This Poem was Submitted By: Andrew W. Slick On Date: 2012-06-18 13:07:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Drained I want to give her my world
All the best of me
When I feel like a failure
And all is not right
A gaze into those deep eyes
For once I to understand
It doesn’t matter to her
She loves to hate who I am
All that’s left is worse
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Copyright © June 2012 Andrew W. Slick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-07-07 12:54:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Andrew! Love is like that isnt it? Passion is both good and ugly and I like the way you put it. I esp like 'she loves to hate who I am'....wow. I think grama and grampa might have gotten that way over the years, but they both just agreed to disagree and managed to stay married forever....cant say if they were happy as grama wouldnt have told if she wasnt.
But back to your work. Giving here all the best that is in you is cool! But you also admit that wont ever be enough. You have to decide if you will be content to "love someone who hates you" or to move on...
I think your heart knows what you want. I hope you can find a way to follow through!
Best wishes to you!
Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-07-03 17:37:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Andrew,
There is nothing more sad than losing a love. Be it through death, seperation or anger it hurts just the same. I don't know if this piece is biographical or not but I have a feeling it is. In your line...for once I 'to' understand...do you mean 'too' or perhaps 'do?' Welcome to TPL
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-06-19 20:34:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow - powerful emotions emerge from this write. I really enjoyed this poem. There's a fine line between love and hate and hate is so harsh of an emotion yet people do it often and willingly let the words roll off their tongues.
I see someone who is just as good as another and trying so hard to please someone who doesn't want to notice.
A selfish act on the ladies part - and it can "drain" and pull a person down -
all that's left is worse until....
the hope in this poem should be in Part II - Drained,
good work,
blessings,
Deni
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