Nancy Ann Hemsworth's E-Mail Address: foxtail@nbnet.nb.ca

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Critique Date
Poof	Kenneth R. Patton	excellent!! short and strong in form. I am a lover of poetry that says what is necessary and leaves the reader to ponder..I really enjoyed "Poof", it makes me wonder, and that is "a good thing"..	2006-03-09 14:34:32
Me	Thomas H. Smihula	Spoken very strongly in very simple terms, this poem has much feeling, truths and weight. Although presented in a seemingly nieve way, with it's uncomplicated rhyme and metor it has layers to it and much substance. Like all of us, the bottom line is to be able to be who we are and realish in it. If we are not true to ourselves, we never really live in the way that was intended for us. I like how you summed this poem and your thoughts up in the last stanza..."Can you tell what I'm after, its to really be free, if this can't happen, then I'll never be Me." and I like the capitalization of the word "Me" giving it the importance that is needs.	2006-03-09 14:20:15
Cursed	Dellena Rovito	This is so very true of most of us isn't it? Fear the great factor in this I feel. Afraid of change, of taking that step of making that choice, and there we sit, and only dream our dreams, to afraid to life them or make that first step. I love the way you used the inline rhyming through your poem, made it read so fluidly. examples of this are "criticize, and am mesmerized"..."I hesitate and vacillate."...and again "away, yesterday". and with all this your poem or rhymes never seemed forced or a word used just to fit. Very intelligent writing here Dellena, I enjoyed this very much. Nancy	2005-06-05 18:35:27
Bigmouth	Mark Andrew Hislop	OH Mark I know that feeling so well, and have been the victum of it. Friendship indeed, abuse more like it in reality. This is so well said, you have described so elegently what this person is like and the effects they have on those around them, and alas at the end "now vanished are all tose you said you loved. Wonderfully written, I enjoyed your insight.	2005-06-04 16:52:25
Contentment	Audrey R Donegan	This is lovely Audrey, I am becoming quite a fan of yours. I love the dreamy style in which this is written." Time will forget this moment allowing its endless linger, deathless in my mind" this is contentment isn't it, when all the world stands still, the stuff that dreams are made of foreven in your mind, etched and perminent. Time may will forget, but as you say, you shall never. I like the way you re-used the first 4 lines to become your last 4, enveloped this write very effectively. Some of your word choices were wonderful."staring fish eyed and wide, entranced. " this was quite a vision to me, I could picture this perfectly. "over an abysmal yearning sea, desperately eager in the night." really liked your use of "abysmal" meaning unlimited ..the sea yearning unlimited for desperately, great personification there, very effective. "vibrating hemispheres, hovering bright." love the grouping of these words, wonderful sound when read. Can you tell I really enjoyed your poem? LOL..hope so. Nancy	2005-06-04 16:48:26
Golden Moment	Mark D. Kilburn	What a lovely read, such colourful images here. Great use of alliteration with your usage of the "f" sound within your first stanza. Your second stanza was the one that really hit me..what a wonderful thought and message here "We locked eyes both mesmerized until reality’s warmth chased us both to our day-" and so true isn't it? the birds on flight and you to resume your day. The vision this caused before my eyes was breathtaking "two sunset silhouettes in short pink minutes of the golden hour." just lovely and so original.	2005-06-04 08:07:55
For Ashley	Audrey R Donegan	Oh this reads so well because of your well placed words and rhyme scheme that sparadically pops in this piece. So much wonderful use of alliteration, and nothing feels forced. This poem sings and sings strongly. I liked the way you repeated the first stanza and brought attention back to your main intent. I also felt ending with a couplet very effective as well..singling it out to get importance to the ending and good closure to the piece. I thought each one of yours stanzas to be excellent, but this is the one that I really loved the feel of on my tongue when reading outloud. "Give flight to wings That whisper wanting For wonder’s haunting And the sky’s luring cries Beyond sound At heights unbound." beautiful use of the english language and I love how you have shown us your skills..well written, but you know already don't you? (0: I am going to keep this one in my collection of great writes. take care, have a great weekend, and keep on a penning..lol Nancy	2005-06-04 08:02:11
Gentle Touch	Claire H. Currier	I just loved the innocence and faith of this write Claire..and your repeative phrase "A gentle breeze touched my cheek I felt the breath of God" was so powerful, yet quiet and so gentle, just like God's love and touch in our daily lives. You would know my friend what it is like, and this poem is so real Claire. They say we write best about what we know, and that is what makes this poem good. Thanks for sharing this ..take care Nancy	2005-06-03 19:52:40
The Secret Love	Helen C DOWNEY	I enjoyed the fluid rhyme scheme in this poem and all the great images you have painted with your pen. I really liked the way you did the twist in the last stanza and brought this around, letting the reader that they were witnessing a dream, not the reality..and another day begins. Good read, thanks for sharing. Nancy	2005-06-03 19:37:47
Black Satin	Audrey R Donegan	This is so romantic a write but not cliche, and it is hard not to write cliche in this well used topic. I love the feelings and images that you portray in your lines. and your second stanza is my favorite "Breathtaking, Lying there in stifling strength And mute magnificence Content within your bones."especially your last line here. good use of alliteration as well in "stifling strength" and again in "mute magnificence". I like how you have used your title or reference to it in your last stanza drawing it in so well. "To lie here in black satin" Captivated by your silence, In speechless servitude Quietly Breathing your exhale. good "s" alliterations and your last line is wonderful. great job, loved it!	2005-06-03 19:18:19
Silly Me	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire..good job here! you say it like it is my friend. This is my favorite stanza in your poem, and so true indeed. "Took allot of nerve you know To let my feelings flow Then post for all to see On the link below" and I really liked the way you ended this in a "I told you so sort of way"..thanks for the read my friend..	2005-06-03 19:12:48
The Street	Latorial D. Faison	excellent flow in this poem, it reads as rap the music of the streets you speak about here in your lines of rhyme. You have outlined the feelings and the realities of the street and brothers. One can tell by reading this that you have the insite and experience to do justice to this plight. I enjoyed reading your words, and they painted a vivid picture for me. I liked you use of alliteration here in this line "drama and drugs on the double". and the double "ough" sounds here sound so smooth and unforced "cruising and smoozing" good write!	2005-06-03 19:08:35
Treasury of Bitter Herbs	Jana Buck Hanks	I enjoyed this so very much indeed..the image that it struck across my mind were so vivid, I could almost smell the mildue amongst them. I really liked your title and found it facinating and a perfect choice for your subject. "Treasury of Bitter Herbs"..so it is, these treasures from the past, bitter sometimes when taken in and digested into the mind. I just loved this "Ghostly sun-dust weeping trough window lights brighten paths set in lacy web wisp shadows" what an image it casts. You have written here of something we all can relate to, and that is the magic of this piece. I remember going through attics such as this, fingering through grandmas treasure from yester year, and going through my mind was what I envisioned her life to be, and also now that she is gone the reality of only these treasures are what is left of her and the memories. This will be all of us someday. This is such a sadly beautiful piece."Age rotted dreams span the future of departed ancestor"..and "Ice water freezes veins of the soul trying to recall" bring these feeling to the surface for me. You have chosen wonderful examples to bring your topic to life, and I have really enjoyed reading your words. thanks for posting this and bringing back a few memories ..some bitter sweet, back for me.	2005-06-03 10:45:53
Summoned By A Kiss	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	what a lovely way to "croak back in"...enjoyed this piece so much the metaphor of the frog works like magic and set a lovely and fairytalish atmosphere to this little piece. Really enjoyed this. Nancy	2005-06-03 07:28:05
Around the Block	Mell W. Morris	I really enjoyed reading this Mel. Very well stated..and I especially enjoyed your last stanza in wrapping this piece up. "Poets' hands find pens and our lives return to a degree of normalcy from that which we learned. Namely, if muses mutiny or a curtain falls mid-rhyme, all we need do is bide our time as we exist for poetry..." so true. I think we all feel what you have felt and mentioned in this poem, writers block, the self-doubt, the need to get out our feeling in so form of poetry. The written word so important and powerful if placed well. Oh and the need for knowledge, indeed. In your last stanza I thought the use of in-line rhyme worked well to bring this together."mid-rhyme, all we need do is bide our time " as well as the constant usage of the "m" sound within these lines. great job, always enjoy your thoughts and writing. have a great weekend. nancy	2005-06-03 07:25:19
Wet Ink	Debbie Spicer	Wow! this is wonderful in so many ways my friend. It reads so innocently which I am sure you have intended, knowing your skill with the "INK" that spills. I love the images and the little scenes that you have written leading up to your twist in the middle of your poem. This gives the reader a start! and we want to keep on reading to wonder "Lost long ago was a little girl Can she be found in the water’s swirl?" and can she my friend? I truly hope so! I love your closing on this, one of hope and positivity as well ..."Suddenly a splash sprays over my words Wet ink smears making it difficult to read. Life with known mysteries continues on As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone. The water a metaphor for the passing of memory, perhaps the healing making the memories harder to remember the pain numbed,and then when it all dries, or finally is put to rest, dealt with, the pain will be gone, and life continues on and the process continues to heal the spirit of that adorable innocent little child. Nice to read your words, and know I you are in my heart my friend. ((hugs)) Nancy	2005-06-02 11:12:23
Blood Run's Cold	Claire H. Currier	OH my goodness Claire, this cries of such depression and solitude. Don't know if this is present feelings for you are even your own plight, but it is well set on paper to give the reader an insite on quite dark thoughts as dark and deep into the woods as the bears where you turn and not go...thank goodness!! (smile). "Knowing the bears live deeper in I tend to turn the other way" and here is where I really feel the loneliness " I often think of what it would be like To be free as a bird Yet here I am Alone with my tortured mind" That last verse, where you state you just want to sit back and watch your blood run??? what is it that you feel? do you need to see the blood flowing to know you are alive? Very powerful piece thought written quite quietly in style.	2005-05-26 10:57:12
Letter to My Friend	Claire H. Currier	Oh Claire this is such a lovely letter comparing the 2 treaures , both priceless indeed...also a good look into how life unfolds before us. I do not believe that there are any accidents, I believe that everything is life happens for a reason and was meant to be..the people, the situations etc., are all layed before us by God to teach us something and let our spirit grow in knowledge etc. It was nice to read your words again, simply put, but quite profound at the same time..just like life itself, don't you think? ((hugs))	2005-05-26 10:47:58
Hybrid Haiku	Joanne M Uppendahl	This is lovely Joanne, and I love the direction you have taken off of "Nothing Gold Can Stay". This little picture just burst off the page in "flames scattered". What a lovely way to mention there beautiful colouring. One can just picture the colour dotten among the green of the grasses. Loved this little piece of poetry..and you know that I love the haiku!! and you have written a simply perfect one!	2005-05-26 10:43:31
C'mon	Kenneth R. Patton	"He’s there each time I turn My reflection in the office window" I know this feeling and have done this many times before, stood or sat and stared at the"me" staring back into my eyes, and sometimes I find it hard to accept the vision that I see. " Today he looks lost and hunched over Old and exhausted " this is a great metaphor on life itself, struggles, aging, bent from life's strain of the day to day things that weigh us all down, but then you present this last image in your poem, that of the inner chile beconing to come out."But look closer No, closer There he is, the boy" and this made me smile! for I am glad that "the boy" is there for you and that youth remain in your heart like it does in mine. This was a short and powerful little piece, very insightful, and made this reader and all its readers stop and take notice..perhaps the next time we will really take a good look in that glass and who is looking back at us. thanks for sharing!	2005-04-21 06:14:02
Hanging Tree	John Dean	This has a folksong feeling to me, and I enjoyed the meter very much. When read it simply flows along as a good lyrical should. Very vivid images throughout, especially when speaking of the hanging itself. You have created great and strong atmosphere within your lines, longing, wrong doing, injustice, love and such sorry. The way your piece with building suspense captures the reader to the end. I really enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing your talent!	2005-04-20 09:53:02
The Shepard	marilyn terwilleger	I could vision this world of the Shepard that you have so skillfully layed on paper. Beautiful and strong images appear throughout, this is soothing to read, and good for the soul. I love your use of inline rhyme," on a verdant knoll and waits for flush of light when his sheep awake from night. " and this line in particular just simply sings " when sky is crimson and sunrise likens lemon rind," Yyour choice of the word "bewildered" is excellent in this line "bewilders big cats and wolves". This whole paragraph is a metaphore on life, and one that we all can relate to "He feeds his sheep, patrols the fold, bewilders big cats and wolves, and ponders death. Who will tend his sheep? Will little lambs still play and leap?" I am so glad that I found this piece in my list to critique..thanks for sharing! nancy	2005-04-20 09:44:14
Fog Removal	Helen C DOWNEY	I enjoyed your poem very much, very strong and vivid images throughout the piece. You use of metaphor is wonderfully applied and brings everything to life within your lines. It is true that all notices when things are wrong but when one tries to heal and goes along lifes paths one seems to go alone spiritually at least. I rreally enjoyed how you showed this progression ending in the re-birth and new beginnings in your last stanza. thanks for sharing your talents. nancy	2005-04-20 09:37:05
Larkspur and Lilacs	Mell W. Morris	Oh Mel I just love this little short story done so well in this poetic form. I just have to point out this line that I feel is so well crafted " stars whose brittle songs scare small animals" what a beautiful and excellent use of alliteration!! and oh so easily I find I can walk on your words down that street, see that little church "complete with an aging, petulant, Hilda". This is such an appealing human story of everyday life that one has to smile in familiarity, and keep on reading. I work in the schools here in New Brunswick and can relate so well to all of this, the frustration of students, the caos etc of putting something like a musical together, and what energy it creates. This is one of my favorite parts, so vivid in image and I love the comparison of the bouquet to the appointing to knight hood..for these ladies are the heroes truly for their undying dedication and bravery! (smile) "for Hilda, a bouquet of larkspur and lilacs. She bowed her head and I imagined the tip of the sword on her shoulder" I can also imagine the feeling going through her head at this time of pride of accomplishment and recognization for her hard work, and also this passage tells more of the emotional here at her retirement party. So much emotion, sadness yet just a little bit of the devil in the choice of song dedication..perfect balance . "The next year I attended a party given for Hilda's retirement and we sang "It Ain't Necessarily So" followed by "You Are Not Anything But A Hound Dog" and when I glanced at the ancient teacher, her lips twitched as her former students sang their souls" It is such a semi-climax and the ending of a era, and then you really tug at the heartstrings of this reader when you end this excellent piece with the natural process of life "death", but you do it so beautifully and merge it so well with the first of your piece using the night sky stars again as jewelry and the voice of her life.." Tonight the same stars look down and their songs seem softer, benign, and one thing of which I'm certain... grammatically correct." I just love your last line that really punches who she really was the "Hilda", A TEACHER in all respects. Thanks so much Mel for submitting this , it touched me deeply and made my soul smile and my heart sing a refrain of "It Ain't Necessarily So" (0:	2005-04-10 09:55:18
Judging By the Cover	Mell W. Morris	This is so so true Mell...the poet, free spirit! society would have us all in its uniform of conformity..I applaud the differ. It takes being true to yourself and courage to make your statement and you are so right, "Clothes make the man some say but for me it's all about the sound they bring" it is all about this for every man! it is just that we and I am not putting me in the GREAT POET catagory..lol..but we get the chance to jot it down and bear our souls (bare) being the grand word here!(smile)to the world or whom ever chooses to open their ears. Love the last of this poem as well.."But oh, how they sing!" wonderful way to finish your thoughts is such a rejoiceful way!! I loved all the information within this poem, I really enjoy it when I learn something new and this was great!! oh yes, and I so agree with William Blake , not that I dare the nudity..lol..in the garden at least!! (0', but one should run with ones inner child..too bad about the oven mitts eh!! we all make choices! thanks so much Mel for this , I agree whole heartedly!! ......Nancy	2005-04-03 09:24:43
Yearning	Gene Dixon	Your words make such a beautiful song...lovely to read, so classical in feel..and the images are gorgeous.. you first line, I think I have found a typo.."Sad Night, comes now the time for "your" (you) to leave. You have probably already been made aware of this, but I thought I had better mention it as well, just in case. you poem has a lovely feminine feel.so light and lovely "Fair Dawn stands nigh with sunlight on her sleeve To grace with gold whatever she anoints." and probably this is one of the reasons why from this line..what a great image here...your poem appeals to more that one of the senses "The blinded eye will seek the saving light. The shadowed ear will yearn for morning's song." I can imagine the songbirds chirping..and the sun rising over the hill..this is so lovely..and then like any good written sonnet.you shift atmosphere and bring this around to a profound conclusion within these lines "Within the span of life should be a goal And satisfaction sought for aching thirst. Yet pause - each bridge you cross will have a toll. In God's great eye, the last is often first. While contemplating slaking your desire, It's best to stand a distance from the fire." I just loved this, such a joy it was when I open it this morning..thanks!	2005-04-02 09:01:15
Daddy	Audrey R Donegan	OH my God!! This is such a raw and powerful poem! so real and the emotions spit out on the page! I do not know really what to say, I know that my stomach knotted as I read, because of the content and the agony of the piece. So honest and genuine, raw emotion and feeling. LOVE..oh yes, means so many different things doesn't it!! I do not know to the extent that you do about these feeling but I was molested at the age of 5 but not repeatively..and know only the scares of my experience. Devestating to the soul of a child..breaks the spirit and the heart and I became so empty."How crushing the plunge, your weight collapsing my kindergarten bones. Your number one girl six at best learned love comes with a price attached to a cock. " This is straight language, the anger and hurt screaming from it and from the rest of your poem. You have created such vivid horrific images..of pain, hurt, submission, ..but I do not read "guilt" and this makes me happy...I wore the guilt for years in my heart long after my head knew better...it is is here in these lines of yours it is well discuised with anger etc..I hope it is just not here! You use of questions add much strength to this..and gives the atmosphere more intensity.."was it good for you"..oh my God!! "Now at twenty-three with eyes the age of time herself I am beginning to remember: you are double fudge chocolate cake and I am diabetic." This is such a good comparison of the danger and the addiction that comes with this type of experience..so much mixed messages, feelings, ...I hope this made some sense to you for I am writing from emotion myself here!! you have brought these to the surface, and I have meet one more surviver not victum! thank you for sharing this ...you have so much courage and strength!	2005-04-02 08:38:26
Rain	marilyn terwilleger	Oh I just love this little well constructed write..American Haiku I think..for it doesn't fit the original haiku structure of 5,7,5...this one counts at 6,7,5...and I know that the form isn't as strict..not sure if this is what you have intended, but if not.."soft" would have been a choice you could have made for the first line to make it a beat of 5. "Soft April rains fall"..I love your use of soft "s" sounds in your alliterations in this little beauty. and the use of annonance in your first line with the "a" constant."April rains fall" very nice indeed. "Drops of life for earth" is so true and a wonderful way to end this little piece of poetry..I love short structured poetry forms..and do a lot of haiku, tanka, etc writes myself. Thanks for sharing this little spring write ..I enjoyed it very much...Nancy	2005-03-31 19:47:11
Why and Far	hello haveaniceday	This piece of writing is so beautifully rhymed, it sings when read, and when I came to your last line I thought "how approperiate a meter" "How our hearts strain to sing the blues"..you have written the feeling down so well..the underlying coldness, indifference "The cold wind fills my breath to blow A whispered name upon the snow", as all the foundations that you know are now being shifted "A press of thoughts my meal today A gallant hound to show the way Like dreams of dreams the layers drift I stare so hard foundations shift"..I know that feeling of being so filled with thought that is is like a meal for the mind..no room for anything else at all, just obsession..and this "Is this loose thread an end to snip Or would my world from yours unzip" what a wonderful image you have created to express the feeling here as well..and I love the way you have written "The focus soft and wide the frame I call you call my name your name" to me this represents the two trying to focus, hang on to..The question in the concluding verse gives a very strong ending to this write, leaving the reader to ponder. "Tell me why and far we seem When others read another dream Of drifting lives and somber hues How our hearts strain to sing the blues" good question indeed. Life and relationships are not easy, that is for sure. Enjoyed this very much, thanks for sharing! Nancy	2005-03-29 18:38:48
This Fast Window	hello haveaniceday	Your poem for some reason brought back all kinds of childhood memories for me..I remember sitting in the park at dusk and looking over at the houses on the next street , the windows lit and tv on..also on the bus watching through the window as people and the world passing by so quickly..and wondering, is this real or a dream, what are these pictures about and how is their reality..not necessarily in the specific way, but with the child eye. always a dreamer , thinker and observer. The neighborhood, "Rooftop chairs Frozen clotheslines Gritty sidewalk stares" all brings back my early life, and thoughts..you have done this for me, and I thank you very much, haven't thought about this for sometime now. But now life itself is going by so quickly for me!! I love your last stanza. seeing someones life, the view obscure at times, in time frames of memories perhaps "receding snapshots of a gray life", and then your last line "I could so easily be you", seems to breathe a sigh of relief when read.I enjoyed your poem very much, and decided to just give you a glimpse of what you have given me in the reading of your words..take care, and thanks for sharing!	2005-03-27 21:14:35
Alignment Cues	Latorial D. Faison	To me this poem spreaks of being numb!! frigid and suspended emotionally from "a silence so noisy" that the joys of life, such as "the best sex a woman ever had" is not conceivable , or "the places she could go". Because of the constraints of this world and the stresses etc. of life, the inner child has been silenced, as if punished for being a dreamer, a lover of life, a free spirit, to dare to take the soul and body to places of pleasure and wonderment, etc. I have been there.."when somedays I am not afraid to die", and that is a scarey place to be. I really enjoyed your short powerpacked poem, the best kind as far as I am personally concerned. It takes the reader right there to feel the emptyness that you describe, and I don't know anyone who hasn't at least visited that place once in their lives. Thanks for sharing this.	2005-03-24 06:41:01
PROMISES	Edwin John Krizek	I truly love your style, in this one and the last one of yours that I critiqued just a little while ago. I really like the way you use the phrase "Promise me this..." repeatively to bring your ideas to view throughout the poem. Especially like this part "Promise me this… Happiness floats like sea gulls in the ocean air. You can fly in your dreams." I fly in my dreams often. In this you wish for the promise for all things wonderful, and "she" is what will make it so..thus the last 2 "If night comes without here it promises only darkness"..I think that is such a powerful way to end this poem, abruptly and final "the nightmare" if she does not come.	2005-03-23 22:40:52
Whirlwinds and Tornados	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, have I ever enjoyed your poem..your use of the wind to characterize you emotions and your descriptives are really clear and jump off the page. From whirlwinds to tornadoes they fly, but no inbetween!! This is quite a description of your emotions and how they seem to take over you without control as you fully explain in "Unfortunately for me The window is either open or closed The door locked or off its hinges I have no screen or storm cellar" this is an excellent description of how that must seem , and then your last 2 lines sum this up so well..in an surrendering tone.."I just take my chances Still, it beats the alternative"..I like the way you have written this in everyday clear language, very powerful little piece of writing..thanks for sharing! Nancy	2005-03-22 16:36:41
HOPE	Edwin John Krizek	I find that some much is said in this simple language poem. Packed full of emotion and I love the start of this..such a vivid image "Happy to see the sun again, I dance in the morning air screaming out that life is good." This is so simple but complex if that makes any sense at all.. I love the layering you have put in this poem. The internal struggle to stay with the promises and hopes and not surcum to the call of depression and the negativity that is always there just lurking "My anger is directed at the wraiths who find only sorrow in the world. Despair’s seductive song calls to me." and then because of the beautiful voice you and "Her promise sends me running headlong into the day. I really enjoyed this piece ..short and well stated , not over done, just there! wonderful! thanks for sharing this with me this morning.	2005-03-17 06:32:26
Especially in spring	Joanne M Uppendahl	What a absolutely wonderful way to start my day..with such a breath of fresh spring air, and oh yes!! Love , much love from our creater. I love the questioning way you have written this thought provoking little poem. I love short works that have punch and this one has such a soft but powerful one. Very female in effect, I don't kown why I say that but this is one of the feelings I get from your words..and that is a compliment , ahhh, just realized why..(Mother Earth) there, humm, thank goodness I thought if that, would have bugged me all day..(0: I really like your use of short stanzas to itemize your points in the piece."swift’s trill and chickadee’s whistle" love the sound of this phrase, just hisses off the tongue! This appeals so much to the senses and the rejoicing of coming Spring and the wonders of our Earth. One can feel, smell and hear and see so clearly your ideas and it is such a lovely little scene. We have snow still! uck! and this is a treat! take care Joanne, ...Nancy	2005-03-15 06:37:28
My Old Friend	Kenneth R. Patton	What a powerful descriptive poem about depression, a companion that no ones invites willingly but comes to call at our most vunerable hour. I love the way you added voice to disease with your three separation lines between your stanzas , and that you have capitalized them, so they shout LOUDly..where you take on the feelings and show the reader how it makes you feel in response to the cutting lines "You're a FRAUD!","YOU CAN'T FOOL ME!", and "YOU'RE NOTHING!"..your last singular line, is so stark and final.." God, he's right" I can feel the total surrender and acceptance in your voice...he has won this battle , but not the war. I have spouts of anxiety and this is exactly how this feels..you have described this feeling so well, exactly how it appears to be.."He's been lurking waiting for a trigger for just the right moment An evil specter unleashed "an evil specter" Excellency description, so BLACK and much to LOUD. Oh and what a visual you have painted here..such a powerful image indeed. "God, it's unbearable! Too much Too LOUD I'm sucked down enveloped I can do nothing save curl in a ball Grabbing my head Clutching my stomach Gasping Panting" I know exactly how this feels..You have done an excellent job on writing on your subject, they say we do our best writing based on what we know and understand..and you have done an exceptional job of this. Thanks for sharing this experience with us.	2005-03-14 17:17:28
Your Pain In My Heart	Lennard J. McIntosh	This is such a powerful image you have written in your first stanza "It is from birth that pain is born as if foreboding life; to draw each new-born headlong as murky flashes dash by time." I could actually picture the sceen and get a feeling of the pain, I think it is the word "foreboding" that struck me so. I found the idea of "from birth that pain in born" instead of from pain is birth. excellent phrase, very striking. Your second stanza dealing with the thought that you just want to take on the pain because it is all consuming..that is how I took this in meaning.?? and then the last and closing stanza, where you state that you realize that you can only empathize in reality but still you feel " Still, deep inside the marrow buried in my bones, I achieved your pain as giving birth in total immersion in me." in your soul you do feel the pain and connection deep within your bones. I enjoyed the contense of your poem and your ideas but have a suggestion. I feel that perhaps if it was written in more of a constant meter beat it perhaps would flow more smoothly. Perhaps it is just a personal preference of mine, but thought I would mention it to you. Thanks again for sharing, I felt as if I have experienced a little bit of a very important part of your life experience.	2005-03-14 06:42:09
Duel for a Paper Dollar	Lynda G Smith	You have written such a very strong atmosphere into this poem..reminds me of medieval times, with the sword and the dagger, your wording of course and the font that you chose for this all give that feel to your very clever write, about the plight of modern man and times. Such a social statement you have made here. "The almighty dollar" and what we give up morally, etc to win the "Paper Kiss"...and how it rules the world and the people who do not see the true values to our exhistence. Always the struggle, the battle "The whisperings of things to come, a finite tale to tell, how some soul’s shake their wrappings, and some take veil too well." I really like the way you have finished this piece, for it summs your ideas and insight so well, all in this 4 line stanza. Thought your choice of rhyme scheme suited this very well, almost in a sing song sort of rythm that gave it a undertone that reminded me of a haunting children's skipping song, which made me think of the lost innocence . Great use of alleritation..one of the examples "For once, no fee for vice." Really enjoyed your words, thanks for sharing.	2005-03-14 05:57:47
Pepe LePew	Kenneth R. Patton	This is so refreshing a read..I love the comparison you have made here to "the skunk" the romantic one, and oh how I do love Pepe LePew!! but remember my friend, he never did seem to get the cat, imagine that! with all his charm, he still stank!!..and who you would be if only!! you could get the words out and not be such a stinker..lol..sorry couldn't help myself..this poem made me smile, and it is one that we all can relate to one time or other in our lives for sure. I love your last stanza..it is just perfect "Do something! You fool! He shouts If you could only DANCE!" great read, thanks for sharing your sense of humour with us, and a little insight as well.	2005-03-13 18:23:51
On the Banks of Sweet Marie	Sean Donaghy	This is such a beautifully lyrical poem,(an Irish ditty) it sings so sweetly where read outloud, and that is a habit of mine! (0: I think that the repeated refrain especially adds to the effect. I love the effect of your first 4 lines in the first stanza, all rhyming so soft and smooth. Such beautiful descriptive passages as well, one can see exactly what you write about. "where the purple violet grows, where the magic of the morning dew bejewels the budding rose," I love the feel of movement and human characteristics you have put in your piece.."where the moon and stars wait patiently" is only one example. enjoyed this very much indeed! thanks for sharing this tranquil and a great piece for this time of the year as well "Happy St. Patrick's Day".	2005-03-12 13:19:37
The Sea and Me	marilyn terwilleger	This is lovely to read, it rolls like the waves you so skillfully write about. Excellent use of alliteration throughout your piece ex'Fasinated by her ferocious fury..and the constand soft "s" sounds that spin through your lines adds to the soft and smoothing effect. This line I especially loved..it just rolls on the tongue when read outloud.."Terns would play in tumbling waves" you show much skill in construction your lines and your word choices. This is full of atmosphere and fresh salt sea air! (0:. Great poem, I really enjoyed it, and thought that your last little stanza works so well..again with the "s" sounds prominate.." There would only be my sails, the swells, the sea and me. makes a great finality to the poem and your thoughts. I could hear the sign in the poets voice..one of contentment.	2005-03-12 10:43:41
Your Mouth is Mine	hello haveaniceday	"Surely, softly, sweetly" lovely alliteration here and great way to start this softly sensual poem, that reminds me of a soft sweet long kiss. It is the word choices that you have made, lots of "s" sounds throughout add to this effect. Great use of alliteration throughout this write.."Touch the tips of tiny twigs" and again here with consonance intwined "And swallow, swift this sweltering line" I don't know if I am catching your meaning exactly or not but I think that you are speaking of control here as well.."Open wide my hydra smile And sneer in meek decree Let me hold the reins of sound Your breath is all I need"."That glad and happy mess Of hard cored words to crunch" I really enjoyed your words..great write! thanks for sharing... Nancy Russell	2005-03-11 10:20:28
Remaining Superior	Mell W. Morris	very visual write, and full of atmosphere. I could picture " the roll of green interior." very originally put! also "sun sets, a play of light and shadow steals my breath." great use of alliteration in the soft "s" sounds.,and the reader does inhale on the reading of this line... and then the atmosphere of your piece thickens like the fog you encountered, and I love the trip into your imagination down to the depths"where I would eterne with an old wrecked ship and mermaids for companions." wonderful image! and I really think the verse from "The Wresk of the Edmund Fitzgerald" was a wonderful way to finish this poem, gave it another depth of atmosphere and a familiarity to many who will read this. enjoyed your poem and the view that came with it, very much indeed.	2005-03-09 18:43:37
BUGS AND GIVERS	Mark D. Kilburn	Wow..this is such a power packed piece of writing, and a great and insightful summary of the state of our society today..everything has a price, freedom, health, happiness (which never seems to be obtained) and even death has its taxes. You have written this piece with in a meter that when read is like a haunting skipping song..morbid and constant we sing along, your message chanting away of death and dismay. There is so much in this piece that I feel are outstanding..I will pick a few out to you if you don't mind.."A blissful ostrich in the sand not knowing what’s ahead Does not seeing the killer’s face make you a little less dead?" and also this passage stuck out for me "Riding bare back feels so good releasing all that worry Flooded floors of toxic sperm death’s in a morbid hurry" both very powerful images! and also in closing I felt your repeating first stanza at the conclusion of your piece very effective indeed to start and also finish this taunting song, for that is exactly how I see this. Thanks for sharing your insite, and bringing some of todays world fears and facts to the surface "There is a way for flying now but payment will come later Gargoyles and diseases wait as the cost is growing greater"	2005-03-09 09:05:54
For Heroes Who Now Lie Asleep	Sean Donaghy	I enjoyed your poem very much. I found that the first 4 stanzas were so spiritually positive and full of love and even hope for the re-union of her lover within their souls, (romantisized) and then it twists into a more negative appoach (realistic)and talks of the madness of it all and the irony. Very powerful piece on both levels. I especially thought the last stanza was powerful and very effective indeed.	2005-03-08 19:37:29
A Captive Bird	marilyn terwilleger	So beautifully penned, and I can feel the yearning and soft urgency in this write...love the comparison, so fitting to your subject.Your poem reads very fluently and light, and I love the rhyming couplets that you have chosen to use, they are very effective and make the beat of the piece resemble the heartbeat of that frightened captive bird. I also like the repeative "l" sounds throughout, and this also seems to lift the piece. thanks so much for sharing this.	2005-03-08 19:21:58
Monastic Surrender	Paul R Lindenmeyer	I could feel through your words your spritual experience through this journey. So many think that this would be a negative experience of self, but instead very much the differ I would imagine. Powerful experience, described here with powerful words. Thanks for sharing this.	2005-03-08 09:57:34
Damn	John Dean	I really like the flow of your piece, and the strength of atmosphere. I would imagine all who write would relate to your words and ideas within. The placement of the continous word "DAMN" at the beginning of your stanzas adds much strength and demands attention to each of your seperate thoughts and in the end the summary of them. I like the title "damn", I have been critized for doing that, including the title or having the title the same as wordage in the poem, but I think it is very effective. You have powerful images in this write, ex: "Blank paper lies like ghostly skin This pen a knife that hovers still", though your word choices and descriptives I can see you there in that chair very clearly indeed and feel the anguish. Excellent piece of writing, thanks for sharing your insite...	2005-03-08 09:01:09
verse 69 (Thunder)	Erzahl Leo M. Espino	I love haiku poetry and this is a lovely example of such. I love the image that you caught in your words. It appeals to the eyes and the ears. I also love the rhyme of the first and second lines, and the constant usage of the hard "d" sound through out..very approperiate for your subject and inhanses the effect of your poem..I enjoyed reading this very much. thanks for sharing! Nancy Russell	2005-03-05 20:31:44
An Immodest Request	Rick Barnes	I really enjoyed the flow and feel of this seductive piece. Your use of "S" sounds adds to the sexy and soft feel of the poem "Loose your soft secluded laces That bind your last restrain." wonderful line! and the soft sounds continue thoughout. Your last line where you state "your" surrender is superb! (couldn't help myself! lol) This was very erotic and tastefully done, and a joy to read.	2003-08-14 22:07:03
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