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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-01-19 17:16:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Timing

Babies are born one upon another Yet troubled earth is fixed to blow With unease suffers the mothers Still tiny ones are set to show Innocence shines through their eyes Energy pure and perfect new Conscious adults tend to cry Hope arrives for a child's debut Love doesn't end when times ride rough Sometimes it's cherished even more In it's seeking it builds one tough New existence, welcome ashore Like the silence of snow falling A mother's instinct transcends all Against all odds she will prevail The promise of love must not fail New beginnings could possibly be Reviving the goals of harmony

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-07 20:43:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena I've read this one several times, trying to get a fix on my response to it. While I like it, I think overall it just doesn't quite come together for me :-( Sorry. E.g. in the first stanza: "Babies are born one upon another/Yet troubled earth is fixed to blow/With unease suffers the mothers". The first image makes me think of a "pile of babies", which is probably NOT what you're after. Further on, because I'm so anal, I go looking for punctuation to help me grasp this, but there's no such help...and the lack of noun/verb agreement (either "suffers the mother" or "suffer the mothers", NOT "suffers the mothers") is confusing. I guess all I'm really saying is that this one doesn't seem to have the flow you usually achieve. Best wishes, Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-01-20 19:28:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow, how spot on for the times we are living in. Good flow and an excellent choice of words made this an easy and pleasant read. Nothing to suggest, bravo. Aho! Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-01-20 10:04:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, as always a piercing piece. I am enamored with the goodness and hope built in. The idiom that stands out in this piece, for me, is “a mother’s instinct transcends all” that in itself is a leap of faith in the world you write of. (As a man and a parent it also received a wry half smile from me- feeling, once again, left out of the goodness to children paradigm). It is a standard, of “new beginnings” not only the child being born but the metaphor for the changes the child will bring to all society as a unique “beginning” or contribution. The crux of your piece that proper parenting will prepare and then ultimately loose a well adjusted adult into society reminds me of a thousand images prepared for the child, from birth till forever. The piece is uplifting and encouraging- and seeing as I really adore babies; it lets me begin where I enjoy and ride out into the sunset with the hope. Of the setting for this piece; I think the format matches the message. Uplifting.

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