This Poem was Submitted By: Kay C Steward On Date: 2012-01-10 09:35:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Friendships From the garden of life
Reaping love, not strife
In our life time; life line
Easy, taking our time
Nesting in each other's arms
Destiny called our names
Softly awakening our claims
Helping hands reach out
In times of trouble or doubt
Partaking of each other's pain
Seeking to love, without gain. |
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Copyright © January 2012 Kay C Steward
Additional Notes:
Friendships is an acrostic poem. I think we all need friends and true friends are like diamonds, precious and rare, false ones like autumn leaves found everywhere.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-06 00:05:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Kay
There's no doubt you've caught the major elements of friendships here, and your tone is nicely consistent throughout. I think one of the dangers, though, in acrostic poems is the tendency towards "bitty-ness", i.e. a handful of "one-line thoughts", and I don't think you've competely avoided it here.
For example: "In our life time; life line/Easy, taking our time" looks at first like an enjambed line...except that it's not. As a result, although the individual lines - when read separately - are fitting, as currently presented they don't seem to me to flow as gently as perhaps they could. Punctuation would probably do a lot to fix this throughout.
Best wishes,
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-01-17 17:32:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Kay,
Acrostic poetry is not usually my cup of tea but I do like this one.
From the garden of life
Reaping love, not strife
In our life time; life line.........an exceptional line
Easy, taking our time
Nesting in each other's arms......I like 'nesting' here
Destiny called our names..........excellent line
Softly awakening our claims.......here too
Helping hands reach out
In times of trouble or doubt
Partaking of each other's pain
Seeking to love, without gain........to me these lines are the most powerful
This is an exquisite poem even if it is an acrostic! (smile) Well done.
best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2012-01-11 08:35:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kay,
Thank you for this...it is a perfect description of what a friend should be.
Recently, I have gone through a lot and my closest friends provided all that you describe here.
I also learned something new - the term acrostic - very interesting and creative.
I love many lines of this one...destiny called our names - feeling as if finding that particular friend or confidant was preordained.
Partaking in each other's pain - great imagery.
Thank you for this work.
Have a great day!
Kim
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