This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-11-21 17:32:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Ash Lives are full of broken plates and tales
left half told, apologies that
come back like letters with not
enough postage and keys
that open no doors
saying goodbye
to nothing
but wet
ash
|
|
Copyright © November 2012 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2012-11-23 14:11:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Cheyenne
I love this piece. It is so emotional. I took the liberty of playing with the form and flow. I hope you don't mind. Again a really excellent piece. Thankyou Joe
Lives are full of broken plates
tales left half told
apologies that come back
like letters without
enough postage and keys
that open no doors
saying goodbye
to nothing
but wet
ash
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-11-22 10:38:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
cheyenne, what about the good times? And, don’t you hate those keys that sit around, unidentifiable, and unlock nothing presently recalled? Oh, oddly- even good times end so in a diaspora type departure, one takes the good with the bad, do we not?
I looked at your form and wondered at it. The metaphor of for was obvious, that to accent your poem with –broken lines- as if the plates and tales could be seen on the page. The lines are truncated and appear jagged.
-letters- you said letters. What of the days when a letter would arrive postage due because there was too little. It speaks of a systemic trust of old days, as much as it does of the actual postage unpaid by the sender. Then again, I know those who have sent bills and purposely not signed the checks to buy another week. Can it be Freudian as much as absentmindedness?
And of death, ashes to ashes- I think on it a lot, for many reasons other than those intimated in your verse. So, in reading- you stoked the fires that rain on the ending. I enjoyed this piece and frankly, wouldn’t change a thing.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!