This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2011-11-07 05:54:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
After You Left After You Left
God
cracked
the sky
and came
back
for us
before
we killed
each other
over
beds, desks,
refrigerators, curtains,
costume jewelry,
and end
|
|
Copyright © November 2011 Latorial D. Faison
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-18 17:01:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Latorial,
This is a stunning poem and one I wish I had written. Your words are stark and delicious in their darkness. The sorowful feel to the words are compelling and brings home the fact that sometimes we fight over nothing at all which often leads to a break up of a relationship or marriage. I especially like the line..
God
cracked
the sky
It is creative and expressive. Bravo!
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-13 20:22:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial, I have great respect for brevity that leaves a story to fill in itself. Although there are some straight forward reflections in this piece; I also find the comparisons in the metaphor for something being bigger for one than the other. Yes, brevity is nice at times.
How “after you left†it seemed life would end, hope was gone, and the despair remained. (God cracked the sky) It was that big of a thing. Then for the reality of God watching, if he/she/it is that is a big thing, and if not, it all remains a big thing, nevertheless.
And the petty squabbles, (or they seem petty compared the event) one can hear Christopher Walken commenting “curtains? we need curtains?†and all the while we may actually need curtains, but it isn’t worth the value of the soul, and no matter who acquires them in the break up; the only difference is the memories held in the faded colors.
It made me think, and think I did. I wonder if I’ll be more ready than humanity, or if it really matters as the universe expands to obscurity. A fine thinking piece, Latorial. It is a fine thinking piece.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!