This Poem was Submitted By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2011-12-27 11:04:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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What Do You See?

Difference in hue Is sometimes all we think about Look inside Close your eyes to all that's "out" Empathize and you will have no doubt Of our similar point of view

Copyright © December 2011 Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen

Additional Notes:
Poem I wrote a while back about diversity - I welcome your comments!


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-01-07 13:15:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Kimberly, as with all forms of free verse it is the images that validate the verse. Alhtough the two major rhymes bring a continuity to your piece, it is also the form that makes the image in this case. I could wonder about the “similar point of view” and think that in a time of institutionalized thinking this might be true. However; when reading this piece what came to my mind aside from the colors, the “hue” is that even on the base moral application the “look inside” could hardly find a “similar point of view”. We have peoples who cannot even agree that it is moral or immoral to destroy an unborn child- passionately disagreeing. But that is not of your piece, and it is your piece that I am here to speak to. I could want to be party to such altruistic illusion, John Lennon’s “Imagine” never ceases to capture me, and I am a junky for the feel good movies at Christmas time on the family channels, and probably, should we all re-congregate in heaven, all the nuances will be validated or destroyed. I assume you are younger and idealistic, to my older where such images are tempered by the lack of redemption in the societies of life. All in all, it would be nice if the two fold image were available to all, that is; what is really true on subjects share, and regarding the fellow walker with the integrity to actually acquiesce to what is true. I fear, till we join eternity, a “similar point of view” will be a rare gem.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-12-27 15:38:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hello Kimberly, trust me I'm not a pro - but a few things stood out in this poem about diversity that with a bit of fine tuning would in my opinion only have more impact on the reader. In the first two lines I would change Difference to differences as a collective group that would be on time with sometimes - the plural - as in: Differences in hues sometimes are all we think about In the next two lines I would recommend starting with the second line - Close your eyes - then add Look inside to all that's out - putting it more in proper arrangement - The last two lines stand on their own - so in essence the poem would read as such: Differences in hues sometimes are all we think about Close your eyes look inside to all that's out Empathize and you will have no doubt of our similar point of view Only my view of what could enhance what you've written if just rearranged a bit - Good job, we all perceive things differently in life which makes us all complete individuals; yet we can relate to things in the same way at most times. The topic or issues and concepts of life all vary. blessings, Deni
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