This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-03-08 14:31:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Golden Shears

The tapestry I stitched with care unraveled at the hem I shaped the ends with golden shears until the pleats were smooth  With limber finger I had twined the thread, but teary drops remained on satin strips that pulled somber lines life had carved I wished to mend the rips with the rainbow thread that binds but tatter’s depth was laced with frowns that held my soundless soul My sewing box brimmed with pastel tones that made my needle sing But soon the silver tip was cold and bound with twisted lace If spoonfuls of dawn can fade the folds of ebon night I’ll clutch the hem of rags and keep all hearts that blend despite the frayed seams of my mortal dress that I have sewn with love

Copyright © March 2012 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-06 02:57:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a delightful piece! Your word choices are great! I can picture these nimble loving fingers and this heart felt work. . I dont think you should change any of the words, but I think you could redesign your stanza style. If spoonfuls of dawn can fade if spoonfuls of dawn the folds of ebon night can fade the folds of ebon night I’ll clutch the hem of rags and keep I'll clutch the hem of rags all hearts that blend despite and keep all hearts that blend dispite the frayed seams of my mortal dress that I have sewn with love It has a great feel to it. I love the pictures you conjure in my imagination. I'm not sure that my suggestions are helpful, but it does change the tempo and the pace to something more comfortable?? Just a thought. I really like this!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-03-18 19:24:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, beautifully done. The assonance, should you wish to know its affect, worked well. Also the 8/6 meter worked well for the piece. I found myself imagining, in a retrospective manner- (not retrospective of the piece, but of my life in light of the piece) and realized the metaphor you have penned was more intuitive than seen on the face. The fact that the majority of life (excluding the edges) is not where the imperfections are easily seen. It is on the –hem- the edges that things get out of hand and need –mending- looking at my life in the image of this piece, granted something obscure that might have been missed. You ending of –mortal dress- and –sewn with love- one controllable and one not, accentuated the entire dress sewn with the –rainbow thread that binds- An enjoyable piece to blend with MSS’s Prayer for the poets. Really a home and hearth feel.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-09 15:31:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 3.00000
An ostentatious use of imagery since the outcome is far more maudlin than otherwise purposeful...like you were aiming an appeal too narrowly at those that shared your own immediate frame of reference. Take a look at W.B. Yeats and his application of his subject matter in his, Cap and Bells. It isn't maudlin there since his is an effort to reach out to the object of his devotion. Yours is all held in and purely introspective. Self-contained is not the impression much useful to a poet. We've seen others here wrap themselves up in ME in this way, and it didn't work any better for them...no matter that they might have been voted high for it. Here, as much as anywhere else, is a line of disembarkation between poetic failure and success. JCH
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