This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-10-08 17:45:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Frilly Dress For every tatter of her frilly dress
she will recall the warmth of arms embrace
and making love with words and whispered dreams,
ethereal kisses that could melt angel’s lace.
Undulation that bathes in moonlight streams
with every string that strums and every song
that sings while lovers swoon in sonnet’s tune,
she know she lives where all her rhymes belong
Where life’s sweetest breath is complete
and graced by angel’s touch their hearts are blessed.
She sways and twines while feeling just one pulse
for every tatter of her frilly dress
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Copyright © October 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-10-29 11:51:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, the drumbeat of a life, meeting and greeting love; with I will assume, metaphor includes the “tatters†as those lower points or lost loves.
There is also the inclusive, exclusivity, if you will of “whispered dreams†those moments left on the table unfulfilled, as is part of living in general, and the second part of many “sonnetsâ€.
S3L1- I don’t know why you slipped to an eight count- maybe to accent “completeâ€.
“sways and twines†is a marvelous run in to “one pulse†the plural of the frills and tatters, and yet the continuation of the heart (life) that sustains it all.
Lastly to “live in her rhymes†takes the amalgam of all of it and adds a personal perspective to the metaphor; that of (if not embracing) certainly weaving it all into a story worth the viewing (or reading).
I enjoyed the look into the book.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2011-10-18 00:49:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, This is a cute poem (not minimizing it at all). It reminds me of a Virginia Woolf novel for some reason, perhaps the frilly dress makes me think upon flower.
I like the poem, but I loved the second stanza most of all. For some reason, the stanzas the precede and follow it don't stand out as much, but that doesn't mean a thing.
The first stanza seemed to be more of a presentation and the final one, a verse of reiteration. But I found the 2nd stanza deeply, perhaps sensually moving, and it's no wonder after taking a closer look:
/Undulation that bathes in moonlight streams/ . . . (this is a seriously romantically moving line; you set a different tone with this line than the playful lines with which you begin in the first stanza. There's something sultry and seductive and stage setting about this line).
/with every string that strums and every song/that sings while lovers swoon in sonnet’s tune, (these two lines are filled with a favorite technique of mine, alliteration. I love the s sounds and how every word comes together to give creedence to the mood that was set in the first line of this stanza).
These lines are seductive when you make the reader think on strings that strum and songs that sing or lovers who swoon in sonnet's tune. There's some clever assonance going on in this line too. Your genius as a poetic shine through in this stanza definitely. I would love to have seen this stanza open the poem and end with two stanzas that equal it in mood and meaning.
Very nice.
she know she lives where all her rhymes belong
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-10-09 21:22:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very touching and beautiful piece blending spirituality with life and love.
Your structure is flawless and this one line makes a strong impact
in this poem:
that sings while lovers swoon in sonnet’s tune,
she know she lives where all her rhymes belong
For me it's about understanding that we are where we are suppose to be
in life and accepting it as it is,
Very romantic, peaceful write.
Kudos Cheyenne!
Well done! I adore this poem.
blessings,
Deni
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