This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-01-01 14:45:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
On Our Way Ready
to
sail
on
a
ship so little
as
the
wind
pushes
it gently over every ripple
It
will
silently
flow
through
uncharted waters;
waters
that
are
unknown
but
when
it
docks
and
I am smiling
I'll know this little ship is home. |
|
Copyright © January 2012 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-03 10:20:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, the form quite supports the message. your title sets the little ship a’sail.
That life and dreams are spurred by metaphoric waves and winds- and that the next day is always –uncharted waters- leaves one with the –unknown- no matter how well prepared the day.
The waves of your form sort of push the –little ship- along. One wonders towards the end (a moving ending that is both a day to day exposure and the ending of life itself) whether the sights past were worth the voyage. Then again, in the end –I am smiling- and that says volumes. The author is far more at peace with it all than I am. I will have to be dragged into the next dimension kicking and screaming for just one more moment.
A very nice little voyage in our metaphoric sea.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-01-21 14:04:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
This leaves soooooo much you can imagine. I like it a lot.
I need to do as this.
I think this is one of your best!
You captured an emotion onto paper and it sailed.
How great is that!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-01-14 14:30:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
This poem is both clever and creative. I love the simplicity of the one word lines, something I have never thought to do. The metaphor of the little ship is superb and the theme made me smile as I was urging the little ship on. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kay C Steward On Date: 2012-01-09 08:39:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I liked the theme of your poem; it would look better if you closed the lines up (making sentences)and my suggestions (with respect) to make your poem flow 'Ship so small - The wind pushes - When it docks, I am smiling - For this small ship has come home. Each line looks better if you use a capital letter. Well done poet. Regards, Kay.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2012-01-02 10:13:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
Love this poem! Simple, yet the sweet - imagery is great. I have this vision of two people in love jumping into a small boat, canoe, whatever and paddling along, seeing their own little island in the distance and hoping the waves won't be too rough when the get into the open sea and try to reach it.
Love when a poem let's you take something from it and relate it to how you would perceive the world. Speaks to my former romantic sensibilities.
Love the layout too - you expanded on what I think are the key points: It is a small beginning, there will be small trials along the way, and they are unknown but I am smiling and hopeful because I know we will get there and it will be home.
Ship so little
It gently over every ripple
Uncharted Waters
I am smiling
I'll know this little ship is home
Thanks for sharing - really love it!
Kim
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!