This Poem was Submitted By: charles r pitts On Date: 2011-07-20 08:34:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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twisted Tulips and posies and daisies and rosies
I'm trying to play nice you see.
Rainbows and bunnies and bright shining sunnies
But somehow it just isn’t me.
Puppies and kittens and warm fuzzy mittens
Sweet love letters and wedding vows
Ah--screw it
Rabies and scabies and bloated dead babies
So how are you liking me now?
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Copyright © July 2011 charles r pitts
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-08-01 18:11:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Perhaps a bit too truthful but excellently written. I especially liked the turn as so often people do not truly voice what comes to thought. The thought, too me screams for everyone to quit sugar coating everything in life. Life is real, often harsh and not pleasing to the eye...fantasy or realism; either way this was excellently constructed with good balance, an easy flow that led the reader right to the point of impact without a hitch. On my list, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-07-29 21:31:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Charles, again you bring a level of intensity and passion to a piece. I enjoyed the whimsicality of your off rhymes/English.
To hold on to the theme, of a façade I believe- till finally the end game is not worth continuing on with the mask.
Your images were so well done, even the final lines- and the final lines hit so well that I longed to remain in the first few lines for a bit of respite, and avoid the ugliness.
To answer your question, I don’t think I can tell you- but I’d prefer not to get you pissed.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-07-23 17:41:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Charles,
This is a stunning poem that starts out sweet and quite lovely and ends with dispair and stark images. I rather like poems that are unperdictable and make me sit up and take notice....this one certainly does that for me. A well written and compalling poem. I'm not sure about your last line as it doesn't have the impact as the rest of the poem.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-07-20 17:52:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well then, yes with all the good in life - there is just as much bad, more bad lately from
my view of life - yet we stand and endure all that crosses our path -with strength
to be able to handle the bad parts - the visuals are amazing - and the message is stark,
which brought the impact of this piece at the end- the other words were you
showing in this poem all "little pretty things in life", while there are numerous
counts of sadness in the world. Good write.
blessings,
Deni
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