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Wrapped Up Where do I begin to search for the time that has been lost; each moment, that was spent on pondering, the next task Reaching to capture this moment Another objective appears distracting the thought Finding time within the inner self, too busy to just keep up A new momentum becomes stronger, trying to slow things down As age, slows the individual down, the mind accelerates; trying to piece together the puzzle Nearing the completion of the mosaic of life, Time is exhausted and it must be put away in its container And then Wrapped |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia L McCaslin On Date: 2014-11-05 18:24:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your opening two lines are crisp, clear, and I’d say, universal. I could have written them because it is such a well-known dilemma. I’ll bet others will identify the same way (which is a good thing)
Personally, I love to know where a poem is going in the first few lines or first stanza. I like to know where it’s going and then enjoy the scenery that the poet is going to show me.
Lines 3 and 4—again clear and universal; how many times have I done the “now now now now” mantra and realizing that ‘now’ is too fleeting to even be real.
“too busy to just keep up” has me happily scratching my head. It feels like a paradox and if it is, then you’ve done a masterful job. If it’s a paradox, then IMO it is the centerpiece of the entire poem. The next line too is a kind of contradiction in terms. I usually think of “momentum” as in gaining or gathering, but in thinking it through I realize a person place of thing can lose momentum, but “stronger” implies a gain and that stronger gain is trying to slow things down.
Anyway, it made this reader ‘dig’ a little bit, and personally I think it was good.
Lines 7, 8 again puts opposites together effectively, and I’m glad you introduced the word “puzzle” because I can see with all the tug-of-war words and phrases you’ve used, you need to let the reader KNOW that is, after all, a puzzle.
Nearing the completion of the mosaic of life,
Time is exhausted and it must be put away in its container
And then Wrapped
Your ending is perfect in that it is beautifully described in the most poetic and IMO original terms. Thanks.
Poems from the poetic link 10/28/14