This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-09-30 09:51:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Invisible Anchor Some things in life
will never be
just water under the bridge –
The depth and width
of this water
Colossal
Swallows a soul
so deeply
allowing brief moments
of life’s breath and air to emerge
(See the fleeting lone bird)
(Wander
be amazed by the beauty of the sky)
(Enjoy clouds as they sail in silence)
All music of life continues
a catching reprieve
to engage in a bit of natural life.
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Copyright © September 2014 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-10-01 20:15:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I understand how nature can be solace for the soul, however you portray this in a easy to read, light as a feather poem. Your timing is perfect as this reminds me to never pull up anchor, while clouds are sailing by
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia L McCaslin On Date: 2014-09-30 18:39:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Invisible Anchor
Some things in life
will never be
just water under the bridge –
The depth and width
of this water
Colossal
Swallows a soul
.
so deeply
allowing brief moments
of life’s breath and air to emerge
DeniMari--this first verse hit me like a ton of bricks. I had honestly never thought of "water under the bridge" in that way, and if the poem had stopped right there, before the dash, I'd have been completely satisfied with it!! LOL. Before I read that, I thought there was something the matter with ME (heaven forbid) but you have put it in universal terms and I know it's not just me anymore. "Colossal" is the perfect word there, and standing alone gives it the proper impact. Swallows a soul so deeply (almost too deep for us to imagine) allowing--(here, I think it needs a descriptive word of how brief--i.e. "too" "only" "painfully" (just my opinion). IN other words it feels so brief we just barely live through it. Maybe, just a thought. Now for the end--I don't think it's necessary. THe main body is such a powerful message that the picture at the end draws the mind away to a softer place, and it would seem to me you don't want your reader to be a in softer place after he faces the hard truth that you have just delivered. So, look at me now--someone has just validated that there are indeed some things that simply cannot be "water under the bridge"
I can tell how you love to write! I'll be watching for more.
Marcia McCaslin
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