This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2013-01-12 12:16:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Dead Days

Each tomorrow  Gets further away No particular magic Fills my days  The coins of my youth  Have long been spent  And only now do I feel The need to repent My tired shoes  Know well the dues  I have paid  The deals I have made The roads I have paved  I wish God  Could stop my fall  Your God  Their God  Any God  At all   

Copyright © January 2013 Joe Gustin


This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-01-24 17:46:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joe, You have penned a great poem and one I enjoyed from beginning to end. I like the dark flavor of the lines and the melancholy that seeps from your well chosen words. The only suggestion I have is to not use such large spaces between each verse. Dead Days Each tomorrow Gets further away No particular magic Fills my days ....should this be 'fill' instead of 'fills?' The coins of my youth Have long been spent And only now do I feel The need to repent....this is my favorite quantrain My tired shoes....excellent Know well the dues I have paid The deals I have made The roads I have paved.....great line Well done, Best wishes, cheyenne


This Poem was Critiqued By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2013-01-21 20:38:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joe, This one is interesting. The third part throws off the flow a bit, but I like the idea. I am curious your meaning about the title. Did you mean the limited number of days left before death. I think we have all considered these thoughts as we get older and wiser. Thank you for sharing your work. Kim
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