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This Poem was Submitted By: Andrew W. Slick On Date: 2012-06-18 13:09:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Her Name Was New Hampshire

Welcome to New Hampshire A Grinning Smile At the End of a Barrel Before the teeth Are Blowin Out Knees Buckle Neck to the floor As the blood pours out An Erie silence Smoke clears the room A selfish act Welcome to New Hampshire Live free or die You Haven’t Lived until You’re dead

Additional Notes:
purposeful misspellings

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-06-21 10:43:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Folate is now obtainable by everyone, not just pregnant ladies. It will relieve your mood, and, since you do have talent, you might pursue better interests than wasting it on personal "tragedy". Don't take this personal; this isn't the first time I've come down on the promising for misusing the genre for a pity parlor. By the way, decide to write prose or poetry, and, unless experimenting with something like stream of consciousness, don't confuse the two. It's worse than sophomoric. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-06-19 20:31:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Andrew, You must be new or I've been away from the site for too long. First I have to say the title is eye catching -it makes the reader curious about the content of the poem. Very nice clean structure with less words adds the impact of your imagery. I particularly liked your first verse and I stopped to laugh out loud. I've never stared at any end of any kind of gun - cute play on words - lends to the casual message of your poem. I can see you may have hesitated or pushed to find words for your second verse - the flow is just enough off - to stop the reader for a pause and read over to enjoy the lines. You may want to rethink that one verse because I'm not connecting "Smoke clears the room - A selfish act - Maybe I missed it - tell me if I did. All in all I'd say it's a good poem. I've never been to that state and trust that you have. Nice play on words to end the poem - Good work, blessings, Deni

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