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This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-10-23 14:13:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Prey

I had always noticed how you watched me like a cat would notice a mouse How you wanted to seize me in the teeth of your emotions And with every bite I would become more yours I fought you because you needed the fight I could not want too easily when you so desire the hunt Only I can maintain the illusion

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2015-10-26 16:59:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe- I love the illusion- so quick to take root in the depth of desire and the heart. You’re surprise in writing it, makes the acquisition ever more a necessity, nevertheless. Really quick: S1L1 “I had always notice” should be “have”, if S3L4 “when you so desire the hunt” is desire rather than desired. “Teeth of your emotions” powerful, and reminded me of (“took the words right out of my mouth” Meatloaf) Frankly it is enticing knowing the hunt is still in full bloom. Lord knows in my life, that hunt is precisely as you describe it. However, I doubt that she sees it that way. BRAVO!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2015-10-24 23:42:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Joe: Certainly a tightly written piece. "Only I/can maintain/the illusion" Very thought provoking... written with grit and determination. I liked it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2015-10-24 05:17:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It sounds like you've got your hands full there Joe. This is an interesting piece. A past lover? A present one? Maybe even a family member? There's nothing sexual here though--but very personal emotions. Someone wanting to control you-possess you-toy with you-dominate you. I sense that this poem stirs deep feelings within you, and i wonder if you really put those feelings into this piece as you wanted to. Comparing this relationship to that of a cat and mouse, or predator and prey, suggests very descriptive actions and behaviors. I want to see and feel them through your words. I would like to see you play with words more--give more descriptive verses. In the first stanza, I would change the 2nd "notice" to a different word, something more expressive. In the 2nd stanza (I love the "teeth of your emotions") but have tell me how those teeth were used to "eat me inside of you". The last stanza is my favorite as it adds an element of mystery. Sometimes in poetry less is more, and sometimes more is too much. Finding that perfect balance helps turn words into prose. Nice job!

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