This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-06-18 11:18:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Hummingbird
I am a hummingbird to your
unprotected nectar
My wings beat in sweet sync
to the flowering of
your love
The warmth of paradise found
As perfect an embrace as is
sky and ground
I see you now
so completely new
as if I were a night flower
worshiping the moon |
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Copyright © June 2016 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2016-07-05 22:21:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I love this poem Joe. You have captured and pay homage to love like no other poet I know.
Very good descriptions with imagery; which stand out in your first verse especially unprotected nectar - and gently move through the second verse as well - the place - of which it is - nothing better than paradise on Earth - This really peaked my curiosity all the way through - the rebirth of love - and the beautiful ending to this poem -
On my list,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2016-06-23 21:48:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This poem has a number of features that are a delight to this reader. It reminds me a bit of the writings of Rumi, in which sensuality is engaged to convey spiritual yearning. I love the simplicity, and the remarkable use of sound throughout. "As if I were a night flower/worshiping the moon" is a thrilling image. Surely the contrast of night's darkness, with the luminosity of the moon pictures adoration in the heart of the lover. I have always felt that the way flowers move to the sun's angle gives an image of worship, as your night flowers do. Highly enjoyable!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2016-06-18 21:29:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe,
I have a serious weakness for romance, and a real (don’t think I’ve ever shared it here), fascination with hummingbirds. They make my moment better when gardening, and the sound of thier electric clicking, is an attraction that I cannot ignore.
So, you analogy of “sky and ground” is one of my favorites. It is both endless and cloying at the same time.
“Night flower worshipping the moon” what a stunning image that is. Following the “I see you now”, the rising of the moon at night is written into the moment, without ever saying it.
The phallus analogy with hummingbird and nectar sets the stage for worshipping the moon.
I think, throughout this piece the vassal position of man towards woman is very well put!
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