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Back to the Sunshine Regret How did it ever come to this? Upset So much more I just might miss Not Yet! There's still things on OUR bucket list Can we find our way back to the sunshine? Time flies Can't turn back the ticking hands Not wise To run back without changing things Eyes cry Overflowing tears of anger and pain Wish we could recall all the thoughtless words and deeds Our love Never ending, despite the many trials Your love A fierceness that makes my heart smile My love It's never changing, but all the while Wondering Hoping Dying to believe We can find our way back to the sunshine Do we have what it takes...to get back to the sunshine? |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-17 11:31:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Kimberly. Nice to meet you! I believe this is the first time I have seen your work. I hope I can give you a decent crit! I love the message you deliver. I swear I have felt that way before. I imagine everybody will relate on some level.
I like the desperation you begin with. "regret" and "upset" set the mood and offer hope too. The last verse, "wondering, hoping and dieing to believe" makes it all the more real and it ties the end to the beginning. Thats very important, and you did it well.
I have to comment on one thing tho! Your description for 'time' is....well....amusing. Please don't missunderstand me, I enjoyed your writ! I have tried many times to find something that works in my own writings! You have used "ticking hands" and "flies". "Ticking hands presents an older lady with knitting needles....lol
"wondering" "hoping" and "dieing to believe" definately add to the feeling of desperation and desire. Great word choices there!
I really like the title. Thats what drew me to read this. And you brought it through to the finish.!
I'm glad I had the chance to read this! I do like it alot. It has momento and feeling.
~smiles~
Ellen