This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-10-14 22:47:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Conscious Fantasy What are these days of unfulfilled purpose in repetitive motion?
“To not fill up the proverbial cup”
Lacking daydreams
reality yanks us up
by the back of our shirts
leisure leaves
and all for need
tied to tedious tasks
jobs, schedules and bills to keep.
Yet dreamers
wish to see swaying
trees casting mixed up shadows
on white picket fences
these illusions gratify
our creative souls.
Fill a glass with water
up to the rim
then imagine as it
pools up like waves
before we sip
a taste that remains
to clever inventors will never be plain.
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Copyright © October 2015 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Playing with words again -
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-11-04 13:09:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
I loved that reality and daydreams conflict, or merge, if you will. It is the reality of what life really is in this modern, and probably past lives.
Dreamers and illusions; the birthplace of the soul’s response, poetry and creation. Such a great feeling emits from S2.
Of imagination, and fresh water, and recall, and waves that overtake us, prior to the creation falling forth-
clever inventors indeed. Well done!
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2015-10-25 01:17:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
To suddenly realize that you are indeed one of the rodents scrambling about in the great "rat race" and that you are not only not winning, but nowhere near the front-runners, is quite a somber and sobering gaggle of thoughts. t We never think it will happen to us--we are somehow above it all. It makes one wonder, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" Those moments of quiet inner panic that there must be more to life than this. Remembrances of youth and the vigor it held--of dreams to be pursued--of personal promises and ambitions that slowly vanish as life trods on and you're left to look in the mirror and count the years gone by. Nice work!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-23 13:43:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
If there was ever a poem that explains poets this would be the one. Especially how we are in many ways blessed to see beauty even in a world that your first stanza suggest. So many fantastic pictures you have painted here.
My all time fav. being " trees casting mixed up shadows on white picket fences" WoW .
You and words make excellent playmates.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2015-10-15 21:33:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
The first two lines were all that were needed to be written though the rest was very delightful. I absolutely love wordplay, though your write engenders a much greater depth. Wonderful freedom, precious truth, beautiful poetry.
My best,
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2015-10-15 12:12:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
This is great--wonderful free verse... there isn't one thing I would
change. Your verbiage is descriptive and the form lends its-self easily
to where you want your reader to pause for that moment of thought just
before continuing on. No nits just kudos. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-10-15 01:07:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
Hi DeniMari: It's been a while since I was on the Link. Yeah, reality is known for grabbing our shirts and flipping us around a bit. I believe we daydream a lot more tho...than we take credit for. I enjoy daydreaming now that I am older. I like to just sit outside on the swing and think about the past and my husband who passed in 2008. Daydreams make you lonely tho.
Your poem is nice, well written and has clean imagery. I must be slightly dense today because your third
stanza just flew over my head like a large umbrella caught by the wind and taken up very high and far far away. I have now read it five or more times and I still cannot relate it to the rest, perhaps your quote: "To not fill up the proverbial cup."
So good to see you are still here and posting. I hope you are well and happy. God bless and keep you!
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