional view of the heart; of this life, of the good and the not as good. “We’ll walk along this path of less light” sings it own view. The path that is not dark, but less light requires the “glass half full” attitude. This reinforces the vision of both. An encouraging piece. I appreciated the post.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-04-16 13:19:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, The is a marvelous poem and I enjoyed the walk with you. You have used descriptive words to express yourself and the rhyme carries the words down the page with ease. There is something so peaceful and uplifting about this piece. I especially like your line....under our feet mere morsels of sand...excellent! Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
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