This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2013-09-01 23:46:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Beast Lying among the dead draining of life
a momentary why left among wounded
No answer but blunt steel traveling
a train of outrage to last longer than count
Made monument to what are we all
idle to know the better way
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Copyright © September 2013 James C. Horak
Additional Notes:
Inspired from watching a documentary, The Panama Deception.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2013-09-27 13:33:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A interesting poem about War My father served in W.W.II he would have loved this work
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-09-04 17:18:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi JCH, This poem begs to be pondered which I have come to know is your style.
Lying among the dead draining of life........evocative and stunning
a momentary why left among wounded.......I think a comma behind 'why' is warranted
No answer but blunt steel traveling .........blunt steel is a marvelous imagery
a train of outrage to last longer than count......good alliteration in last/longer. I love, train of outrage
Made monument to what are we all .................more alliteration in made/monument
idle to know the better way..................an excellent last line, the use of 'idle' is superb
I am glad you didn't use a lot of unnecessary punctuation to interrupt the flow. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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