This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-01-14 14:33:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Missed Tear I think I missed a tear
when I cried for you
I can feel it linger
waiting to fall
but somehow
it never does
I wept for the songs
we never sang
before we bid farewell
I nursed them through
the empty winter
and counted each
leaf that spring bore
One day I wrote
a poem for you
put it in a bottle
and cast it out to sea
then I knelt
and wept anew
as it came back to me
unopened
I’ll walk in endless memories
and talk of you no more
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Copyright © January 2012 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-07 19:51:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Chey
Some lovely moments in here, My fave: "wept anew/as it came back to me/unopened".
Mark xx
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-01-28 12:43:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, there resounds in this piece the resolve of the soul to embrace such a loss. The final stanza is satire; of an ending that we all know cannot abide that soul. It is a fitting ending- and those who can imbibe the content of this verse will not be lost in it.
The image of the tear; the tear that comes, the tear that doesn’t fall, a fulfilling and unfulfilling emotional response creates an air of loss and disbelief at loss, in a single image. There are things within that image that are best left to the reader; and you do.
The poem in a bottle- that message to one who can never recover it, is redoubled by the return; here nobody has received it an joined in on the sorrow, no empathy- just the writer recovering her own sorrow to speand alone in the moment.
This could be a metaphor for life, for the seasonal swing from life to death, or the impropriety of lost love; but whatever the general assumption of the reader, the content of the loss remains a powerful one.
A very sweet / bittersweet read.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-01-18 16:07:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Chey,
Another lovely poem from your gifted and accomplished pen. Your choice of verbiage is delightful in the images that you paint as is the gentle flow of your easy to read poem. Most enjoyable. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2012-01-15 10:39:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Cheyenne,
Very powerful! Makes me think of a lament for a relationship that meant more to one person than the other and that person feeling that they still have a heart for someone who has moved on.
I think I can identify - feeling like although I have cried a million tears over something, there still seems to be just a few more bubbling beneath the surface and threatening to break through.
Here is my favorite line:
"One day I wrote
a poem for you
put it in a bottle
and cast it out to sea
then I knelt
and wept anew
as it came back to me
unopened"
Such utter defeat as the author seems to make one last attempt, take one last chance to share their feelings just to find that they weren't even heard. That to me is worse than being heard and ignored in some cases - you want to know that the person at least cares to listen, even if they will not respond.
Again, very strong piece for me. Thanks for sharing.
Kim
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