This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-03-06 23:51:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Alterations

Reading about children who  march to the  beat of a different drummer sparked thoughts  that we too are forging  toward individuality separate identities. With single souls like no other; nor heart  nor ears  which feel or ever hear  the same things. This world  meant  to be aligned in order by structured settings needs change and change again to fit solitary happy endings.

Copyright © March 2015 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
Probably the first whole poem I've written in quite a long time - Please help out and have a go at it to help me settle back in sync or something ....


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-03-21 09:17:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I can see where you are headed with this. However, I think you could loose some of the little extra words (the, a, that, etc) which are not needed and tighten this up a bit...MHO. Nice flow but thought pattern appears a bit scattered... I definitely can relate since I also haven't been writing much of late, my best to you always.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-03-14 13:26:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Beautiful in its simplicity. Has a wonderful Zen quality. I don't think double spaces are needed. The last stanza is a stand out.
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