Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-04-17 19:39:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Geriatric Parade

I am ballsy, I am brash I witness and I listen to every clang and clash I know the dos and I know the don’ts I don’t give a hang and never swear to the won’ts Can’t take my straw hat away can’t tell me I have to do it your way Much to bold for afternoon teas going to live life before it gets cold I like my sometimes-purple hair and dressing with stripes and dots as if, I didn’t have a care No longer must I conform, no longer must I impress I am on a most prestigious mission this is my geriatric quest Make no mistake for what you take as an elder person’s needed care we of the geriatric tribe are much more clever in our eccentric flare Hidden mischief behind be twinkled eyes lies in wait for the keeper’s next dare. Welcome to Sunny Hills

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2012-06-13 18:42:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
OMG!!! I love it! I puffed up as I read...lol Each line made my smile bigger, and saucier. Each stanza enforced my resolve. I'm sure that was deliberate, and so well voiced. I wasted so much of my life trying to 'conform' to what others expected of me. No more. This resolve is evident here, and yet it still commands a smile and a gentled emotional connection, and yes; even a dare. The last line is simply hilarious...I'm at 'Shady Pines!" lol It's been so long, girlfriend, but I have picked up my pen again. I am still deathly afraid of actually speaking with anyone - I cannot control the anger anymore. I spit venom too freely these days. I found this to be uplifting in it's rebellion of conformity!! I've missed ya sweetie! ~ Mary

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-21 00:09:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
lol lol lol Lora this is great! I love this line about how clever 'they' can be: we of the geriatric tribe are much more clever soo true!! mischievious little old lady's in red hats and purple shirts with things steaming up! And can you blame them? I'm hoping that I'll be one of them some day! lol This is so clever and entertaining. I really like it, it's great! Thanks for the light heart this evening ~smiiles~ Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-04-18 18:04:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Lora, I just love this poem. It speaks of maturity that is a gift compared to the alternative. I found myself smiling with each line. It is well composed, funny and the message is one every aged one should heed. I think if we live long enough we have much wisdom to impart...if only we could get someone to listen. "Welcome to Sunny Hills" is the perfect ending to this excellent piece of poetry! Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2012-04-18 17:35:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Lora, I don’t do a lot of critiques for various reasons, but I owe you at least a couple and when I hit the critique list you were on top! Absolutely enjoyed this one. I read then re-read several times and found a whole lot to like. The first verse; Ballsy and brash and then clang and clash go really well together, I’m guessing the majority of writers would have used crash and then lost the cl sound. Made for a nice strong start and had this reader from the git go. As poets we must all be aware it’s all been said before and there are few subjects that aren’t hashed to death (politics) so for me originality counts a heck of a lot, good job with that, a nice not so often talked about subject. Humor is always good and something I need to improve on so I plan on trying to get more humorous and you did well with that, I loved the purple hair, stripes and polka dots stanza well done! Another thing I might try and steal from you was the way you tied two different versus together by rhyming the first line with the last from the previous verse. Care with flare in the last verse, perhaps accidental but even so it tied the two together nicely for me. Finally, the last verse hit me as both deep and serious; perhaps I misunderstood your meaning- Lies in wait for the keeper’s next dare after hidden mischief worked well and makes me think very hard about being in a nursing home so all the humor ended up making me both think and feel and I believe that’s the whole point of art. I would think this does well rating wise but if not you should be proud of this one and enter it other places, I would think your local paper would love to print it. I dislike fluffy critiques personally, I am sure you know what I mean; but at the same time I don’t think it helps anyone to dig and dig till you find something just for the sake of-well you know what I mean... Those can sometimes feel like haters so with that in mind here are a couple minor if not petty sug. I’m the worse for using extra words as you know so perhaps I am Ballsy and brash and I know the do’s and the don’ts, as opposed to I am brash and I know the don’ts, I say perhaps because it is extremely minor and it may ruin your cadence too much but that and one more are the only minor things I have. The Afternoon teas and living life before it gets cold verse, (it or the weather, the season, or you gets too cold?) was the only weak verse in the poem for me, and I say weak only in comparison to the many strong verses surrounding it. You could lose it as far as my read went though I suspect you are telling me you’d like a little something stronger in the late afternoon, did I read it right? Hope I gave you something to gnarr on and hope to hear more from you soon, you give great critiques yourself and I for one really appreciate your insights, thank you. mk

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!