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Trouble in Paradise "you have no conscience!" everyone has a conscience!" my soul shoots its roots into white soil, so no one noticed. she was noticed, blonde and tied tight. we were deceived by a crystal surface. then she fell in love, with my notebook. adam, old friend, we must speak of cunts and apples, of how the world snores and turns on its side, and hush when yeats speaks of maude gonne and auld lang syne. we will trust crane to distract the seraphim. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-09-01 00:13:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Depth is noted. A troubling fight when one digs deep to pure soil,
Yes has the blonde only love for the "words" or for the person who pens them?
Thought provoking -Powerful beginning because it's over said through
time that "some have no conscience when science specifically proves the difference.
It is where one's priority lies within each mind - where people judge
if they consider or don't consider their actions.
More depth and I believe you refer to "Adam", of Adam & Eve - apples
gave this away - the use of the "C" word - jolts the line -
yet I see that word in a lot of your writes so it has to have a powerful
meaning to point out what is considered scum, in a woman's soul,
which I have found out truly exists is some. I like to think I escaped that
with being born of a different nature.
Truly one of your best thus so far this year -and def worth reading,
and when in the hell are you going to self-publish?
The world is waiting to eat this up Mark.
blessings,
Deni