This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-03-15 12:44:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Over Slept Spring remembers us
as she stirs from her slumber
from her dreams of bumble bees
scented trees,floral greens
She has heard our sighs
for warmer skies
for song filled birds
for a colourful earth
She wipes away the snowflakes
from the corners of her eyes
And combs out the ice-sickles
that have tangled her hair
And soon her breath will fill the air
and buds will dare to flare
Flowered faces with know again the sun
And we will stroll, while children run
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Copyright © March 2014 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-04-02 15:51:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nicely done Joe - it's a warm breath of air to cap off a much needed break from Winter woes. 3rd verse stands out in imagery - I enjoyed this write -
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2014-03-16 09:10:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nice piece Joe. I find, more and more in this poetry world that to put oneself out there for a simple, tender piece is looked at like wasting paper.
This piece has the potential to be dynamite. It made my morning. BTW, the assonant rhyme of “birds” and “earth” is marvelous. What a fine word choice. I’ll have to put it aside somewhere for some future piece.
I did wonder about S3L3/4 which suddenly left your rhyme scheme. The imaginary rhyme does present itself after hair (sickles), but I wondered if you meant that or if it was some other tool.
Really an enjoyable read- I think after a couple of edit cycles, it will be perfect.
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