This Poem was Submitted By: Pat Eaklor On Date: 2011-05-18 13:27:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Stone Church
Old stone church,
Altered by time.
Holiness
Of Ancient Blood,
Sacrifice
Freely Given,
Bought tranquility and peace... |
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Copyright © May 2011 Pat Eaklor
Additional Notes:
Previously published at Fanstory.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-27 09:02:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Pat, this is so few words that project volumes in story and image.
The fact that you combined the building “old stone church†with the worship lineage “of ancient bloodâ€, is a brilliant move.
You speak of “sacrifice†which is the contribution, if you will, of the practitioners, and it immediately transcribes as an attribute to the stone church itself. The fact that “altered by time†speaks of the contribution that the stone church makes, also the “stone†contributes to your last line- “tranquility and peace.†This is the image remaining of the church itself, brought by the foundation of the old facility. Stones are like that.
A pleasant and introspective read.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-05-22 02:16:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Pat,
Your title drew me in to read this poem with the spiritual meaning that is related
to churches.
It's short but the message of a "place of peace" is noted within your lines.
I would embellish this a bit more - with imagery - give it some visuals within the poem
that draw the reader in and hold them captivated by simply adding creative thoughts with imagery
to make this stand out more.
thank you so much for sharing,
blessings,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-05-20 15:32:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Short and befuddling. When was tranquility bought? Was the price ancient blood or the freely given sacrifice? Is the tranquility brought on by "time?" Sorry, I'm left wondering.
kind regards
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-05-18 14:54:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Pat,
This is an accomplished Whtiney poem and one I enjoyed reading from the first line to the last. My late husband and I use to tramp the mountains and plains where we saw many old buildings. I always wished their walls could talk. Just imagine the tales they could tell. You have chosen your words carefully in writing this piece. They are expressive and creative. This poem is a treat and I hope you will continue to post your work here. Bravo!
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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