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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Critique Date
In Search Of The God Particle	Drenda D. Cooper	Hi Drenda, “In Search Of The God Particle” --- Its nice to hear from you again Drenda! For me, your entry for the month of October is one of the interesting subjects that I have ever read. From the title alone, the intriguing and interesting character of it already exudes. “"Physicists are praying that their 4-mile-long machine will detect a tiny bit of matter so elusive that some consider it practically divine."...excerpt from Popular Science Magazine, Nov., 200l.” --- Physicists are usually projected as atheist and to say the least that they are “praying” and to consider “discovery” as divine is a bit sarcastic especially when the purpose is just to prove something. Yes, probably they practically needed it to back the cost spend to this 4-mile-long machine. “Physicists' minds flex and spew Complex theories of flux. From realms of the unseen Highly imaginative possibilities Step up to mathematical probabilities Into incomprehensible equations, akin To mystical, for those who think Inside the box of three-dimensional.” --- Very theoretical, very scientific, very technical. I like how it derived from mere urge, intelligence and interests to uncontrolled curiosity, to a lifetime proving, to something “mystical”. Every ingredient for this inner drive and wild passion is clearly defined. --- I like the rhyming of “flex”, “complex”, “flux” and “possibilities”, “probabilities” and “mathematical”, “mystical”, dimensional”. “Giant accelerators smash particles Into waves, as great minds hover over Hoping to uncover miniscule articles Of their faith. A few, highly esteemed, Have deemed the most fundamental to be 'Higgs boson,' the ultimate source; Designated by some to be 'divine', The reason that matter has weight.” --- I like how the nitty-gritty of this meticulous research is highly detailed. I find the inclusion of “Higgs boson” appropriate…as part of the topic “accelerators”, “particles” and “matter”. --- I like the rhyming of “accelerators”, “hover”, “over”, “uncover” and “esteemed”, “deemed” and “boson”, “some” and “reason”. “Unready, yet, to let go of the past, Skeptics hold their breath and wait. Unable to embrace new paradigms That include non-matter, they need pictures; Concrete proof of bizarre conjectures. For fellow scientists the need arises From competition for the Nobel prizes. So stretches this search into the sublime.” --- Here you left such strong words…like the very true “unable to embrace new paradigms that include non-matter”. Here, I can feel the spiritual truth encircled within this line. I find “they need picture (as concrete proof)” very much scientific. It only shows that not all in this world are scientific but also spiritual – which is hard to prove physically…but only with faith. Your inclusion of the “competition for the Nobel prizes” is a bit funny but again, very true…a sad truth. “To the brilliant few who remain on course The 'Higgs' will become defined, confined; No longer devine (divine), just the smallest thus far To take its place in proper perspective, Reflective in the continuum of space-time. For physicists, once more, will push the envelope; Bend thought into understanding; destined to grope For the core of that which has no beginning, no end.” --- Great ending! Your strong word “destined to grope” concludes that this “ultimate” quest could only turn to vain…and thus you rest your case. If they searched on the Bible for the truth, with open mind and faith, they might able to discover “God’s particle”. Kudos on your mind-boggling and profound work Drenda! Very interesting! This is really something that we can reflect on. It’s good that you are into this “readings” and was able to see beyond the information and instead, the wonderment of God’s awesome power and presence still lingers in your faith. Truly, your faith radiates within the lines. For me, that is inspirational! Thank you for posting this to TPL for us to contemplate! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-25 04:55:23
For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This” --- Another display of creative and interesting title! For me, this alone is already poetry! Your choice of words is perfect and lyrical! Very soothing to the ears! “It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe.” --- You are very good in this Rick…very good in “passionate poems” that is full of feelings. I believe this comes and flows from your heart. These are like a series of your “love” poems. Giving us something to anticipate for…and you just shared it like free pizza! --- Again, you add melody to your poems by such delicate words like “violins”, “aroma”, “myths” and “breaths”. --- I like the lines “Fill our lungs in passionate breaths, we have no choice but to breathe”. It is very much your style…with such intensity…fiery with words. I’m breathless! “Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts.” --- Just splendid! These are simple words but when you tried to put them all together, it brings a different sensation, lifting readers in a higher level! “The genius of our two hearts” - very original! “Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire.” --- Such sweet invocations! Chanting our ears and thoughts with delicacies. “That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source.” --- Hypnotizing! Intoxicating! --- “First four lips created a kiss” – so haiku-like…enjoyed much! --- Great words and phrases to end your fine piece here! The continuous begging and pleading to remain that “burning fire” of passion and love is so evident and strongly defined. You have presented your intentions and objective with elegance! Readers can easily feel that hopeful urge and wistful regret if ever. And to bring back to the main subject and title “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This”…this is very much true! Something worth to think about! This is very inspiring! Kudos on your wonderful work here Rick! Another stellar performance! No one can’t deny the plethora of talent and “true feelings” that you manifest in all your work…here you just demonstrate your consistency of such high standard. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Two thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-25 04:54:37
Forever Daddy	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, The first time I read this poem, I would like to inform you immediately how beautiful and inspiring this is…something I will never forget! I like the way you write your “free-verse” poems…it flows flawlessly with your pen. Readers can easily feel the heartbeat of your words. You make it so casual and easy yet to us, your audience…I find this very skillfully written and with great character and charisma. Well, your words and approach works well with me! “Forever Daddy” --- Great title! One can feel the child-like and innocent side of you! “One, two, three, four, five,... I tried counting the stars above But they clustered in zillion "Daddy, their number I couldn't reckon!" Like the untiring efforts you exert for me I become a man of principle and discipline.” --- And that child-like character strongly supports your introductory line…its like a “Ten Little Indians” counting! I like your number “zillion” instead of the usual “hundred”, “thousand” and “million”. With words and phrases like “become a man”, “principle” and “discipline”…I could instantly detect the depths of your message here. “I was once equipped with a sonar, I tried determining the Pacific's depth But it's unfathomable, "Daddy, its bottom is beyond measure!" Like the paternal love you bestow on me.” --- Your craze in astronomy radiates within these lines. I like how you associate its ongoing mystery just like a “father’s love”…so eternal! “I was once a capricious dreamer, I yearned I can fly Like a bird gliding from afar While zephyr's blown across the azure sky. Ah, yes, I did soar! You gave me wings Your wisdom levitates me into a lofty seat of understanding.” --- Wow, such luscious profundity! You are good in this! Plus, the images are even vibrant! You are like an eagle in the broad sky soaring all those dreams…strongly influenced by the blow of your father’s wind…which is “wisdom”…the “wisdom of life”. --- I enjoy the use of “capricious” for the dreamer. I also like the use of “zephyr” and “azure” within that same line. The “z” is effectively contagious! “I was once a merchant, searching for fine pearls Risking my life to unknown places like a vagabond, And at last, I've found the place where fine pearls are treasured In your heart, dignity and heroism of an ideal father reside in quintessence.” --- Wow, another exquisite “treasure” of words. You never fail to shower us with your gems. “Searching for pearls” is a wonderful thought…but realizing where to find this “treasured” pearls in the heart of a “father” is something more than big! This is one of the clever and sweetest metaphor or allegory I have ever read! Your words are always fresh and new! The use of “quintessence” is elegant! You have end this stanza with such style! “My childhood flashes back When we were flying a kite In the verdant fraught with delight. "My child, hold the string tightly so it won't get lost out of sight!" You uttered in bravery. And you know, Dad?” The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string.” --- Again, you brought the nostalgic feel between a father and a son through the subject “Kite”. For me the most powerful lines in the entire poem are the lines “The kite is still flying! Your nobility and greatness hold its string”. --- What a legacy you have there! “Now, I grew up With virtue you molded, my armor I learned to take up the gauntlet, I delve into the world Prepared as a militant soldier in a battle With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” --- Wow, again! To associate the paternal love to the different armors is unique and smart! The use of words like “virtue”, “armor”, “gauntlet”, “militant soldier”, “battle” and “helmet” are excitingly inter-related. But what I like most is the last line “With wisdom you imparted, my helmet.” - with this, you left me hanging in awe! “Now, let me tell you, Daddy I may be ignorant of the world around me Yet one thing I'm sure I know You do love me and I love you, too Forever long.” --- Wow, another unforgettable and poetic phrases! I enjoy every depth of your words here! And to end this obvious and felt love with an ending phrase “Forever long” is just perfect! You complete it all! Kudos on your masterpiece here Jordan! Another stellar performance! Thanks for posting this wonderful piece for us to reflect and enjoy! For me, this is top-notch! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. In regards with your English translation for the word “mag-ina”, I don’t know the translation of it in English. The only thing that comes to my mind is “mother and child”. :)	2003-10-25 04:53:35
Cycles (Diamante)	Dan D Lavigne	Hi Dan, Thanks for introducing this unique format to us Dan! I thought “Diamante” is part of your poem, like a “place” or “pseudo name” but after reading Joanne’s addendum, I was able to understand what you want to deliver here. :) “Diamante” is a wonderful format, I find it very playful…this is usually for poets who are wordy and creative…and so far you have achieved what the format requires. Thanks for posting this to TPL…at least there are other formats and structure that we can play around. You added new spice to the site! Comparing the “Sun” and “Moon” is a good subject/s and a clever idea. I also like your simple but striking title “Cycle”. It is like comparing the “king” and “queen” of the firmaments. The strong and powerful character of the “sun” is described in your words “bright”, “radiant”, “burning”, “blinding” and “glowing” while the exotic beauty of the “moon” is expressed in your words “luminous”, “celestial”, “waxing”, “waning” and “shining”. I find “solar” and “star” the dominant character of the sun while “lunar” and “satellite” equally the same for the moon. Perfect choice of words! In such a short poem, your words were able to complete it! Kudos on your fine work here Dan! You have brought the site with a new sensation…and look the influence it brought to us. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:40:42
Dewdrop	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, Wow, this is visually superb! Your words vividly picture that inescapable scenario! For a haiku fanatic like me, your choice of words, subject and imageries are excitingly inspiring and fantastic! Such simple words yet when all in together, brings a different sensation! You just know how to entertain your readers…nice and great flow! “Dewdrop” --- Great title! Simple but poetic! I love it! “The dew that dripped from the tree is now on a blade of grass in front of me.” --- I like the little format / structure of your poem. Few words for each line…I find it easily readable and at the same time enjoyable. These are just tiny whispers…tiny as your “dewdrop”. --- Straight to the point! I can sense the fragility of the your subject “dewdrop”. I find the mention of “in front of me” so innocently observing like a little child at the same time “real”…as if I am transported to that “special” moment. The description of the grass as “blade of grass” is poetically done…plus a little twist (strong image) from the sweet and light scenario. In short, your words are effectively flowing…perfect! “I watch it as it holds its place on the top as if in sliding down it would lose itself.” --- Wow…great phrase…I can’t deny the taste of profundity of your words here. “I watch it”…again, this is enjoyable to visualize…your words allows the reader to be involved and connected to this scenario. You effectively portrayed the child-like “anticipation”. The gripping and “holding” to dear life of the dewdrop can tell a thousand meaning. For me, the struggle for life are common to everyone, even in simple nature…it only shows how we should be inspired by this situations…that we are not alone in this eternal quest. Kudos on your inspiring work here Donna! Thanks for posting this in TPL…I sure enjoy every moment of this. This is a short poem but you were able to complete the whole account in a well-crafted poetry. Again, another splendid performance! For me, for sure this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:39:12
Talking To The Trees	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Again, I am mesmerized by another “autumn” poem (so much were submitted this month in TPL) presented in your work here. Your piece is timely where readers can easily relate to (though we don’t have “autumn” in our place…I can sure feel the presence of it. The wind here is beginning to be cold and windy signs are revealing). :) “Talking To The Trees” --- I like the poetic structure of your title here! Plus, I find the alliteration of “t” evident yet enjoyable! “Falling leaves give eulogies to autumn seasons and for love- long reasons and with crisp songs, please myriad beings.” --- I love the association of “falling leaves” as “eulogies to autumn seasons” and “for love”. This is lyrically beautiful and original! Effectively, I visualize these “falling leaves” as tears of the tree! “Crushed hushes occur when leaves tell tales: those grand raconteurs, relating music of dallying breezes and tallies of tree-bole rings.” --- This is exquisite! Your choice of words is hypnotizing! I like how you expound the character of leaves or “falling leaves”…how it emotionally transcends to the reader’s soul. I find the use of “raconteurs” appropriate to support the word “tales”. I like the use of “dallying” for breezes. Very much it! --- Wow, this (your words) almost encouraged me to post my scheduled “japanese verse 29 (Breeze)” early as I plan to post it. :) I’m planning to post it next week (I’m glad that my upcoming poem fits timely with the others). I hope you’ll find it ok too. :) “Leaves are like pages of poetry that assuage loneliness. Come, fill empty spaces by listening to their lore of teardrop traces.” --- Continuously, you thirst your readers with your obvious skill! I don’t know that there is so much more to say about a “subject” or “topic”. Leaves as “pages of poetry” is superb! Again, your lines and words here display your poetic and lyrical prowess. Unforgettable! “Belief suspended, the din of life aside, attend with an inner ear. Ah, the glory of their stories! Such riches to learn from turning Leaves.” --- Wow, what a wonderful and inspiring way to end your work! There is so much to feel and to “learn” as what you have said when we allow to pamper the depth of our inner interest to nature or to the beauty of our surroundings. I like the use of “inner ear”…this is fresh and new…plus I find the word “ear” supportive to the phrase “to learn” and word “stories”. Great flow! Kudos on your fine work here Mell! This is another splendid performance! Thanks for posting this in TPL for our enjoyment! Simple but full of life and vibrant! Yes, this is another winner! Now, I wonder what would my trees tell me…aside from their beauty and strength… :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-23 00:38:16
Kite	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, Wow, this is superb! Your choice of words just blows me away! From the title to its contents…very much enjoyable! I’ve been writing haikus but I never read such exquisite and skillful haiku (actually senryu) like this (yet I know how this just flow easily from your pen and from your heart). With your poetic prowess and display of your early works, I knew you wouldn’t be having a hard time on trying haikus/senryus because from within your poems, there are tidbits of potential haikus that I can detect. This one is just great! I like the subject “Kite”. It brings back those childhood nostalgic feeling. I also have my own submission of “Kite” in a haiku form (japanese verse 10) that focused on the relevance and intriguing use of its cord or string. It is nice to see other poet/s interpret such interesting subject in a different eye, in a different angle. Yours is something fresh and a delight to read. I like how you focus on its mere flight. “Zephyr blows barely” --- I like the use of “Zephyr” as your secondary subject. It adds elegance and beauty to your poem. I also have a “Zephyr” subject/title for my haiku collection but I’m planning to post it next year in my japanese 40 to 60 series…for the lineup of my 20 to 40 series are already done and in waiting. I like how different other poet/s see and interpret things…it shows how plenty and bountiful the beauty of nature and creation is…where you will never end up of words, descriptions and fascination to its eternal beauty. --- “Blows barely” is perfect since Zephyr is described as a gust and gentle wind. Plus, it brings drama to the poem. “Doughty dreamer dares to soar “ --- Perfect choice of words and great twist of events. “Kite” is usually associated as our “dreams” and to use the words “to soar” is just complete. “With flying colors” --- Ah…just wonderful! You complete and end the haiku “with flying colors”. I find “with flying colors” as two meanings (double meaning). One as a reward to our “soaring dreams” and two as kite’s typical multihued features. I like how you focused on the kite’s “colorful skin”…such magic moments. Again, nice flow and choice of words. Great contents, it suits and hits the subject “Kite” just right! Kudos on your outstanding piece here Jordan! This is one haiku that I really enjoy! You bring “colors” and depth to this traditionally “straight to the point”, “what you see is what you read” format. I sure enjoy this moment! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-21 00:11:05
Haiku: Warnings	Darlene A Moore	Hi Darlene, Wonderful profound haikus! It shows the different side of you Darlene…in subjects, in style and in message. I find the three series of haikus inter-related…and enjoy the continuous flow of it! Very attached to each other! “Haiku: Warnings” --- Great title…great subject! “Animosity lips curl, a growl warns, threatens beware wild dog's bite” --- At instant you define and focus of our attention to the obvious subject “Animosity”. I like the imagery of the second fragment “lips curl”. The visualization here is evident…I almost literary curl my lips! --- From “lips curl”, “a growl warns”, to “threatens”…I find these as true character of “Animosity”. --- I’m just a bit off on the third line for the adjective “wild” which I find not fitting and cannot support a “reason”. I would suggest “angry” or “bitter” to compliment “Animosity”. And since it would exceed a syllable long for the third line, I suggest a rephrase “heed angry (or bitter) dog’s bite”. I hope I didn’t tamper your original intentions here…just a friendly advise. “Base hostility fangs appear, tongue forked flicking lies insert venom” --- Next subject “hostility” is one interesting and appealing subject. Quite true and undeniable as something that “fangs appear, tongue forked flicking lies insert venom”. The deadly truth and reality of your words are worth contemplating. I ponder the dreaded imagery that plays on my mind…your careful choice of words are really effective on the portrayal of your images. I shiver on the “tongue forked flicking” line and the “venom” thing just adds more on the thrill! The images are vivid to the mind. Inescapable! Antagonism hair raises, cat spitting ire claws rake a bare back --- Last topic “Antagonism” is as hyper and aggressive subject as the first two topics/subjects. The difference is its new, fresh and mischievous representation…”hair raises, cat spitting ire” and the hypnotic “claws rake a bare back”. Such striking imageries, leaving readers in awe! I like how the use of “hair” to compensate the “cat”. But it’s the last line “claws rake a bare back” that really hit big time! Such great construction! Kudos on your fine work here Darlene! I find this skillfully written…great presentation! I like your topics “Animosity”, “Hostility” and “Antagonism”…and to associate or expound it as something as a “Warnings” is one clever move. Thanks for posting these for our contemplation…these are really a food of thoughts. As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-17 22:20:22
Past	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, One can’t deny the emotional and personal impact your poem brings to readers. I am with you Marilyn in remembering your husband’s death…may you remember the good times in a positive way and instead brings a smile in your face, saying at least “He has lived a happy and a worthwhile life with you”. :) “Past” --- I like the flatness and simplicity of your title here…it gets straight to the point of the subject. “The past never passes it lurks patiently until haunted by the mind” --- The reality and truthfulness of your words here are undeniably stirring. I like your choice of words on how it slowly and gently “lurks” in our “minds”. Yes, the “past” is best liked when it is about those “happy times” and not those “sad times”. But I think it is those “happy times” that makes us sad because if those “happy times” does not exist at the present time, those “happy times” are considered lost. It’s the intangible “happiness” of the past that makes us grief today. My…in such short lines, your words bring a lot of stuff to contemplate. “Consolers say "This too will pass" but waves of memories catch cobwebbed corners clutching them” --- I find “consolers” as relatives and friends. “this too will pass” - such comforting words but you are right, it is easy much said or advised but to the wounded person this is not easy but an agony. Last Sunday our invited pastor told us that to take away the “cobwebs” of life is to kill the spider. Here, in your situation, I think it does not apply. What I can probably say is that may you accept the realities of life and that being “happy” with someone can be your inspiration to go on with life more “fulfilled” and “content”. Let “him” be your inspiration of joy. For “happiness” is shallow, “joy” is deep. And “joy” is easily achieved through Christ. :) “close to consciousness. The past remains present, lest I forget the comfort of your arms” --- This is poignant! I like the depth of “the past remains present”. Your words show how you missed him so much and how valuable he is to your life. This is a heart-warming piece where readers can easily comprehend and relate. Pardon me if I sound a bit preachy instead I hope you find my words consoling and positively encouraging. I appreciate your courage on sharing this too personal message. Thanks for posting this in TPL for us to contemplate…for it strike a lot on my thoughts…on how we should value our loved ones especially when we still have their presence. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-15 00:27:03
Patched to Tapestry	Darren J Ledbetter	Hi Darren, It is nice to see new talent on the site…if you are an old returnee or a new participant…I welcome you (back) to TPL! May you enjoy the learning and exchanging of insights with fellow poets. “Patched To Tapestry” --- I like the simplicity of your title here (it gets straight to the point of the subject)…yet undeniably find it poetically and lyrically done. “I've burned all bridges in memory For the wrath I wait to suffer My past keeps chasing ahead to where all my dreams have slept” --- I like the depth of your words here…and the stunning metaphors you used to share some general lessons in life. My visualization is playing with your careful choice of words…and I find it very effective! There is so much imagery to be contained in your short but striking lines. Outstanding! “When sleep offers a peak I forget every wish I heard from and grasp the nearest shreds my nightmares left behind” --- I like your continuous portrayal in the profundity of “sleep” and “nightmares”. Appealing! You continuously expounded the intensity of “dreams” from your hanging first stanza line “My past keeps chasing ahead to where all my dreams have slept”. I like how you structured your message, how it flows line after line…comprehensively helpful to readers. “Now remembered less in vision all my patches to parades become less in visioned” --- Intoxicatingly mind-boggling! The dilemma and uncomfortable situation between “dreams” and “visions” are evident…and on how “real” human struggle this unexplained fate - a bit contrasting and also complimenting at the same time. The little tapestry I have was still to much to carry for my unbarring race against all that memory fails to do. --- One can’t deny the continuous depth of your words here…yet the thought-provoking ideas it displays is interesting and challenging. You have summarized the poem in your quest to fulfill whatever left in your “dreams”, “visions” and “memories”. Such profound messages leaving readers in awe! Kudos on your powerful and interesting work here Darren! There is so much more to say in your short piece. Thanks for posting your work in TPL for us to contemplate…I sure enjoy the read! Looking forward to read more of your art! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-15 00:23:49
My Muse	Donna L. Dean	Hi Donna, One can’t deny the personal touch of your words here Donna! And the way you present it with your flowing words and ideas is very effective to this reader. You write with your heart and soul! “My Muse” --- The pondering character of your poem radiates in your title here. I like the simplicity of it…yet it adds the personal touch and emotional impact of your poetry. “My muse inspires me when I do not have a pen and paper. My muse inspires me when I am driving and cannot write. My muse inspires me when I am too tired to write. I wish my muse was more accommo(n)dating.” --- Starting your stanzas with “My muse” again adds special meaning to your subject…such intimacy with the subject is evident. I like the little humor surrounding this stanza…on how playful and so-inspiring your muse is. I like the “wrong timing” scenario of your muse. Great introductory! You captured this reader’s attention! “Sometimes my muse gives me ideas, but I can only form them in a mediocre way on paper. They are formed nicely in my head. I think no one can see the gen(e)sis there.” --- Wonderful! You write with your mind, with whole sincerity and honesty. I like how you allow your questioning mind wonder then wander around your head. As if your brain can’t contain the overwhelming fascination of your surrounding and of life in general. Your words and thoughts are truly inspiring! “My muse is a woman, but sometimes a man--young, old and in between. A deep thinker, morose at sometimes, happy at best.” --- Continuously, you bring depth on your muse’s character. Here, you explained how friendly and the “not-so-complicated” nature of your muse…on how versatile and open in general views. I like “happy at best” most! “My muse is not wealthy, which is ironic for I have never known wealth. My muse just now told me he might inspire me to write about a wealthy gentleman. I don't know how, since he has never known wealth. Sometimes he thinks he is so clever. But that always remains to be seen.” --- I like your humble words here…on how you value on personality and not on wealth. I like the mystery that encircles here… “My muse isn't a certain color, unless the color various will do. He isn't fat nor thin. He or she loves to bite into a meaty poem though.” --- Continuously you widen and broaden the scope of your muse, from a multi-faceted to a “hearty” eater of poetry…this is truly entertaining! I like the use of the word “though” in the last part of the stanza for it complements the earlier line “He isn’t fat nor thin”. Great flow and structure! “My muse laughs at me at times for not writing when I should. And cries for me at other times when I do. She also wishes I had better penmanship since I write in longhand before I type.” --- I like how your muse becomes your constant companion…through the laughter and through the tears. I also like how you address your muse as someone “he” and sometimes as “she”. It only shows how universal and none-gender your mysterious muse is. For me, the little humor for your penmanship is an effective way on letting readers not get bored. I like the simple spices you add to your poetry…very effective in catching attentions. :) “My muse wishes I would venture out on a limb once in a while. But I was pushed off a diving board when I was nine and fought with all my might to break the surface,and once I made it to the edge of the pool the instructor couldn't see my tears because my face was wet.” --- The adventures of your muse are continuously entertaining! To associate your muse to your childhood experience is quite a humble revelation. I like the ironic scenario of that moment where the instructor couldn’t see the tears of your face because of its obvious wetness. :) “But unlike me who never returned to the diving board my muse keeps coming back for more.” --- And to bring back that “not-so-good” childhood experience to your annoying muse is quite an intelligent technique. For me, this is my favorite part and I think the most powerful part of your work. You just know how to end and summarize your poetry in flawless lines. I find your work skillfully done! I didn’t expect this to end like this. I like the element of surprise at the last part of your work! It ends up in a profound and thought-provoking piece! Superb! Kudos on your fine work here Donna! The simplicity and wholehearted nature of your poetry brings a lot of impact to this reader! I’m glad you posted this piece for our enjoyment! We are surely entertained by your “muse”. For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-15 00:22:40
Pigtails	Jordan Brendez Bandojo	Hi Jordan, After I recently received my 5 credits, I knew I would be expecting a poem submission from you soon. I knew you were also anticipating the credits (from your Critiquer Winning – Congrats!) and I’m happy to see your poem in my “Critique New Poems” list. You could say that I was anticipating your poem (“excited” if you want to define it more in details)…and I’m glad I was not disappointed by your fine work here. “Pigtails” --- From the title alone “Pigtails”, I knew the content of the poem would be something unique and interesting. I was not mistaken. I like the simplicity of the title, yet very original and imaginative. “My initial impulse was to ken her name when I squinted her stellar figure at the foyer.” --- The first three lines are already a catcher. Great introductory lines…you were able to hit straight to the subjects and your choice of words were able to capture the interest of your readers. In your rare and not so common choice of words, I find depth and poetic talent in your messages here – I find “her” and “foyer” rhyming and I find it entertaining though I don’t know what rhyming format you used here. Anyway, in such simple scenario you were able to strike an unforgettable imagery. Here, I can feel your overwhelming adoration to a stranger whose name is worthy to be discovered. I can feel your excitement! “Time has scheduled our tryst in the archives of astronomy,” --- Here, I can feel your tremendous belief (or just fascination) on “zodiac signs” when it comes to destiny and fate. I just hope I got this interpretation right! :) “I piped at her effulgent eyes Pleiades bedecked her ethereal pigtails Dangling in the constellation Taurus Enticing me as her moon grinned Artemis makes sheep's eyes.” --- I like the use of “piped” as your telescopic and intensive admiration to her intoxicating eyes. You know Jordan, your choice of words are mesmerizing and very new to me. From a person older than you, I can say, I have learned a lot from your vocabularies. I researched and checked on my dictionary (sometimes Encyclopedia) every time there is a fresh word I encountered in your poem…not to mention the exquisite metaphors you showered in the entire poem. Your knowledge in Physics and Astronomy is very much evident in your lines. I like how you decorated her pigtails and to describe it as “ethereal” is something new. It only shows how special she is to you, that you noticed almost everything to her as something beautiful and lovely…even in such small details. “In moments fraught with perturbation I've perused Shakespear's best Still hearkening the kinetic palpitation Snatching her reflection in a hush 'Til I lately noticed The buzzer just whirred” --- Your exceeding fascination on her total being continuous within these lines. I like the use of “Shakespear’s best”…it adds some romantic ambiance to your already romantic poem. “She had shuffled off to class Shoving off her starry snapshots... Yet Cupid romantically bruited I'm still eyeing Juliet in pigtails.” --- Adding “Cupid” and “Juliet” in your poem adds more romance in exponential high. I don’t know if her name reveals as “Juliet” or just a coincidence to one of Shakespear’s famous characters…but I find it timely and appropriate. I like the comical part wherein your admiration to her (or Juliet) is only a “pigtails” away…a secret admiration that only reveals at her behind. The admirer was not able to tell her face to face…where he always feel the situation in an awkward position. I hope I was able to interpret the poem right! :) Kudos on your fine work here Brandon! This is really something! “Pigtails” is just a part of the whole scenario but you were able to expound the depth and relevance of it through your intelligent poem. You are such a wordy poet (playful and clever), it reveals within the lines. Thanks for posting this inspiring (a bit comical) piece! I sure enjoy the read! I find this skillfully written! Superb! Looking forward to read more of your works! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-15 00:18:59
After the Storm	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I like the new revision, it is more clean and grammatical correct. Plus, more readable and friendly to comprehension. But best of all is the title, I like the title most! Now, it is appropriate and with sense. "After The Storm" is the perfect title...it is full of hope and new life. The additional adjectives "gleaming" and "wisely" for the spider adds the suitable mood. And the word "anew"...for me is victorious for the "After The Storm" title. Kudos on this! You just did the right thing of perfecting the poem. Two-thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 23:25:53
Role Model	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Everytime I read your poems, I either feel refreshed and relaxed! Your usual nature-inspired poems never fail to provide a “good-feeling” and satisfaction of life…for your words breathe “life” and whispers “unforgettable memories”. I don’t know how you do it, but your choice of words and unique style is very effective to the soul, to the heart. There is a tingling sensation in your writings…a trademark of your craftsmanship! One can say, “Ah…this is one of Joanne’s babies…something you carefully fashion. “This afternoon the rain called to me blowing leaves, squalling her sideways tears.” --- As always, I enjoy dissecting your poems. It made me feel attached to your mind and thoughts. Your introductory lines / words / stanza is perfect! Ear-catching poetic words, “This afternoon” is an attention grabber, such strong word that made readers focus on your message at instant. The entire stanza is dramatically beautiful! Mesmerizing and tempting! The use of “squalling” is appropriately supportive for the word “rain” and “blowing” and I think “tears” too. “Spent flowers bent in mourning ricocheted off the porch, pots tumbling-- no posture of sturdiness left in them.” --- I noticed the rhyming of “spent” and “bent” (though irrelevant). :) I like how the “spent flowers” are associated as one “bent in mourning”. I like the use of the word “ricocheted”. I also like the playfulness of your imageries here! :) “How free those fierce gestures, the giving up of what has been and leaning into what comes next.” --- Wow, “fierce gestures”, never heard that thing before but I like your playfulness here. I also like the depths of your words here, the philosophy of life in general. “Afterward, a garden spider bobbled wetly in her web and prudently began to weave once more.” --- I like the simple images of daily life and of nature yet you always let those simplicity into a striking scenario. Your child-like observation in the beauty of life is very much evident! And for me this is very amusing and entertaining! In your pen, scary creatures (to some) like spiders turned out to be a delight to behold. Only you can do this! :) The only thing that disturbs me is the title “Role Model”…I think. I can’t get what’s the meaning and relevant of it to the message. I kinda feel uncomfortable plus a bit flat. I like your long titles the most…that are very dramatic and poetic (the likes of: “Splendor In The Pages Of A Book”, “When Small Frogs Seem To Disappear”, “When Trees In Fall Begin To Spill Their Colors”, “Between The Wind And The Song Of Calling Geese”. I find it exquisite and effective, ear-catching too. My mind can’t suggest right now for the title, I think you are very good in this, so I will leave it to you. :) Kudos on your fine work here Joanne! Again, this is very masterful! Overall, skillfully done! Nothing I can add more, what can I only say that for sure…this is another top-notch! For me, definitely a winner! Continue to write such fine piece like this! Thanks for another treat Joanne! :) P.S. In response to your previous poem “When Small Frogs Seem To Disappear”, yes I like the additional adlibs “Blink!”, “Sing!“, "Leap!", "Croak!", the pauses it brings add spice and flavor to your already interesting poem. I like the exclamatory points! Sorry for my late reply. :)	2003-10-09 23:02:07
Rivers	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I can feel the dilemma you are into Marilyn…the ideas and words are there but to complete and to construct the whole thing as one absolute message is the most difficult part. This is usually my dilemma too. :) I like the simplicity of your subject “Rivers”. Simple but powerful! The first line “rivers flow beyond” is a great intro. It automatically defines and embodied the unique and superb character of “Rivers”. Strikingly hits the readers! I’m just a bit off with the second line. I like the use of “time” and “never motionless”. I just don’t know if it’s appropriate to combine them in the second line. I also find the “sand” out of place, though we can use it in some part but wait…I think I know what you want to deliver here. We can retype the second line as “sand’s time never motionless”. I think this is what you want and for me, this has great impact. It means that the sand or its motion is never stagnant, it is perpetually moving and running. At first, reading the third line made me uncomfortable for I thought “alpha omega” is only addressed to God (and no other else) but because it is in small letters, I think it is still ok and acceptable. You just want to define its infinite property, no beginning and no end. Well, for me it works fine! I think it is not insulting to God at all. The intention is not to grab the attention and honor from God but to further define the beauty of His creation (which brings the glory back to Him). I think I’m just used to “alpha omega” relating to God, nevertheless it is still ok to define nature. For me, your work deserves a “kudos”! Just a minor revision and a little explanation, the haiku will work fine and well. You have focused on the river’s eternal “flow”, its “depth” and its mysterious origin and ending – and that is one great subject and inspiration. For me, that alone justified your entire haiku message. Thanks for posting this for our reflections! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 22:59:30
Point of Reference	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, “Point Of Reference” --- I like your topic about the “crossroads of life”…and to make it through is to use the “compass of life”, probably through experiences or other “lessons in life”. Though your entire poem is a bit playful in words in general, readers can’t deny the depth and profundity of its message. Technically, I observed that you follow an “A-A-B” rhyming format. I appreciate your strict discipline on following such self-constricted style. “Enter this maze of reflection turn in another direction finding your way” --- Your introductory word “Enter” sets the mood of submission to life’s path. There is also a sense of self-discovery in your words here. “Likeness is found revolving around Now a piece of the riddle Think that you know lacking the whole part of the puzzle” --- The use and rhyming of “riddle” and “puzzle” is entertaining yet undeniably fitting too! The “mystery of life” continuously expounded here. “Knowing no fear Not shedding a tear unable to find a bearing knowing your plight one might have sight the final part of the set” --- The mind-boggling and intensity of your deep words are evident within the lines. Using the word “knowing” to start in both stanzas specify its consistency. Just one comment on the second “knowing” stanza, for uniformity sake I would suggest to let the first letter in capital. Well, just a minor suggestion for typo purposes only. :) “Facing reality Enter totality here is the way... Through this Maze” --- I like your styles and indentions…it helps the poem to be readable and friendly to the eyes. This is my favorite and I believe the most powerful lines of the entire poem. “Facing reality, Enter totality” are such strong words, yet it effectively summarizes your complete thought. Nice way to end your poem…comprehensively appropriate and fitting! Kudos on your fine work here Thomas! Thanks for posting this in TPL for us to contemplate! I sure enjoy the read! Looking forward to read more of your works! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 22:58:31
Haiku (Life a new)	Dan D Lavigne	Hi Dan, Wow, congratulations! This is a wonderful and superb first attempt haiku (actually some of here are senryus because it connotes on feelings and life in general and not on season or nature)! I enjoy the relaxing and consistent flow of the poem. For a haiku fanatic like me, your work is truly a fantastic treat! You shower a list of unforgettable sensations…truly your craftsmanship and careful choice of words radiate within the lines. From “death” to “new life”, it would be ok if you entitled your title “Haiku (Life Anew)…where “anew” is combined and not separated. Well, just a minor suggestion compared to your well-written message (if you don’t mind). :) “The essence of death As fall gives way to winter A child cries, breathless” --- The word “essence” brings depth in your first haiku here! I like the visualization of a “breathless, crying child” in welcoming the “death” character of “winter”. “I sit in my chair Reflecting on my lifetime Dreamlike, frozen time” --- The personal touch of your emotions and feeling is very obvious and felt within the lines. The nostalgic and “lonely” feeling of “sitting in a chair” is captured very well here. Which left the word “reflecting” appropriately fitting! “Dreamlike” and “frozen time” adds the right moment! “Memories are mine Not to be stolen from me By deaths grisly hand” --- You really know how to choose the right and suitable words. The contrasting and complementary of each other line are perfect. Comprehensively enjoyable! Lyrically done! Just a minor comment on “deaths” which should be “death’s”. “Fear is beside me My life is slipping away Loved ones surround me” --- I find the coming of “loved ones” because of the “life slipping away” expectedly sad. “Craving dignity As I lie in wait for it Silence as it comes” --- You really know how to capture that right mood! The first line “craving dignity” is something desperate. The deafening “silence” sure brings impact to this haiku. “Blinded by darkness Deafened by screams of silence I reach ascension” --- Continuously you manage to make the flow consistent. You cut the “blindness” and “deafness” by “reaching to ascension”. This is superb! “The essence of life As winter gives way to spring A child cries, new life” --- Wow, for me this is my favorite and the most powerful part of your haiku series. What a great way to end the entire poem with hope and victory. This is like a celebration of life! From “autumn” to “winter”, from “winter” to “spring”…this is very inspiring! Kudos on your fine work here Dan! You have successfully shared the beauty of “new life”. I believe “Gary” would appreciate and be happy on your dedication here. Thanks for posting it in TPL for our enjoyment! For me, this is a winner! Looking forward for your upcoming poems! Again, welcome to the site! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 04:54:59
For Paula	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, This is one of the most beautiful, stunning and heartfelt love poem I have ever read! The words and lines surely come from the bottom and depth of your heart. Your “true” and “unwavering” love truly shines within the lines. Readers can easily comprehend and feel the sincerity and warmth of your words…touching our inner soul. “My heart spoke to me, In tongues of spiritual fire, To the very core of me.” --- Intoxicating! “She spoke to me, Of many things, Love not last nor least.” --- Starting your line with “My heart spoke to me” in your introductory stanza is appropriate and perfect! It introduces the readers on the immediate feelings your heart experienced. Succeeding the next stanzas with intro “She spoke to me” symbolizes that it is “Paula” who really awakens your heart. How her presence is such an influence and inspiration to your life…”to the very core of it”. “She spoke to me, Of love first seen, Love becoming trust.” --- I like the phrase “Love becoming trust”. “She spoke to me, Of eyes meeting, Holding on beyond that initial pain.” --- I like how the unspoken words of the “eyes” can communicate beyond the literal “talking” or “speaking”. “She spoke to me, Of times present, past and futures entwined, By love and shared time.” --- I like how the moments are woven into one. Poetically done! “She spoke to me, Of colours beyond the spectrum, Of the human eye.” --- Ah, her words are so colorful, a kaleidoscope of words. “She spoke to me, Of passion and dare, Moving to compassion and care.” --- Such strong words, yet soft and gentle! “She spoke to me, With lilt, truth and tone, Carved deep onto my bones.” --- The continuous phrase “she spoke to me” is so hypnotic! Effectively penetrating! There is wisdom in your words here! “Her words softly spoken, Where they seared, Into my brain.” --- I never thought that words can penetrate to our brain, yet you have done it fittingly right! “That I love you, And you love me, For ages long gone to times yet unseen.” --- I just rest my case…you just end and summarized everything superbly! Lyrically elegant! Kudos on your wonderful work here Stephen! “For Paula”, it is a great title and a great dedication to the one and only love you have. Surely, Paula will be very happy on the inspiring message you shared to us here. Thanks for posting it here in TPL for our enjoyment! For me, this is a winner! Unforgettable! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 04:54:13
Hymn to Autumn	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, Your initial entry for October is timely and a wonderful introduction to one of season’s most moody character, the “Autumn”. Your ode to its spectacular beauty is a joy and inspiration to read. Welcoming the saddest and coldest phase of season “winter”, your “farewell” to “autumn” is truly a last resort of warmth. Something we would like to cherish for the last moment…and you have captured it very well. “Nestled in eiderdown, Flannelled and balmed, Autumn left quickly Sans rancor or blame” --- Undeniably poetic! You have pictured the coming of “winter” and the leaving of “autumn” with great anticipation – without bitterness, a welcoming sight to behold. I find “flannelled” and “balmed” appropriately to “nestled”. “Softly, the pavement Has dressed up in linen Embroidered in remnant Of twice-frozen rain” --- Wow, very haiku-like…I’m enjoying the visualizations! Fashionably winter-like! “Go now, go swiftly, To the veranda, Tune up the piano, Drink cider and bloom” --- I like the soft reading of this simple commands…I find it not forceful but hypnotic. The mention of “veranda”, “piano”, “cider” and “bloom” brings a nostalgic feel between the lines. “This will be private: The dying, my darling This will be private, The dying alone” --- Wow, dramatically beautiful! I like the rhyming and playfulness of the line “The dying, my darling”. The repetitive “This will be private” brings goosebumps to my spines. This is a sad note especially the last line “The dying alone”. It is the word “alone” that sadden the situation. The “private” brings a strong-willed and determined emotion without self-pity and feeling of abandonment. Kudos on your very fine work here Rachel! I really enjoy the sensation of your roller-coaster emotions circling around the poem. There is something in this poem that is unexplainably powerful and influential. Thanks for posting this in TPL for our enjoyment! I know this is another winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-09 04:52:41
Perfumery (Tanka)	carole j mennie	Hi Carole, It’s nice to see poets trying different styles and formats to expand their craft and knowledge. For me your perfect 5-7-5-7-7 tanka is playful and witty in nature. In the first two lines, you described the surrounding in such solid imagery. I’m guessing a “skunk” for the “brown-eyed” creature you described here giving its “concealed” “odoriferous gift”. Gee, before I let readers guess the haikus and senryus I submit…now I know how it is hard to guess the subject. I just hope I got this right! Kudos on your mind-boggling entry Carole! Your choice of words are perfect and appropriate! What an achievement for your first attempt of tanka. Maybe one of these days, I would try tanka too! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-07 23:04:59
Strapped	Thomas H. Smihula	Hi Thomas, I like the exotic and lyrical style of your lines and words here Thomas…this is like a thousand haikus scattered in your entire poem. I enjoy the simplicity of your title “Strapped” with its emphasize on the rope of the flag around its pole. In the first stanza: “When the eyes were closed I felt sensation as the wind carried me to new heights above the deck and in my nest now Strapped to the Mast...” --- I can see a certain “National Flag” while people singing its anthem. And sometimes the sensation is revealed from that intimate and patriotic moment. I like the tingling effect of “yonder yard”. I also enjoy the last lines (like “I venture on”, “I journey on” and “I continue on”…your format is effectively stylish. In the following stanzas… I can also see a proud flag in top of a sail or ship together with its pilot in journey and path of life. I like the nature like effect of “calming waters” and “next to the isle of wonders”…even the “I clench the fist of thunder”. These are unforgettable imageries. Kudos on your interesting work here Thomas! I find the “flag of your love strapped in the pole of your heart”, wavering proudly your passion. For me, this alone is very romantic and masterful. As always, Erzahl :)	2003-10-07 23:01:31
Splendor in the Pages of a Book	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, There are a lot of lessons, experience and information that can be learned from here! The title alone “Splendor In The Pages Of A Book” is already ear-catching! Addressing the “Dictionary” as “A Book” is new to me. Usually, it is the “Bible” that is address as “The Book”. Well, “A Book” and “The Book” is quite different. The authoritative and supreme nature of the Bible is fittingly for “The Book” address. And the safe and light nature of the Dictionary is fittingly for “A Book”. I like how you describe the physical feature of your dictionary in details and in nostalgic feel at your introductory stanza. And how it allows you to remember your “Grandpa” for a moment. I’m also entertained by your strict discipline on following an “A-A-B-B” rhyming format. And another “A-A-B-B” rhyming format at the middle of every line – I find this unique and creative. “I’m just a bit disappointed on some lines that didn’t follow the 15-syllabication format. This is just minor because line 4, 6, 7 and 10 just either exceed or less one syllable. What I like in the first stanza is the poetic phrase “to furnish keys for gates unknown”. This is lyrically done! In the second stanza, I like how the power and value of the gift “Dictionary” can bring and offer to a potential poet (like you). I like how you see the power of it in the phrase “they offered up far-reaching spans” --- it is like a map and compass and you are the voyager of discovering ancient development of “Hebrew”, “Latin” and “Greek”. In the third stanza, I like how you use the adjective “resonance”. Very dramatically appropriate! I like how you end the poem with awesome gratitude. The exclamatory point at the end of the poem effectively adds your passion. Kudos on your fine work here Joanne! Again, you deliver a beautiful “stolen photograph” of your good all “Grandpa” days. Thanks for posting it in TPL for I have enjoyed it very much! Another striking and inspiring performance! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:20:36
Sweet, Sweet Music	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, This is very informative and at the same time entertaining! I like the idea that music is a “universal” thing…on how it can influence man, a “rabid beast”, insects and even the wonder of nature. I also like how man can perceive this source of music from these “unlikely” instruments. You have described the “modern” instruments in the first stanza, and I like how you described the “Flinstones-like” instruments in the second stanza. The comparison is very amusing! The discovery of this mummified instrument that looks and sounds like a “xylophone” is truly a surprise. If we could only get their compositions and styles on how they use this instrument - is more so intriguing. It is nice to know if they have some “Bach” and “Mozart” during their time. I like how you describe the vastness of the firmament as “fan of sky” – lyrically done! And how their spiritual quest (or in your poetic words “seeking the divine”) was answered and rewarded by these listed ancient discoveries. I like how you declare it “Let it be found!”. I found the exclamatory point very effective. It also shows how “passionate” man is when it comes to music even during the first early years. And glad to say, the influence is continuously evolving and improving. Kudos on your wonderful work here Mell! Again, you amaze us with your talent in different and unique subjects and how you present it in complete details and at the same time with artistry is truly outstanding! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Another top-notch! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:19:23
Untitled	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, I like how you visualize to us readers this cute subject “caterpillar”…on how its body moves like “disjointed ripples”. Your choices of words are very effective imageries for a limited 5-7-5 format. Again, you follow a perfect structure of haiku rule. In such simple words and visualization you hit one of nature’s fascinating creature fittingly right! Kudos on your entertaining work here Andrea! Another superb display of your talent! Enjoyed very much! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:18:32
Sole Mates	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, From the title itself “Sole Mates”, your poem is already intriguing and a bit playful with words. Last month Mell has same title sound “Soul Mate” but I know your is differently imaginative and have a little twist. Yes, our shoes (or boots in your case) are the only one who is loyal companions that would never leave us wherever we go. Whatever the distance, the place or the scenario it would be…they will continue to step the path and the roads our feet allow us to go. I like how you emphasized it in your lines: “You have been one constant companion” and “The stories we’ve earned and the good times spent”. --- You described your pair of boots as if it was your best friend - through good and bad times of your travel. I like how it is been with you for many years and how it became torn out because of usage (this might be your favorite pair). This is very much portrayed in the first stanza: “You don’t stand as tall as you use to, You’re bent over ‘bout half way down. I suppose it’s mostly from all the kickin’ you’ve done In a wild whirl variety of towns.” --- I like how you follow an “A-B-C-B” rhyming format to all your stanza though a bit awkward and not too rhyming in the second stanza for “print” and “spent”. “Truth to tell, I’m as worn out as you, Feelin like I’m all but complete.” --- I like how you compare yourself to it in your journey in life. I find a personal mystery in these lines. “But I'll say this, “If there was a better pair of boots In this damn world, they didn’t fit my feet.”” --- In the last lines of the poem, I can sense the appreciation and contentment you experienced for your good old friend that even a new and expensive one couldn’t replace the worth it brought to your feet through all these years. I can sense the “sentimental value” you have for those old pair. Kudos on your fine work here Rick! I didn’t see this coming…and it is a surprise how simple (often ignored) things can tell an inspiring lesson to be applied in our lives. Thanks for posting this for our own reflections Rick. I sure enjoy the read! Another top-notch! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:17:56
When Small Frogs Seem to Disappear	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Wow, I really like reading this Joanne! Again, another playfulness with nature…aside from the informative type of your poem here, you just never disappoint your audience with the simple truth and beauty of your surroundings. You deliver your poetry in a very simple, gentle and unique way that is very much enjoyable and readers can feel warm, light, smiling and satisfied after reading it. I don’t how you do it what I know is that your approach is very effective. Your inspiring messages are given justice by your choice of words. “After this morning's splash of water on my sleepy face, I spy a gold-green tree frog perched atop my folded towel.” --- In this simple stanza, I like the word “morning’s splash” as your ritual wash. I also enjoy the witty description of “sleepy face”. “(Blink!)” --- You probably don’t know but this simple, single, apostrophe-ed, and double-quoted word “Blink” brings a thousand visualization on that captured moment. Again, you are good on these additional imageries. I enjoyed this a lot! “As I dare to grasp his damp, wriggling body in my bare hand, he stabs a small insistent snout between my clasped fingers.” --- This made me feel uncomfortable because I’m not into slimy or rough frogs. When I read that you use your “bare hand”, this made me more uneasy. But what I like is how you present it in a very comical way, even the “snout” thing adds a simply humor. I can vividly visualize your bit clumsy situation here…still with your bath rob. :) “Once outside, I settle him safely in tender undergrowth; but thus freed he turns to me, poised as if to leap my way.” --- I like how you grant his freedom in a tender way...it is the word “settle” that calms the imageries. With your sequence storytelling, readers are also into anticipation in every surprise you bring. For me, the frog “leaping back your way” is a scary surprise! I ask myself, what will happen next? :) “Is this sticky gent a Prince I ought to kiss, perhaps still spellbound? How did this slight, grass-green guy find his way into my bath today?” --- I like how you add the “fairy tale” concept of the frog as the Prince in this stanza. But to kiss the “guy” is unbearable to witness! :) I like how you support your attempt with the line “perhaps still spellbound”. “Perhaps he's a silent scout, sent to announce” --- Here you focus your reader to adjust and be prepared on the new message you want to deliver – which I believe is now a bit serious, nostalgic and pondering. “Autumn's approach, the somber season when small frogs seem to disappear at first signs of chill, and wait 'til time to wake in spring and sing.” --- Which is about the unique and mysterious character and effects of season to nature and to our lives in general. On how the phasing of the “autumn” and “spring” are uniquely explained. On how “autumn” is perceived as the “somber season” while the “spring” as the “anticipated season of music and joy”. I also like how you get your lovely title from this stanza. Just perfect! “Though summer’s soon at its end, tree frogs will come to croon again. “ --- What a light way to end your wonderful poem. You just complete it all! Again, kudos on your fine work here Joanne! Another display of your talent here Joanne! I enjoy commenting this! I know it is not hard for you to create such a fine piece because you write with your heart and passion in poetry. It really reveals within the lines. Again, thank you for posting this for our entertainment! For me, another winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:15:52
Allegiance	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, Another timely topic that focused on the 9/11 event! I like how you concentrate on the heroism part of 9/11 and not the tragic part of it. You allow your readers to see the good and unforgettable things that can spur even in the lowest and the worst moment of our times. “Eagle in the sky” --- For the third time I have read “eagle” in associate to the planes. Truly this is an emblem of America’s freedom. This only shows how people of America and the world recognized its importance. “Taking wing with might and grace” --- This symbolized the heroic action made by the passenger of the fourth plane. Yes, there was still a great accident that happened there but we cannot deny the victory of courage and selfless act that envelope that moment. Truly an inspiring testimony to tell the world! “Freedom to embrace” --- The most striking part of the poem! This emphasized that what matter most is “freedom”. Kudos on your fine work here Andrea! “Allegiance” is a wonderful dedication to those heroes (passengers, firemen, the Mayor, the President, the policemen, the citizen of New York) we can be proud of. Thanks for posting this in TPL. Inspiring! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:14:20
Silhouette	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, There is depth in your words here Andrea. When storms pass like the recent “Isabel”, it is expected that trees and other structures are destroyed, broken or bent. Now, that the imagery you picture here is more on the “twisted and bent” and not totally broken, you immediately turn to your humble praise and thanksgiving of God’s wisdom. For me, the “showing your wisdom” line symbolizes His mercy and compassion. It also shows His perfect will to everything. Kudos on your fine work here Andrea! Again, you grace the site with your profound yet entertaining craft. Truly, this is an inspiring poem that keeps reader ponder in God’s unique character and plan. I just hope I interpret this right and appropriately. “Silhouette” is a nice title that reflects God’s mysterious ways. Another excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:13:29
Graced	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, I like the simplicity yet striking words you choose here Andrea! To associate your coming back to TPL as something like a victorious verdict from a church pulpit or court is really cool and at the same time creative! Again, you prove your poetic prowess in this perfect 5-7-5 format and in these enjoyable subjects that never fail to entertain us readers! I like how you enumerate the sequence of events that helps understand the haiku comprehensively. From “words” of “pulpit”, to the action word “heard” by the “choir’s voices” to the “healing process” through the “singers”, the comparisons and the connections are fittingly correct. I find your work skillfully written! Kudos on your wonderful dedication of gratitude here Andrea! The TPL members will truly appreciate it! I am really glad that you reconsider of joining back to TPL and the misunderstanding didn’t cause you to stumble instead it made you strong! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! Oh great title you got there “Graced”! God bless! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:12:33
Looking Back	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, At first reading, I was not able to get what you want to impart here but after I read it many times, I begin to smile and giggle on the scenario. Again, you display your trademark of playfulness with words and thoughts. :) I don’t know if the subject is about a “dry leaf” that was drifted out of the (simpli) city, going through the canals of the city. This can also be interpreted as a “bum” person that left the city with sad memories, unresolved disputes and feeling of reject. Both is very much a perfect subject as the lines continuously described it. The like how the message of the poem remains a mystery – somehow with double meaning. I perceived a deep and profound emotion that surrounds the poem. I like how the sense of realization reveals in the lines: “How dark the river gets at night” “How cold it is without no light” “Why the voices of you might be a perfect song for a bum like me”. --- Lyrically done! Outstanding! Kudos on your fine work here Thomas! Again, another entertaining piece with choice of words that is very effective! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Another top-notch! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:11:50
Little Man	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, This is such a sweet sweet dedication to your wonderful great grandson “Caden”! Congratulations to a new member of your husband’s proud name! “I saw your wee face and limp was my heart” --- This alone touched my sensitivity! I like the idea on how the “wee face” made your heart limp. You captured perfectly that gentle and fragile moment! “Eyes of violet, skin brushed with heaven's hues” --- Then, you bring colors to this unforgettable moment! It is like a celebration of life! The touch of your words is truly heavenly! “What will you be my little man? A tinker, a piper, a Shaman? A baker, a banker, a dapper Dan?” --- I like how you address your great grandson as “Little Man”. It serves as an indication that someday he would be somebody with great ambition, a man with great responsibility, somebody you can be proud of. “Embrace life, my tiny one surround days with serenity give dignity to serendipity hold fast my melted heart” --- “Embrace life” is such a strong word! You left such challenging yet achievable point of view. The adjective “tiny” shows his delicate status and dependability with family. “Surround days with serenity” is a calm and quiet advise. “Give dignity to serendipity” is a humble encouragement of your legacy. “Hold fast my melted heart” is a wonderful assurance from a grandma that tenderly and unconditionally loves her “Little Man”. Bravo with this! Kudos on your wonderful work here Marilyn! I never expected this simple poem would bring a deep impression to me! What an inspiring words to share! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure cherish every moment of it! Excellent! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:11:00
Tempest Fugue	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, The exotic beauty of words truly radiates in the entire poem! From the title itself “Tempest Fugue”, the wild orchestra of imageries are already visible! “Soon, I will tell you sea tales, tantalize you with sagas of typhoons and cyclones - yarns so vertiginous you will fall overboard. Splat!” --- I like your introductory word “Soon” for it adds mystery to your already mysterious and sophisticated subjects. I enjoyed the combinations of “sea”, “typhoons”, “cyclones” to “tales”, “sagas” and “tantalize”. The spellbinding-nature of your words is very much evident here! “Then I will carry you ashore, resuscitate you, until you undulate in sea rhythms and become salted to my taste” --- The enchanting kiss of your words is mesmerizing! You continuously captivate your audience with your fine choice of words like “sea rhythms” which I enjoyed most! Lyrically done! “Afterward I will marry you to adventure you, who is lounging, so deliciously, on the blue couch hypnotizing my cat with yarn” --- Again, your words allow us readers to submit and surrender ourselves to the power of your temptation. “I will marry you to adventure” is an undeniable force that touches our sensation in a very magical way! You complete and satisfied our desires. Truly inescapable! Kudos on your fine work here Rachel! This is a smart piece with a lot of mind-boggling ideas but truly entertaining and skillfully done! For me, this is a rare piece of art! You made a complex presentation from a simple and common scenario of life! Outstanding! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-26 00:06:45
A Cardinal View	Robert L Tremblay	Hi Robert, I hope you don't mind if I copy my old comment from your same “A Cardinal View” dated February and repost it now for your September entry: Hi Robert, Reading the first few lines attacts my attention knowing that this is again, one of the many poems that is dedicated to the tragic event in WTC. I'm interested on what was your views about this. I also observed that you follow a strict 10-beat syllabication in all your lines and a A/A/B/B/ rhyming pattern in all your stanzas. With profound and rich with new vocabularies, I realized that this is a work penned by a professional and talented poet that I will enjoy reading. I was not dissapointed. :) "Twin towering infernos, minimized To naught by metamorphosed faith despised, Demonically spiral round the beams As though from merged apocalyptic dreams." --- Great introduction, pointing out the subject matter at once. Your rich metaphors clearly pictures the main horrible scene. The first stanza focused on the twin tower structure. How they are jointly potrayed negatively. "The suicidal eagles’ grisly blow, Which brightens the horizon’s gruesome glow, Imprints itself on stilled and stifled shock As misanthropic crows regale and mock." --- I like how you defined the airplanes as "suicidal eagles'". Just one comment, the first line "The suicidal eagles’ grisly blow," is only 9 beats/syllables. Anyway, if you pronounced "su-i-ci-dal" as 4 beats, it would still make 10 beats/syllables in total. :) "In quantized grief that elevates sublime Within poetically rhythmic rhyme, Humanity transudes to smoke inhaled By the Divinity’s purpose unveiled." --- You play with words casually using "Physics" terms with "feelings". I am amazed on how you interact uncommon words but still convey a story. Here, you focus on the aftermath of the impact. "As tentacles entwine lungs thirsting air, Sound spirits simmer in forlorn despair; Revealing the eleventh as a sign Imposed upon your destiny and mine." --- I like the word you use "tentacles" as something that tangles our breath. And the use of "eleventh" with ease, something that would justify "9-11-2001" if reader found himself at this moment "at lost". "With quickening homage from soul bestowed Within Divine celestial abode, Mankind’s creation’s realized, As Love is beckoned, heavenly disguised." --- The message is so deep, now I'm having a hard time interpreting it. :) Another comment, the second line is only 9 beats/syllables while the third line is only 8 beats/syllables. Again, if you pronounced "ce-les-ti-al" as 4 beats, it would still make 10 beats/syllables in total. But the third line...no remedy to meet the 10 beats/syllables. Pardon me for this technicality comments, I just felt that it spoiled your efforts. "In resurrection, absent swaddling clothes, Agape quivers as dark void it loathes; And rises somberly as wings unfold Majestically, blinding to behold." --- Continuously, you go on with the horrid story...now you focus on the people on the ground walking - full of devasted images. Just one comment, I found "majestically" just a bit out of place for this sad moment. :) "To suffer not would likely tender, too, Compassionate love, nobler of the two; Thus, the Divine Plan’s mystic management Throughout the gallows of the firmament." --- Slowly, you stop pouring negative images but instead inflict a bit of hope and positive outlook from this life's lessons. A good twist / turn from an ongoing negativities. Using "His" presence greatly helps. "Now, with humanity at bay, in sight, Yet, humbled by His meditative might, He banishes importance far away To herald in the Final, Lasting Day." --- Wow, what a great ending! Summing this tragic moments as something that makes our faith stronger and rely to the only true might. How I long for that "Final, Lasting Day". And I know it is very soon. :) Kudos on your work here Robert! I enjoyed the ride. Looking forward to read more of your works. Your talent and ingenuity is an inspiration! As always, Erzahl :) PS. You could ignore my observation and pardon me for being strict on technicalities.... for I believe those are just minors compared to the inspiration your poem brings. My comments are just there to give helpful critic.	2003-09-26 00:01:39
Lunar Spoofs	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, This is truly entertaining! The comical side of you really radiates within the poem…and for me this is such a treat! Again, I found myself amazed by your appreciation to the beauty of the firmaments. :) “Lunar Spoofs” --- The title alone is a slice of humor! I like it! :) After I have reviewed and researched recently the “phase” and “cycle” of the moon because of my haiku “Tide”, your poem refreshes me again of this unique beauty that only emerge during nighttime. It is truly a wonder to revisit and to rekindle that moment. And to present it with light and jesting manner is just a fresh feeling. “New moon wearing your veil to stir oyster beds, rouse your sea children from sleep.” --- I like the images portrayed here! I like the use of the enchanting word “veil” that covers the mystery of the moon…and the more it is hidden, the more it became mysterious. I can sense the effect of the sea and the tides at this phase…you immediately focused on the common effects of the moon to the body of waters of the Earth. Even in this faceless phase of the moon, the tempting beauty of it is truly undeniable! :) “Crescent moon slice pieces of night, cut silver slivers for ghost trees to devour.” --- I like the eerie imagery you pictured here! The “crescent” phase of the moon is my favorite part. It made you think that there is a unique shape orb hanging on the sky, knowing that it is only the reflection and angle between the moon and the sun that creates this “smiling” form - a “sinister smile” that haunts the darkness. I like the playful use of “silver slivers”, which adds a little wit to your poem. “Half and half moon-- make up your mind-- are you in or out of the mood tonight?” --- I like the questioning type of this stanza. How it automatically focused on the indecisive nature of the moon. How it reflects the character of human beings too (especially to women when it comes to “mood”). I hope you are not offended in any way. I am just speaking somehow in general. :) “Three-quarter moon busy with laundry, pinning up sheets rinsed in your next-to-last spin” --- Yes, the sheets are obviously a bit visible in this last-minute stop. Though not complete, the anticipation for a complete phase is very much felt. And to associate it with “sheets” during “a busy laundry” is very original! You sure know how to surprise your readers with your unique ideas and wittiness! :) “Full moon -- oh! Renounce your changeling sisters for fooling us with put-on phases.” --- At first, I perceived these “changeling sisters” as the sparkling stars that continuously twinkles in the beauty of the night. But as the word “renounce” and the word “fooling us” and “put-on phases” were connectively used, I perceived these “changeling sisters” as the first four (4) described phases of the moon that for a moment exposed their “moods” unlike the “full moon” (I like your “oh” there) who reveals her whole true identity and face – unafraid and confident! Kudos on your fine work here Joanne! Again, another top-notch poetry for us to enjoy! I like how you distinctively identify each phase and mood of the moon and how it affects you as the “moongazer”. Inescapable imageries! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-19 21:33:06
Epitaph	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, “Epitaph” --- From the title itself, the poetic nature of your poem here already radiates. The simple choice of your title appropriately fits the message of your entire poem. I like it! “Lay me to rest at the end of year Days that are less then cool when they touch Evenings that arrive too soon and mornings That wait to rise on the day” --- The serenity of your words is very much felt in every line and every stanza of the poem. Here, I enjoy the “winter” mood of the moment. You captured its true ambiance! Readers can easily relate and somehow affected by its gloomy atmosphere. “Put me down for the place where the sun does not see A good distance from the highway A place difficult to visit where no one to shed the tears of condolences meant not for me” --- “Lay me” and “Put me down” - I like how you present each stanza with too much personality. As if the poem is directly and actually communicating to us readers. You bring the closeness and connectivity of your poem to your readers…and I find it very effective! The last two lines are strikingly unforgettable…it somehow etched a deep contemplation to one’s thinking. “Lay me to rest when the year is done Alongside a wrangled old tree waiting for the thaw Above a nestled thicket on a cloudy day The sun would have no place” --- Wow, the imageries are inescapable! Your poetic prowess truly shines within these lines. You never fail to stir such unsettling emotion through your careful choice of words. Enticingly memorable! “I’ll walk to that place and mark the ground with Amends to the way I lived Acknowledgement to those that wanted more A simple faith for what is to come” --- The entire stanza left such strong language. It deepens the simple legacy of the “speaker”. How a “simple faith” moves and brings impact to loved ones. Such peaceful ending… Kudos on your fine here Ken! This is truly mesmerizing! I find this skillfully written! Plus, the amount of thought-provoking and inspiring value it brings to the reader is huge…beyond descriptions. I sure enjoy the read! Thanks for sharing this to our enjoyment. For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-16 05:19:38
Love is a Trapeze	Denise A McCroskey	Hi Denise, I really like what you want to deliver here Denise! Short but you were able to complete it all! Love as “trapeze” is unique at the same time superb! I like every illustration and metaphors you described here. From its “movement”, its “soar”, its “freedom” and its “safety net”…these are very much exciting and fittingly right! Your poem hits straight to our heart and mind…unforgettable imageries and a load of awesome sensation! The lyrics are exquisitely executed! I like the concept of the “safety net” most! The striking line “Free yet blooded, together yet separate, one yet two” is top-notch! It summarized the beauty of your entire poetry. The contrasting approach of the line is very much stunning. Originally outstanding! Kudos on your fine work here Denise! I find it skillfully written! I really enjoyed every word you delivered here…inescapable! I am like a spectator in a circus, looking at love’s daredevil stunts…and your choice of words just made the moment thrilling! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-16 05:18:18
Untitled	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, "When wrinkles are joined Your eyes still shining brightly Peace, love, joy remains" --- I'm glad you posted this Claire. I'm just reposting also my early comment about your poem for it almost says what I intended: "Oh, I love it very very much Claire! There are so much to say in this limited format but you were able to surpass the constrant perimeters of haiku/senryu. You given a new flavor of this subject "Old Age", and I didn't see it coming! Very much enjoyed! Not just I like it, I also like it for you to post it here in September. I wouldn't mind if your subject and message have the same with mine for you have such a different beauty to share. For an attempt to create a haiku/senryu like this, this is exemptionally a fine piece. I'm proud of you! Just a little grammar correction, I am still not sure if it works better with "remains" or "remain". Oh, I think "remain" works because you have more than one subject (the "peace", "love" and "joy"). Forget my suggestion, this is so perfect!" "The wrinkles are joined" --- I like the vision on how this "proud lines" are being connection through time. "Your eyes still shining brightly" --- And still see the unconditional satisfaction behind these lines... "Peace, love, joy remains" --- You summarized the beauty of "contentment in life" and "gratefulness of blessings" within this line. Kudos on your fine work here Claire! This is an exemptional first attempt! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-15 03:20:51
Love's Equated Opposites	Cindy D. Clayton	Hi Cindy, Wow, another splendor! I can’t help but not critiqued on your another beauty in poetry, this one just caught my breath away! You write with such grace and easy flow. “The ferocious energy of this emotion, Vicelike in its style and temperament, Compels me to act, Yet leaves me etenally still.” --- Like water, this one contains every sensation of my love in poetry. You just know how to choose the right words and combine them with perfection. Unforgettable! “This dual enlightenment in life and love, Live segregated, In unison.” --- The contrasting meaning of “dual”, “segregated” and “unison” is very appealing! Your work is truly an aroma in poetry! Full of life! “My token possession hold the keys to my release, The locks of my bondage.” --- Invitingly magnificent! “In the very deprivation of isolation do I truly discover what it means to be desolate. You define my aloneness by completion.” --- Of course my favorite part! You end your poem with continuous exquisiteness! Lyrically done! Kudos on your wonderful work Cindy! It’s nice to see a poem like this in TPL, truly this is a wonderful site to behold! You just know how to keep your readers in-love with your work! With so short poem you overload us with too much beauty! I can say enough more! Outstanding!!! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-07 10:49:28
Lost	Cindy D. Clayton	Hi Cindy, Wow, this is such a very inspiring message! After I have read your moving poem “Lost”, I have found my way back to His presence. Thanks for your wonderful reminders Cindy! I like how it speaks straight to my heart! It only shows how fragile we are as humans and how rejuvenating His love to our soul. Truly, the famous song “The joy of the Lord is my strength” applies within your lines. Aside from the unforgettable and moving message for the spirit, I also noticed your craftsmanship in your lyrics. I enjoy every metaphors you associate here, from the “parched tongue”, to “cracked lips”, to “dryness of the flesh”, to “desert”, to “river”, to “drought”, to “calloused feet”, to “misguided trail”, to “hunger and thirst”, these are all poetically written! I enjoy every image you described here! “God, send your rain to fill my river. Reveal to my ears the sweetness of your song, And restore to my eyes the beauty of your Son.” --- For me, this is the most powerful and my favorite part of the poem! You left such positive conclusion from your uncertain introductory lines. You left us with such great hope! Kudos on your fine work here Cindy! I find this skillfully written! You write with such effectiveness! Your simple and humble faith truly radiates within the lines! Thanks for posting this for our spiritual strength and at the same time for our enjoyment! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-07 10:46:35
Upheavals	carole j mennie	Hi Carole, Pardon me for the late comment. I just drop by to say that I really enjoyed this one! Your message is clear and comprehensive at the same time informative – informative in the side of Paleontology. You bring back those childhood interests we have in dinosaurs. But most of all, it is full of “heart” and very personal. Readers can easily relate to your overwhelming gratitude to your Mom, whom I found very dear to your heart. I like how you use “Medusa” to your fossils, as something that was turned into stone…old, ancient, motionless, lifeless and prehistoric. I like how you present your true story in the entire poem, stanza by stanza. The flow and sequences are properly laid out, readers can easily catch on your topics and scenarios. You get straight to the point! From the introductory stanza that tells your interests, to your field trip, to your discoveries, to your safe box “the trunk”, to your Mom’s illness, to her adoration to your work, to her death, and last to the coffee table. The main topic is about your fossils yet you superbly spice your story with tidbits of your personal accounts, and memories of the home. This is such a nostalgic moment for you I believe. And I like how you shade your words with such reminiscing pastels. “Mother always had a knack for plucking pearls out of any old oyster.” --- I believe these are the most powerful lines of the entire poem. It summarized well your poem. I believe, this is also my most favorite part! It brings goosebump to my spine. It is such a striking phrase, such a powerful message. It shows that our number fan in life is usually our parents, for they see beyond our own capabilities and limitations. :) Kudos on your powerful work here Carole! This is such an endearing poem! I enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-05 09:00:01
I Forgot Where I Put It	Nancy L. Dymond	Hi Nancy, I like your playfulness of thought here Nancy! I like the simplicity of your words and with that it helps readers immediately understand your message. Yet, there is an intriguing formula within your lines and the element of surprise is very much established. “I forgot where I put it, I had it right here, But I thought you might steal it, So I hid it - quite near.” --- Adding the line “you might steal it” rings a bell that it is something with great value. “It is something so special... It’s one of a kind. I just can’t bear to lose it, Please, PLEASE help me find” --- The capitalized “PLEASE” fittingly supports your aggressive plea. The words “special” and “one of a kind” just bring readers more excited with its value. Now, it’s becoming mysterious and interesting. “My treasure, my precious, My truth and my glory. If I lose it, I’m done for! The end of the story!” --- The additional exclamatory point at the end of the last two lines adds a rushing and thrilling sensation to the readers. “I’m done for” and “end of the story” are such strong words that continuously make readers more curious. Nice choice of words, very effective! “A plan’s what I need, My mind needs to rest, I’ll relax for a minute, Then retrace my steps.” --- I enjoyed how you keep yourself “cool” though we all know how “panicky” your feelings are already in. “I saw it...I had it... I moved it...and then, You called me...I hid it... Yes! That must be when” --- Hanging the message like these is an effective way to spring readers more electrifying impression. “I forgot where I put it, I’ll search here once more, Hallelujah! I’ve found it! Now...what was it for???” --- This is quite a surprise! The sarcastic expression “Hallelujah!” adds the climax of the long search. Yet at the end line, you left reader’s emotion back to flat zero. This is like a roller coaster ride! You left our expectations dangling in the air. Quite a real surprise! Kudos on your wittiness Nancy! I believe every one of us has been caught in this scenario, wherein we have been looking for something but when we found it we didn’t know what was it for. Anyway, I sure enjoy the ride! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-03 04:30:34
After The Rain	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, “Trine” - This is a wonderful format. I like how the last stanza combines all the rhyming of the first three stanzas. As you have known, I enjoy doing poems with defined structure. And “trine” is something new to me. This is a wonderful introduction! Again, you have shown us how expert you are in different poem designs, and the way you write and apply your knowledge is as impressive as your intelligence. “After The Rain” --- The simplicity of your title creates lyrical beauty! Straight to the point! I enjoyed every scenario you picture here – the “after the rain” scene. From the fields to the crows, from swamps to puddles, you associate this dreariness to the mood of your contemplation. And to picture in dark moments like “run so berserk” and “drowns in dismay” is truly unforgettable. Nice choice of words. “Reality so twisted; blurry Upon this path all demons lurk They thirst upon my soul's decay.” --- I like how you organized your thoughts here. It really summarized your first three stanzas. You really know how to capture that dreary moment. You almost bring us readers to that situation. I believe this is the most powerful part of the poem and I think this is my most favorite one too! Kudos on your fine work here Nancy! I find this very skillfully written! Just one minor question, what is “criptic”? I’ve been looking this word in the dictionary but haven’t got the meaning. Anyway, this is nothing compared to the overall sensation your poem brings to me. I really enjoy the read! Beautifully dark! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-09-03 04:28:55
At last Sunrise	Ken Dauth	Hi Ken, This is a wonderful imagery of sunrise to sunset. I like how you format your sentences into something like an upside down ladder that results into a vision of sun’s ray that is about to shimmer. Or vice versa - sun’s ray that is about to rest. I like how you captured this enthralling moment! As what you have mention “I shift not, my head resting back”, I can sense that you have enjoyed every minute the light touched your epidermis, its tender and soothing effect. If you were sick (and laying in the bed) during that time when you made this poem, I hope the warmth it brought to you was able to heal you physically and emotionally. Sometimes, the innocent beauty of nature has healing powers that appease our soul. And that is what I see whenever I witness a grand sunrise. “Each ray is marked deserving” --- As if, every beam is carefully savored, cautiously cherished. Unforgettable site! Kudos on your inspiring work here Ken! Overall, I find this skillfully done! Your “choice of words” are perfect! Simple but delightful! Thanks for posting this in TPL! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-29 02:35:14
My Alter World	Traci L DeGraffenreid	Hi Traci, I’ve been reading this again and again, and I can’t help but not to comment on it before the end of the current month. It has this unique attraction to readers that I can’t understand. It’s probably the strong, powerful and truthful images you tried to picture here. Very unconventional and exceed beyond your usual “sweet” poems. “My Alter World” --- The title alone is mind-boggling and attention grabber! It works effectively with me! --- I also observed that you follow a rhyming format (AABB). Again, I appreciate your strict discipline on following such structure. You are such a traditional poet. In your first stanza, you have immediately set our focus on your perception of life in general. How the relevance of “sanity” and your “detailed character” affects your senses and behavior. You keep on mentioning about your “Dad”, and I can feel that his presence no longer exist and in your “Altered World”, the freedom to be with him is infinite. I can feel how very close you are to him and to escape the harsh reality of life is a momentary joy unmeasured. I like the sincerity of the line “No one is waiting to mess with my head”. It shows our frailty as human. Adding the “straight jacket” is a clever thing to include especially on supporting the subject “sanity”. “This is the world I find in my dreams A world where reality is not what it seems” --- I believe this is my most favorite part. For you have summarized everything your heart feels. These wishes may be perceived as something childish but these are the facts of life. I think everyone have their own “wonderland”. It only shows how “human” we are. I like your additional notes: “This was written by me, pretending to be someone else” :). With a smiley face at the end of the statement, it only shows how aware you are with the “fantasy” and “reality” world. At least, you can detect the demarcation line between the two. I find it no harm to daydream with our desired world once in awhile. For it makes us stronger and reminds us of how blessed we our, with the things we have for today. It makes us value our family more and our surroundings. Kudos on your powerful work here Traci! You never fail to entertain us with your ideas and subjects! I can sense the personal touch of the author. Again, thank you for posting this for us to contemplate! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-29 02:33:56
Mistress of Briar	Terrye Godown	Hi Terrye, For me, this version works very well! I find your choice of words very effective and comprehensive not to mention the poetic quality it radiates in every line. You just blend it all passionately. Good work! “Mistress Of Briar” --- The title itself is attractively controversial. I believe “Briar” is the name of the so-called “husband”. I find your work wittingly similar to Brandon’s poem “Temptress”. If your work is about the wife’s point of view about flirting women, Brandon’s work is about the husband’s (or any male) point of view about flirting women. The setting is also the same, within a bar or dining restaurant. Try to check it out, especially when you want to know how this sensual talent can be achieved (as what you have said): “Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace” :) “As we sit in candlelight she lures him Blushing in her smooth burnished skin His amber eyes attempting to capture But her reflection flickers within” --- In the first line, I like how you immediately get into the topic / subject. The hot presence of “candlelight” and “flickers within” are exciting. The tantalizing colors of “blushing”, “burnished skin” and “amber eyes” are evident. Great introductory stanza! “I know the firm fingers enfolding mine Long to be warmed by her sculpted body ~ For a while I sense his full attention As we sip the ruby fruit of the vine But soon apon the slightest mention, It becomes all hers not mine” --- Wow, great imageries! I like the succulent scene “we sip the ruby fruit of the vine”. I also like how you slowly divert “his” attention from the wife to the flirting women (as what you called the “mistress”). I can feel the awkward situation of the wife. --- Minor typo error in spelling “apon” to “upon”. “Her curves lay in wait in her leather seat For his lips to bring her to life His fingers break loose from our tender heat A desire for her ~ not his wife!” --- Slowly, I can feel the transcending of his fingers from “firm” to “tender”. I can also feel the furious reaction of the wife as what the exclamation point would tell in this stanza. “He excuses himself from our cozy nook Whispers his promise of a speedy return Into the hazy night they glide Unlit, his passion impatient to burn” --- From “firm” to “tender”, and now “cozy” – almost lifeless. The mention of “hazy night” adds the intoxicating flame that burns within their hidden passion. I find the “promise of a speedy return” is an overused all-time excuse of every flirting guy. Quite funny but painfully real to the wife. “As her mouth flirts with the evening zephyrs His rugged hand wraps her long sultry waist That inevitable flame when his lips touch hers Folds their shadows in a smokey embrace” --- I like how you continuously add lyrical beauties to your poem like “evening zephyrs”, “sultry waist”, “inevitable flame” and “smoky embrace”. It adds attraction to your (already) attractive subjects. Combining your craftsmanship with real facts, for me is hard to do. But you did it effortlessly! “I wait alone, assume an unsuspecting air While he's enticed with such casual pace Can I ever offer such provocative fare? Quench that aroma of her billowy lace?” --- I find the questions here as part of the “moment of reflections”. I can now feel the uneasiness in the part of the wife. To be left alone in an appointment where your date flirts in front of you is an unbearable site. To be a witness of your love’s infidelity is an agonizing torture of the heart. My heart yearns to learn how she beckons… erase the tension from his handsome face Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace to chase away the fog of her deception… lure him from his firey mistress' nape Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes --- Yet in those images, still you were able to inject humor and some wittiness. I don’t know if this “desire of learning to arouse him back” is part of a revenge or vengeance, whatever the hidden motive, I can sense the pity of self and the longing to win through this expected circumstances. For me the most powerful and my favorite line of all is “Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes”. Kudos on your another fascinating work Terrye! You never fail to entertain us with your poetic prowess! Overall, I find this very skillfully done! I can sense the personal touch of the author. Again, thank you for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! As always. Erzahl :)	2003-08-29 02:29:48
An Immodest Request	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Enticingly beautiful! “An Immodest Request” --- Great title, simple but striking! There is an alluring personality in this title. Works for me appropriately! “Show to me your hidden places Among exposed terrain. Loose your soft secluded laces That bind your last restrain.” --- The oxymoronic appeal between “hidden place” and “exposed terrain”, “loose laces” and “that bind restrain” are intelligently obvious and unforgettable. Creative! “Invite my eyes to trespass where The light so seldom trails, And let my wonder wander there And offer its avails. “ --- Wow, the more you offer your words, the more I get excited! The beauty of nature radiates in every poetic and lyrical arrangement you fashion. I personally enjoy the contagious “wonder wander”. It tingles my tongue. :) --- I know how hard to do a perfect rhyming (A-B-A-B) and metered (8-6-8-6) poem yet you’ve done it with ease. It flows within your hand naturally, not like the others that are noticeably trying hard. Bravo with this! “Open to me your ministries And all that they reveal That I may know your mysteries By scent and sight and feel.” --- I don’t know why, but the word “ministries” works perfectly with me, especially when it rhymed with “mysteries”. This rarely used word was rightly maximized plus it suits well with “reveal”. I like the enumeration “by scent, and sight and feel”. You just complete the sensation! “Lay down our hearts where passions lie Surround me through and through, And know at last that it is I Surrendering to you.” --- Ah…the most remarkable part of the poem! I sensed that you have prepared these words/stanza already before starting your introductory and first few stanzas. Yet, it works delightfully with me. This is such a wonderful offering of heart to someone special. Yes, I can feel the whole heartedly submission. Superlative! Kudos! This is what I like about your work Rick, truthfully and sincerely reflect you! Without hesitation, without hindrance, without second thoughts…I can feel that you have poured your very heart in this fine piece. I also find this very skillfully written. Very much ready for another round of winning! As of this moment, I already congratulate you! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-21 01:25:25
Symphony	Debbie L Fischer	Hi Debbie, “Symphony” --- Truly, this is a work of art! From the title itself, your poetic prowess already radiates. Appropriate choice! I like how you cut your journey line after line, exposing the beauty of that great summer nights. “The radio hums softly the sounds of Mozart” --- Your soft introductory line gently slides through music, and that classical music just adds sweet flavor to your juicy work. “Cruising contently the backroads to home” --- For me the word “home” is already a poetry. Your personal touch of sensitivity creates a dramatic impact to the entire poem. “Eying the pastures and cornfields” --- I enjoyed the panoramic view! This is visually beautiful and nostalgic! --- I believe a typo error for “Eying” to “Eyeing”. “shadowed by dusk Inhaling the scent of freshly cut hay and honeysuckle blossoms” --- I find this nature-inspired apparition so very haiku-like. For a haiku fanatic like me, this is an inspiration! The images are truly a gem! “Soul-dancing with fireflies that light up the night” --- Enthralling! Stirring every sensation that I knew! I enjoy the imagery! Nice selection of words…very inter-related! Unforgettable! “I am refreshed this sultry summer evening” --- Excellent! You easily executed a wonderful ending! It comprehensively summarized your passion and ecstasy! “Sultry summer evening” will never be the same! Kudos on your wonderful work here Debbie! You never fail to inspire us with your simple but striking piece of art. You hit it straight to our hearts! Looking forward to read more of you work. Outstanding! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-14 06:19:57
Day Time	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, This is a wonderful dedication to a friend you cherished so much…to Ms. Jane A. Day. I have read a lot of dedication you have to Jane and I can feel the closeness and fascination you have for each other. It’s through your common talent and interests that radiates within the lines. Mark has his own adoration and dedication to Gene also, and to others that I can’t remember exactly. I find it amusing and touched by the special thoughts and honor that you share to us here in TPL. Truly, here in TPL with our common denominator the “poetry”, we understand and value each other presence and be friends in life. This is wonderful reminder for everyone. Instead to dwell in petty arguments and destructive criticism we should strengthen each other and learn to assess positively with our contributions and works. We all have missed Jane’s presence these past months and now that she is back safe from the recent surgery I believe, this is a wonderful welcome to her return. Again, I can feel the playfulness you did from the title itself “Day Time”. I find it unique and bouncy! As if Jane’s “time” has come again. “Time tilts toward the centre Moves in sync, as if in play, Time tickles like a feather Spinning in your arms, today.” --- I find the spelling of “centre” here as another indication of your playfulness and not just a typo error. “Centre” as spelled in British vocabulary, I find it as intentional. I like how you emphasized on “time”. How it encircles the message. “Time tousles fiery tresses Watch Janie spin and soar Time tosses off guesses Who loves living more?” --- Adding a question mark at the end of “Who loves living more” brings depth to your message here. I like how you visualize Jane as someone like a storm that disturbs TPL when she comes back. In “Time tosses off guesses”, speculation of her living the site is confirm that it is not true. It then supports the last line “Who loves living more?”. I believe this is not Jane’s character – that is to leave TPL. “Time reckons like Janie, Snatches and holds fast, Heals sorrow with glances, Seals moments in glass.” --- This is just wonderful! Exquisite! It is so her, so Jane! --- I observed that you follow an “ABAB” rhyming format for each stanza. In this third stanza, I just observed that “Janie” and “glances” does not rhyme much. “Time gathers to laud you Moves in circles today Skates up to applaud you Day-blooming Jane Day” --- What a heart warming words to end this wonderful dedication! The use of “skates up” is bubbly. Truly, I agree…a “Day-blooming Jane Day”. To other poets out there, beware, as if the queen has arrived! Will this concern me too? Oh well, this is just what I like in TPL, a very healthy and friendly competition. We are challenged by each other’s craftsmanship. :) Kudos on your sweet and playful work here Rachel! Yes, I believe Jane will enjoy this very much as much as I enjoyed it too! Thanks for posting this for our amusement! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-13 01:43:09
Petunia's First Flight	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, This is stirring! Again, you take us readers to the higher place, elevating our spirit to the “seventh heaven”. This is truly a “cloud nine”! “Petunia’s First Flight” --- I love the title! I like the simplicity of it! Its beauty radiates in its simplicity. I find it very personal and very special to the author. Though, a bit tricky also because “Petunia” refers to flowers and “First Flight” is quite unfitting. At first I was a bit confused but when I read your first stanza and found the word “kite”, this just got me more excited! I know this was something more than I expected. “A bob, dip, curtsy, then a swift uplift from a wind draft. My thumb on the string, I watch the soaring might of my hand-made kite, Petunia.” --- This is visually attractive! I find the rarity of “bob”, “dip” and “curtsy” appropriate and cute for the kite. I personally enjoyed the word “soaring might” and the kite’s name “Petunia”. “Two balloons released for good luck pre-kite flight and I admire the verve and pluck of my purple flyer. A five- feet tail, beribboned in the same shade,” --- I find the two balloons as “pre-kite flight” ceremonial…it is like “ribbon-cutting” for children! Endearing! The description “purple” fittingly supports your kite’s name “Petunia”. It may have been your basis on why you named it “Petunia”. “trails like the end of a parade. My Petunia is a singing shadow in the sky and I ease more string to conjure her higher. Alone, I embrace the sweet” --- “My Petunia is a singing shadow in the sky…” is truly exquisite! This is my most favorite part, poetically done! “moment, having left work early for stolen time with my flower-power flyer. I feel refreshed, renewed, filled with an elan of purple hue. A change of pace—“ --- This is just wonderful! It just getting better! “Flower-power flyer”, I can’t help but visualize those cute “Power-puff Girls”. The rhyming of “flower” and “power” is contagious. The line “I feel refreshed, renewed, filled with an élan of purple hue. A change of pace ---“, you just know how to entertain your readers, keeping us not get bored, truly “a change of pace”. “to lessen the stress in my days and as I up-gaze, rave reviews for the brave Petunia.” --- Yes, your “Petunia” is truly an inspiration! I like how you described it as “brave”, it just make it such a little wonder. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! “My inner child is alive and well.” --- Oh, we can feel it in every word, in every line of your work here! It even rouses our own childhood memories! Thanks! Kudos on your wonderful work here Mell! This is skillfully done! Double congrats to your previous winning…for me, this is another top notch! Outstanding! As always, Erzahl :)	2003-08-13 01:36:02
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