This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-18 17:12:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Touch my Soul My heart is speaking words that heaven sent
the meaning rhymes with what I meant
I hold dear drops that fall like beads of sweat
in liquid pools to drown I went
As time passed slow your love did not relent
our first dance of love passion met
and now the floor that sparkled stars is spent
Our song is pure and innocent
So touch my soul with words that I can feel
hold me with strength that withers steel
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Copyright © November 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-11-26 14:08:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Cheyenne,
I like it all but......the dear drops!
Even if the count is off it would be better gone. Or replaced ....
Dear seems not descriptive enough.
I love your writings always, but that word just didn't set.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-20 13:45:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, I am partial to love poems- and this is a passionate look into the authors eyes.
In particular, it transits and the situations, of “first dance†and the easing of heart ache create a singular metaphor; meant of not, of living and the interactions of the heart. Of your rhymes, when “spent†and “innocent†hit- they highlight the entire feeling, passion and modesty of the piece.
Of the author, the revelation; “touch my soul†remakes the entire verse in a matter of need and adulation.
Of love, “our song is pure and innocentâ€. There is enough there to hold me.
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